Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How do you go NC when your lives are totally enmeshed?

(5 Posts)
TheseLittleEarthquakes Thu 23-Jun-16 16:15:37

I need to go NC, or very LC with my mother. But we are very 'close'. They live locally and we have lots of big family celebrations (which are all incredibly hard work for me for many reasons). If I cut her out I will effectively be cutting out my dad, brother and sisters, which I don't really want to do. Not to mention all the extended family who I only ever see at family events.

I have nieces and nephews whom I adore, and I need to find a way to still be part of their lives, and my siblings' but without being exposed to all the toxicity.

Even if I make it clear I don't want to be around her I will be subjected to a barrage of questions and people trying to convince me to see her. But I just can't do it. I come away from every interaction with her an utter mess.

If you have done it successfully, how? Any ideas how I can make this as painless as possible?

SpinnakerInTheEther Thu 23-Jun-16 16:29:12

1)Make sure she does not have keys to your property. If she does have an extra lock fitted and do not get around to getting an extra key cut. If you can afford it have a fancy alarm fitted to put her off by its complicated nature.

2) Have phone problems and announce them. Take ages to get them fixed. So get completely out of the habit of promptly returning calls and texts.

3) Stop posting on and responding to shared social media - say it's taking over too much or something.

4) Get very busy. Join some clubs that you know she would not want to join.

5) In conversations appear to agree with her or say something totally non commital such as 'I understand,' but do your own thing anyway.

6) If you won't be attending an event do not say, just have a last minute crisis and not be able to attend.

7) If you know she will visit have someone else with you and given them your attention. If you've any loud friends they may prove useful.

8) Don't bring her up in conversation or announce your LC plans so there is no arguments with any 'peace makers' (deeply ironic as she causes the opposite of peace).

9) Talk to the relatives and friends she avoids at events so she does not feel like coming over.

10) Have a timely visit to the loo if she looks like she is going to start annoying you.

TheseLittleEarthquakes Thu 23-Jun-16 16:44:34

Great stuff, thank you!

SpinnakerInTheEther Thu 23-Jun-16 16:47:43

No problems. Hope you acheive the space you need. smile

Flanderspigeonmurderer Thu 23-Jun-16 22:24:54

Don't tell her about your life, what you're up to. Be as vague as you can.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now