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To end this relationship without even talking to him

(10 Posts)
Daenerystormborn Wed 22-Jun-16 12:32:29

I know this is a space for parents but I love the advice given on here and right now I have absolutely no-one to talk to right now.

Background: Me and DP have been together coming up 2 years. We don't have any dependants. I am an expat, so life can be difficult occasionally. I miss my family and friends and sometimes feel too reliant on him.

We generally get along great personality wise, but I find his attitude to life draining and I assume vice versa. I am very independent, I have a laid back and lazy personality but I clean up, go to work, am ambitious etc. I admit that I can be overbearing and impatient and I expect people to take responsibility for themselves.

He is very laid back, which is great, he lets me do whatever I like and I think he's a great person but I think his attitude to life stinks. He is lazy to the point of everything will be done 'tomorrow'. When he does do things he does a great job but I'm tired of having to tell him to do things. I've thought maybe I need to stop being so overbearing and just leave him to do things but they just don't get done. We've tried doing lists together. Still the same.

He loves gaming and when he's sat at his computer, I literally can't talk to him and he doesn't listen, this normally ends in an argument.

We just had an argument, he went out for 15m and when he came back I said we needed to talk about our relationship. He said he can't now because he's busy looking for a job (he wants to leave his old one/got fired) and he wants an hour to be calm, and got a bowl of cereal and sat at his computer. I just feel like it's the same thing, always, later, later, later and that once again he's choosing to avoid and sit at his computer.

Am I being unreasonable to just end it right now. How do I know if its me or him, or if we just don't work?

adora1 Wed 22-Jun-16 12:34:31

2 years and it's like this! He sounds like your son, he's never grown up OP, you sound miles apart in every way so I'd go ahead if I was you.

adora1 Wed 22-Jun-16 12:34:56

And he got fired?

Arfarfanarf Wed 22-Jun-16 12:36:52

Did you say why you wanted to talk?

If not, id suggest going to him and saying we need to talk. I am unhappy and i think we should consider splitting up.

If he doesnt want to talk, and you're unhappy, leave.

You dont have to hang around if he's unwilling to talk.

MidnightVelvetthe5th Wed 22-Jun-16 12:39:12

You sound too fundamentally different to work out long term. Cut your losses & go, sorry brew

You also don't sound very happy!

Daenerystormborn Wed 22-Jun-16 12:45:10

Him and his dad have a company together. Which is his dads but he works for them too. It's a secondary point because I understand he does have a lot of pressure from work, his dad's company lost a lot of money in the recession so he is working to get that money back hence my DP is working because his dad can't afford to employ anyone else, but hates the job and his dad is difficult to work with.

Arfar: Yes I told him. I understand because I've been saying it a lot recently but surely if he cared he would want to talk too.

Midnight: I don't know what I am right now. argh.

ImperialBlether Wed 22-Jun-16 12:53:39

Some people are nice but not the sort you can live with. If you were just seeing this bloke every now and again I'm sure he'd be fine, but the problem is that he wants to live like a 15 year old boy and, unsurprisingly, you don't.

I think if you do leave, you'll be able to stay friends and find someone who suits you more.

Arfarfanarf Wed 22-Jun-16 13:36:04

Well then either he doesnt believe you, doesn't much care if you go or thinks that if he can avoid the conversation you will just shut up and life can plod along.

So leave.

If he won't talk and you are unhappy what is there to stay for?

Daenerystormborn Wed 22-Jun-16 19:22:14

I think you hit the nail on the head with the 3rd answer. There's a lot of great things about him but I don't know how much longer it will 'work'. I also find leaving relationships very difficult as I feel like I will be letting someone down at a point where they need me.

I'm going to talk to him again. We have rented a place until October so there are a few decisions to be made.

Thanks for all your replies.

springydaffs Thu 23-Jun-16 00:04:35

He's an addict then hmm

You won't get anywhere with an addict. They have all they need and don't want anything else. When he's a saddo sitting at his computer all on his lonesome he may wake up and decide to do something about his addiction.

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