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Dealing with a total man-baby

(8 Posts)
KanyesVest Wed 22-Jun-16 18:03:08

Aka my dad. He's having a full on hissy fit that my mum doesn't want him at her brother's funeral. My parents are very acrimoniously divorced (he won't accept that she hates him for leaving; maybe she should, but he's been told for 10 years that she won't) and he has seen recently deceased brother and his wife once in the last 10 years. They didn't recognise him on that occasion.

Dad has extensive form for throwing his toys out of the pram and we (siblings and I) have had to intervene on many occasions, even cutting contact with him for a while to get away from his unreasonableness. We will be summoned in due course for a pained and sanctimonious dressing down once he has managed to bring himself to work towards forgiving us for supporting mum and explaining that her grief trumps his entitlement to offer sympathy to people who don't care and won't notice his presence or absence.

There's no answer, I just need to vent <deep sigh>

nicenewdusters Wed 22-Jun-16 18:28:20

That sounds exhausting OP, at least you have your siblings to go through this with you.

Do you feel you have to attend the dressing down, what would happen if you all refused to go ?

Blerg Wed 22-Jun-16 18:32:59

This sounds awful, and very like my FIL. Immense sympathies. I agree with opting out of the dressing down.

Don't go. Get your siblings together and present a united "staying away in droves". Seriously, don't feed the beast. Why TF would you, anyway? Genuine question...

RunRabbitRunRabbit Wed 22-Jun-16 18:34:59

Don't go when summoned. Or walk out when he starts. Why haven't you thought of that already? Why isn't that your default adult position?

KanyesVest Wed 22-Jun-16 18:42:08

Oh, wasn't really expecting replies! Thanks all. It's been a few years since the last summons, which was in theory to discuss a difference of opinion about how he would only attend family events on his terms. Siblings and I walked out after an impasse. This time I think we'll all be refusing to attend.

Living and learning the hard way

nicenewdusters Wed 22-Jun-16 18:55:06

Good on you, sounds like the best idea. Harder to throw your toys out the pram if nobody's in the nursery watching.

By the way, loving your username OP !

KanyesVest Wed 22-Jun-16 19:20:31

If only I could channel the attitude grin

RunRabit just realised I didn't answer your question. My default adult position in all situations is my default childhood position - placate and conciliate. I had my first proper row in years with dad today. I feel remarkably OK about it though, so maybe the baby steps are getting me further than I thought.

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