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how to get over someone that clearly doesn't feel the same way as you do?!

(35 Posts)
gemsangels123 Thu 23-Jun-16 20:39:19

It's a long long story but I met someone and dated a few weeks and then it ended and he came back and made promises he couldn't keep and made so many excuses not to spend time with me. It ended again!
I don't know why I did it but 3 months down the line I just sent him a text to see how he was and he answered but had no interest in me what so ever. Why can't I just get over him? He didn't even make me feel nice. I don't know what I'm missing really 😕

HermioneJeanGranger Thu 23-Jun-16 20:43:02

Block block block.

It's always hard when people don't return your feelings but I find the easiest way you get over someone is to have no way of contacting them. Delete and block from your phone, social media, dating sites etc. then you can't check up on him.

He doesn't sound very nice anyway, tbh, if he broke his promises after only a few weeks and didn't want to spend time with you. Wait until you meet someone who actually gives a shit! smile

FloweryTwat Thu 23-Jun-16 20:43:02

Boredom probably - as in you're bored.

Onwards and upwards - get back out there dating! In my distant past I pursued some dreadful men, I think because I couldn't work out why they didn't want me as I was such a catch. I've never had self esteem issues wink grin

gemsangels123 Thu 23-Jun-16 20:48:47

Thus is the thing I totally fancied him this is rare for me. He was perfect in paper. He just didn't want to spend time with me when all I wanted to do was be with him which is what I thought was normal. Don't know why I just text him after 3 months 😕
Thankyou ☺ I will block my Facebook. I deleted his number ages ago 😕

something2say Thu 23-Jun-16 20:48:58

Think about the way you feel when someone you're not interested in tries it on with you.

gemsangels123 Thu 23-Jun-16 20:51:28

Something2say.... that is not what I want to hear. Jeeeze!

HermioneJeanGranger Thu 23-Jun-16 21:38:15

I think it's always harder to move on from someone if you can see what they're upto on social media etc.

In the nicest possible way, if he's not interested, why pine after him? You're just going to get hurt - so find someone who actually gives a shit about you, there'll be someone else out there, honest smile

gemsangels123 Thu 23-Jun-16 22:09:42

I know! You're right! It's just hard 😕
Thankyou 😘 I won't text again now!

Desmondo2016 Thu 23-Jun-16 22:13:27

Omg I've so been there. I'd ignore the obvious signs that he wasn't interested (99% of the time) and hang on to the tiny (normal accidental ) things he did that I thought meant he did like me. I acted like a complete test, accidentally bumping into him on purpose, thinking up reasons why i really HAD to contact him. I let my heart rule my head with near disastrous results. I cringe at the thought. Never again.

Desmondo2016 Thu 23-Jun-16 22:14:05

*twat not test!grin

gemsangels123 Thu 23-Jun-16 22:15:10

😕 time is a healer? I'm guessing right?

HairySubject Thu 23-Jun-16 22:19:44

I am in exactly the same boat. Just broken up with short term bf again. He says he is interested but then never makes the effort to actually see me. This has been going on the whole time and I have had enough of being the back up option.

So whilst I have no great advice just wanted you to know you are not alone. I have blocked his facebook and deleted all traces of him from my phone. Hoping that is enough to stop me being tempted.

Keep busy! Read a good book, start a box set,date someone else.

gemsangels123 Thu 23-Jun-16 22:27:09

Aww Hairy Subject...frustrated right? !
Lots of promises. Tellingerie you one thing meaning another. Completely at the bottom of his list of priorities and you know about it. When he's there he's not really there. Hasn't told his family about you because he's very private. Always too tired.... I questioned what the he'll I was doing the whole time that's why I can't understand why I feel so sad?!
Thankyou for your message. I'm deleting him as we speak!

Desmondo2016 Fri 24-Jun-16 06:03:28

Yes time does heal. Although I went from love to hate very quickly initially and felt very toxicated by the whole experience. Time heals and I moved on and found myself in a place of complete indifference within a few months. 8 years passed and i fell in love with a wonderful man (now DH). Our paths cross (through work) occasionally even now and he recently messaged me to ask if it would be awkward if he applies for a role in my team. I realised I was completely healed and told him i honestly couldn't care less but to expect to be my coffee bitch for a few months. It was light hearted and meaningless, I had no desire to continue the conversation after his reply. I'm glad he didn't go for the job though, but only because a) i can see how it wouldn't have been nice for DH and b) i dont trust the slimy egotistical asshole not to press my buttons again to try and illicit a response. Which he wouldnt have got but could have just ended up causing me hassle and bad feeling.

A complete block is the only way in the first year or so and hopefully, unlike me, you won't need to cross paths.

TheNotoriousPMT Fri 24-Jun-16 07:19:07

Two Cures for Love

1. Don't see him. Don't phone or write a letter.
2. The easy way: get to know him better.

Wendy Cope

corythatwas Fri 24-Jun-16 08:53:17

Find yourself something absorbing to do. Something that uses up your mental energy and makes you feel good about yourself.

TheNaze73 Fri 24-Jun-16 16:33:59

Just one thing to do, cold turkey & move on

hunneymonster Fri 24-Jun-16 16:56:45

I know how you feel, I met someone six months ago though OD, I fell for him really quickly but after a month he was messing me about, ignoring me etc. He wouldn't contact me for weeks, and then I would miss him and message him and he was always pleased and keen to see me? Until he then told me he d met someone and to delete him, fair enough I was gutted but three weeks ago he messaged me again keen to see me, but I couldn't when he wanted to and haven't heard from him since. I have him on whatsapp and I just don't think I can delete him off it.

springydaffs Fri 24-Jun-16 17:32:59

It's a shag he's after, hunny sad

Cabrinha Fri 24-Jun-16 17:57:13

I actually think something2say has good advice.

I have found it really helpful to think about those feelings you have when you can't shake off someone you don't fancy.

Yeah it's embarrassing and you'll cringe at yourself - but that's why it bloody works!

I broke up with someone and found a couple of really good reasons to text him. Funny stuff, clever stuff - how could he not get the text and think "oh I'm an idiot - she was great, hope she'll give me another chance!"?

There's a bit in the book "He's Just Not That Into You" that really struck a chord with me: he doesn't need reminding how brilliant you are.

I know I've done that in the past - the little thing that'll make him wistful for me. Or plain horny for me!

But then I dated this guy who then found reasons to text me. And they were kind of fair enough - related to in jokes, funny enough. But it was transparent - he just wanted to rekindle things, and I felt embarrassed for him, and awkward, and eventually "oh fuck off why don't you?" blush

Of course I finally realised that these clever funny little missives of mine looked just as obvious and desperate and... well, I was mortified. Cringe thinking about it now! And since then, I've found it much easier not to do it!

And that lack of contact helps you move on so much faster.

So - embrace the embarrassment! Realise that you're making yourself look a dick in contacting him.

They don't need reminding how great you are! If they actually think that, they'll be beating a path.

HuskyLover1 Fri 24-Jun-16 17:59:04

The best way to get over a man, is to get under another one.

HairySubject Fri 24-Jun-16 18:11:24

Gems how are you doing today?

It's the bottom of his priorities that really stings isn't it, you would drop anything to spend an hour with him but he just can't be arsed to see you. That's exactly how one was. I did meet his family though, several times and he said all the right things of course.
Just struggling, no contact.

Oh and huskys advice is good too wink

gemsangels123 Fri 24-Jun-16 18:38:13

Thankyou all for the advice, really appreciate it smile
Thanks for asking HairySubject wink well I woke up this morning with this sinking feeling in my tummy, not nice. Probably because I didn't get the response I had hoped. I haven't overloaded him with texts that was the first and I won't send another.
super busy day at work so not much time to think although coming home I felt a bit sad. I think it's me feeling a bit lonely being Friday night an all that! I keep telling myself to wake up he was a nob! I always felt anxious when I was with him, second guessing and always wanting him to want me. I kinda lost site to what I want.
I know it's horrible 'no contact' but all I think is we are only punishin ourselves more arnt we? When we do so!
I feel like I don't have any emotion to date another!

something2say Fri 24-Jun-16 18:44:52

Don't date another yet then. There's more to life than having a man. Just relax an lick your wounds for a while X you'll be fine in time xx

JennyMe Fri 24-Jun-16 18:54:31

I'm there with you on this one today. Broke off with someone last week, he wanted to stay in contact (email) and has been messaging me daily but doesn't actually want a proper relationship.
He's obviously pretty messed up, I'm a bit more level headed about it but feeling like s* this evening.
I just want to move on from him. Actually, he thought he was somewhat beneath me (what ever that means) but couldn't commit to any future!!
I just want to get over him and be happy and maybe meet someone else in the future.
I'd invite you all over to have a drink and drown our sorrows if I could, I think we'd feel better doing that.

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