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Help- on holiday and DP has just told me he has been having a 6 month affair

(115 Posts)
Notgoingtobeamug Thu 23-Jun-16 15:49:31

Well, just that really.

DP of 14 years has been having an affair for 6 months with a 25 year old (13 years his junior). We have a 2 year old DS.

He told me he had a friend that he had met for coffee a few times but they were just friends blah blah blah. Stupidly I believed him. Now it's all come out. He has form for staying out all night- I thought he had a drinking problem but turns out he has been shagging someone else. He even took our DS to meet her one time. He told OW that we had split up and all the usual crap.

He says he finished it 2 weeks ago, it's me he wants. She is constantly sending him texts (I've seen them), obviously upset at him breaking things off with her and coming on holiday with me and DS, she is upset we are "back" together.

I don't know what to do. I'm stuck in an all inclusive resort in one room with him and DS. I can't even express to him how angry/hurt I am as DS constantly in the room. I can't get any time away from him to think.

My head is spinning, I want to ask questions but the more I find out the more it hurts. I keep on asking about occasions where he said he was somewhere- nope- he was with her.

adora1 Thu 23-Jun-16 15:52:46

I'd seriously ask him to go home, I can't believe he's dropped this on you whilst on holiday!

We all make mistakes, a 6 month affair is not a mistake OP, it's premeditated and planned, in fact he's sounds pretty blaze about it all, lying to you, lying to her, as for taking your child along - I couldn't come back from this but we are all different - how long you got left of holiday cos you'd be better spending it with just your son.

Duckstar Thu 23-Jun-16 15:53:04

When are you meant to fly back home? Any chance you can get an earlier flight? What about another room at resort?

I wonder if he told you on holiday, purposely, so you couldn't run away etc and he hoped he could talk you round. I would be wanting space if it was me.

defineme Thu 23-Jun-16 15:53:57

I think you need to go for long walks and get as much space as possible.
If it were me, I would seriously be considering going to the airport and getting the next plane home either leaving ds with his dad or taking him would be perfectly justified in doing so.
I am so sorry this has happened to youflowers

adora1 Thu 23-Jun-16 15:54:55

And staying out all night is not on, especially when you have a 2 year old.

Hassled Thu 23-Jun-16 15:55:56

How stuck there are you? Can you or he or both of you just get home now? Because what you need more than anything else at this stage is some space from him - you need to be able to process it all and take your time in working out what you want to happen. Remember there's no rush - this isn't the time for decision making. I'm so sorry.

whattheseithakasmean Thu 23-Jun-16 15:56:05

Can he not book a room somewhere else to give you some space? Telling you on holiday is beyond cruel. You need to get some space, focus on getting through the holiday and I think he should move out when you get home, to allow you to process this in your own time. You must be in total shock.

TheNaze73 Thu 23-Jun-16 15:56:59

I would have to end it, he's a cheat. He'll do it again to you. You're worth more than that

defineme Thu 23-Jun-16 15:57:37

Just wanted to say also, that my friend discovered the same in thing in the same situation and the stress of it, pretending in front of her dc and being trapped together, meant she was hospitalised with the stress of it whilst on holiday.
It's such a bastard, horrid thing to have done to you.
The taking ds along is the ultimate betrayal.

LyndaNotLinda Thu 23-Jun-16 15:57:59

What a creep. I'd leave him with DS and go home.

tribpot Thu 23-Jun-16 15:58:35

I can believe he's dropped it on you whilst on holiday as I know someone who did this to his gf, only he neglected the rather key fact that the OW was pregnant and pretended he only found that out later. They were also in an all-inclusive resort, I wonder if it's something in the water??

I suspect he's done it on purpose now, because you can't get away from him to think properly. And because you can't access your own support network, basically it's like a controlled explosion where the dust is supposed to have settled before you get home and no-one need ever know what a cheating prick he is.

I second adora, I would ask him to go home, or leave the resort at least. If he refuses and says you've got to "work it out", I would get yourself on the plane and come home. Borrow money if you have to - be very clear with whoever you have to ask what the reason is.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Thu 23-Jun-16 15:59:38

What a twat.

I would be kicking him out of the hotel room and telling him if he wants you back he needs to give you some time.

KinkyAfro Thu 23-Jun-16 16:00:33

What a selfish fucker he is OP, I'm so sorry he's done this and so angry on your behalf. Can you tell him to fuck off home and you and DS stay on your holiday?

Notgoingtobeamug Thu 23-Jun-16 16:00:55

Had to hit send as he just came back to the room.

Stuck here until Sunday, he told me 2am yesterday morning when I woke up and asked why he wasn't asleep.

Can't go home earlier, we seriously don't have a spare penny to our name. I literally have £150 in my account until I get paid on Tuesday and he has no money at all.

It's a constant battle not to cry. It's so bloody hot here it's too hot to even go for walks.

Scarydinosaurs Thu 23-Jun-16 16:02:44

I think you need to cut the holiday short and go home.

Why do you think he has told you now?

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

adora1 Thu 23-Jun-16 16:03:13

Well he must have spending money on him, let him use that to pay for HIS fare home.

You will feel much better if he goes away OP!

Notgoingtobeamug Thu 23-Jun-16 16:03:49

Yesterday I was calm- I was in shock I guess. Today I am absolutely raging. I keep on seeing all these happy families around us and it's breaking me up inside. I have to keep smiling for DS

Scarydinosaurs Thu 23-Jun-16 16:06:11

Is he even contrite? Can you use this apologetic mood to get him to agree to leave you alone?? Is there babysitting available at the hotel? So you can talk when DS isn't there?

rollysuitcase Thu 23-Jun-16 16:06:27

im amazed by your partner's stupidity. on holiday of all places, wtf?????

telling you here probably so you can absorb the worst of shock before going home. as if having an affair wasn't bad enough, he now adds telling you on holiday.

i would probably book another room or go home and leave ds with partne/take son with you so you have time to compute whats been dropped on you. you need breathing space.

its ok to be emotional/crying/angry, your partner has done this, not you.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret Thu 23-Jun-16 16:07:23

Can you speak with the hotel? They might have a room empty for the next few days and will let you have it if you explain you have had bad news. Flying home early doesn't sound like an option, unless you have a family member who can book you a ticket from the UK.

When home, kick his arse out.

OneTwoOneTwoThreeFour Thu 23-Jun-16 16:09:01

Can you ask a family member or friend for money to get home?

Awful thing to happen 💐

LyndaNotLinda Thu 23-Jun-16 16:10:06

There must be a pool. He and DS can go and hang out by the pool all day while you stay in the room. Or they stay in the room while you go to the pool. You need space to process this. If anyone has to keep smiling for your DS, it should be him.

God what an utter shit. Sorry - I'm raging on your behalf

Gazelda Thu 23-Jun-16 16:10:29

Tell him to sleep on a sun lounger until your departure day.

You need space to digest what he's told you. Is he asking for forgiveness? Is there any reason why he hasn't blocked her number? Does he work with her?

You don't need to make any decisions until you feel ready. You don't owe him anything.

Just insist that he gives you some space. Your head must be bursting.

fieldfare Thu 23-Jun-16 16:12:27

Have you got a credit card? Or a good friend with a card that would book you and ds a flight. I'd certainly do that if it were my friend stuck there.
What an absolute wanker he is.

Anger is good, how dare he treat you like that?!

P1nkP0ppy Thu 23-Jun-16 16:15:20

I'd tell him to piss off. I wouldn't give a toss where he went, I'd just want him out of my sight.
What a cruel thing to do, wait until you're 'trapped' with him on holiday.
If you're with a tour company can they get you and DS an earlier flight home? He can stay and stew....

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