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Partner is always horrible to me when I'm ill

(119 Posts)
CopperPot Thu 23-Jun-16 12:10:48

Awful cold, cough, banging headache and fevdr for 3 days now. Plus my period just started and toddler and 6 month old to watch.

He says it's because of the way I talk to him- i got annoyed at him slamming stuff yesterday when I asked him to hold baby while I made breakfast for toddler and made bottles up. And that he's not a mind reader- how would he know to make me a tea/snack/bring Meds?

I'm just tired of it and feel even worse now. Anyone else have a partner who hates it when you're ill?

CopperPot Thu 23-Jun-16 12:17:15

When I had jaw surgery last year I came home from the surgery still quite out of it and very sore. He left me with toddler and ran to have a shower and start work leaving me with child when I needed to sleep off GA. Argument ensued and get called me a cunt with my dad in earshot (he had driving me back from hosp). He's a workaholic who wouldn't even book half a day off when I had surgery.

CopperPot Thu 23-Jun-16 12:18:45

Yesterday he said I'm trying to stop him working (it was 8am) and I'm happy to spend all his money but not let him work confused I literally don't buy anything for myself lol

Arfarfanarf Thu 23-Jun-16 12:20:23

well, he's a bastard, isn't he?

What you are saying basically is he resents you not being on top form because it means you ask things of him.

newsflash (for him) - people who love each other are happy to help when one of them is ill.

How someone treats you when you are at your most vulnerable is an insight into their character.

As is calling you a cunt.

ThomasHardyPerennial Thu 23-Jun-16 12:20:26

He sounds like a nasty shit, and I'm sorry you have to deal with his behaviour. Does he have issues with empathy about other situations too?

Get well soon flowers.

CakeNinja Thu 23-Jun-16 12:21:50

I wouldn't be loling, I'd be thinking of my options for the immediate future.
Sorry you're feeling under the weather flowers

DonkeyOaty Thu 23-Jun-16 12:24:15

What a boor

Does your family live near? I would decamp there for a bit and have a good think. I'll bet your Dad would be relieved to have you under his roof

CopperPot Thu 23-Jun-16 12:24:34

Yes he has little empathy.

I don't even ask for much. He works from home so can help but just doesn't offer to and when I ask oooh no I can't sorry. Even though I'm practically on the floor.

I do ever night alone too so he sleeps well. I was up 12-5am last night sad

CopperPot Thu 23-Jun-16 12:26:51

Dad loves him.

My family have been great for once actually so I'm grateful. My sister had my son yesterday for a few hours. My mum is on her way around and my dad is.coming tomorrow. smile

I've just cancelled wedding later in year as I'm not marrying someone who obviously doesn't care about me. He thinks I'm joking.

5BlueHydrangea Thu 23-Jun-16 12:27:39

How does he justify his behaviour to you? Surely he must have some understanding of how rough you feel? Especially post surgery, not like you could be making that up! (Not that you are but men don't always think the same way of it suits them)

Does he help much with the children day- to day?

CopperPot Thu 23-Jun-16 12:29:24

He justifies it by placing blame on me. Always. 'The reason I'm defensive and not nce is because of how you talk and I can't win'

CopperPot Thu 23-Jun-16 12:30:33

Drops ds to nursery then works from 8-6.30pm. On weekend I make him take ds out swimming so I have a break

PPie10 Thu 23-Jun-16 12:32:59

He sounds really awful, swearing and treating you like crap. You are complaining enough about him so why are you with him. What's changing?

DJBaggieSmalls Thu 23-Jun-16 12:34:12

Your Dads ok with your DH calling you a cunt?
IS there any possibility this was also your childhood?

ElspethFlashman Thu 23-Jun-16 12:34:25

Wait I'm confused....

How on earth does your Dad love a man who calls his little girl a cunt??

How does that work?

redannie118 Thu 23-Jun-16 12:35:25

My ex dh was abusive like this and is a big part of the reason he is now my ex. At the very best hes spectacular selfish, at the worse he doesnt care about you. Either way you deserve more and no its not your fault

CopperPot Thu 23-Jun-16 12:35:57

I'm not ill often so usually just plodding along I guess.

I guess I'm waiting until the kids are a bit older to then separate I couldn't manage now although I do most stuff anyway

lubeybooby Thu 23-Jun-16 12:37:22

he's doing it because he thinks you're workshy/lazy and that he's better than you in some way

my ex was the same... final straw was him shouting at me in a complete rage because i went for a nap when i had a chest infection. I left him 9 years ago and it was the best thing I've ever done in my life

I now have a man who falls over himself to look after me if I'm ill or need him.

it is NOT you or your fault

CopperPot Thu 23-Jun-16 12:37:53

He's very selfish terrifyingly. Don't know if dad heard but assume it was one off I don't kno

StrangeLookingParasite Thu 23-Jun-16 12:38:05

he's not a mind reader- how would he know to make me a tea/snack/bring Meds?

If he had the slightest bit of consideration, he would be able to think of this.
He sounds like a total loss. Good idea cancelling the wedding.

ThePartyArtist Thu 23-Jun-16 12:38:22

Mine was like this when I was ill in the past too. The worst was when I had swine flu for about 2 weeks and he shouted at me and stormed out and left me to ring my mum in tears, when I hadn't had any contact with anyone except him for two weeks.

I think he realized how upset I was after that and he is now much better. I had to really explain things, particularly that when I'm ill I may not 'need' anything in particular (i.e. I'm not expecting him to 'fix' the problem) but I do need general sympathy, someone to check if I'd like soup etc. He took a while to get the idea that he could support without having to have a solution.

CopperPot Thu 23-Jun-16 12:38:23

Thank you flowers

CopperPot Thu 23-Jun-16 12:38:42

He did call me workshy once

MaisieDotes Thu 23-Jun-16 12:39:04

You probably could manage now copper

You'd have a lot more energy and headspace if you weren't dealing with this sort of thing.

I hope you feel better soon flowers

CopperPot Thu 23-Jun-16 12:39:55

Thank you for kind replies x

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