Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Always worrying - how to break the cycle?

(9 Posts)
DontDead0penlnside Thu 23-Jun-16 08:52:07

I have had self-confidence/self-esteem issues as long as I can remember, which are undoubtedly playing a part here, but does anyone else worry that their relationship just won't last - but based on not one single real concern at all?

I have a lovely boyfriend who seems intent on loving me loads, despite my weirdness, but I just can't stop myself fretting that he'll "realise" what a horror I am; or "see through" me. Or that he'll just decide it's not worth it and bog off. Again, this is based on nothing but my own issues of feeling unlovable and hating myself much of the time.

I watched that marriage mediation documentary yesterday (bad idea) and now I keep having thoughts of - what if that's us?

It's not a pleasant way to live and I find myself "testing" him all too often. Luckily he knows this and lets me melt down until I am able to run to him for cuddles and reassurance, which he gives willingly and fulsomely (any earlier and it just won't help - told you I was weird!)

Please tell me I'm not alone in my oddity! sad

DontDead0penlnside Thu 23-Jun-16 14:24:08

Boo. Really is just me then sad blush

RedMapleLeaf Thu 23-Jun-16 14:32:09

May I recommend this book? "Feeling good handbook" by David Burns. It's quite thick and I haven't got all the way through it(!) but it has some great early chapters about challenging unfounded thoughts and feelings.

DontDead0penlnside Thu 23-Jun-16 15:17:42

Thank you RedMapleLeaf I will check it out.

GothyGeisha Thu 23-Jun-16 20:29:33

Bless you. You sound a lot like how I used to be. Perhaps you might like thing about getting some counselling, I know its the go to answer on here mostly, but it has helped me enormously. I was able to self refer on the NHS and I'm having my second lot of therapy. My counsellor has got to the bottom of mine, finding out I have PTSD from when I was very small due to my parenting and bullying.

Blushingm Thu 23-Jun-16 21:53:28

You could be me - I have a fear the world will find out I'm useless eventually

DontDead0penlnside Fri 24-Jun-16 10:03:37

GothyGeisha I had some counselling years ago, when I was going through a pretty rough time. It basically consisted of my crying for an hour x 3 and then that was it. I'm not sure I can be bothered with that again.

niceupthedance Fri 24-Jun-16 12:31:16

My boyfriend suffers like this. I suspect his is due to poor parenting/attachment. Did you have cbt? That may be more helpful in stopping the endless cycle of worry rather than digging up the past.

DontDead0penlnside Tue 28-Jun-16 08:02:37


I have no idea what I had. It was just me and the counsellor in a room. I think I had to do some kind of drawing about family connections at one point. But as I said, it was essentially just me crying for an hour x 3.

I don't even know if it helped.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now