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manipulative sister In law

(31 Posts)
BrownSmilingEyes Tue 21-Jun-16 20:58:35

Does anyone have a manipulative sister in law who they live with? She makes everything I do look bad, and always making snide comments about me. She's obviously jealous that I am much better at most things than her but how can I cope with this? Sometimes it just gets too much.
My husband refuses to move out of the family home so that's not the answer sad

BeenThereDoneThatForgotten Tue 21-Jun-16 21:01:44

Move out?

PhoenixReisling Tue 21-Jun-16 21:03:34

Why do you have to live there? Is it a cultural thing?

DailyMailResearcher Tue 21-Jun-16 21:03:35

Find her a partner so she will love out!

DailyMailResearcher Tue 21-Jun-16 21:03:52

Move not love

BrownSmilingEyes Tue 21-Jun-16 21:04:24

We live in a large family in a large family home. I've tried reasoning with him but he can't see her for what she's really like. Moving out is not an option sad

AlanPacino Tue 21-Jun-16 21:05:21

When she makes snide comments tell her it hurts your feelings. Every time.

AyeAmarok Tue 21-Jun-16 21:05:48

Your husband neevr wants to move out of his (parents'?) family home?

Does that not strike you as odd?

Dairybanrion Tue 21-Jun-16 21:06:55

She's obviously jealous that I am much better at most things than her but how can I cope with this?

Are you serious there?! You sound like hard work to be honest.

AyeAmarok Tue 21-Jun-16 21:06:58

Never* Woops.

It is an option, at least for you. You just move out into your own place. He can follow if he wants to.

BrownSmilingEyes Tue 21-Jun-16 21:08:08

Yes it's a cultural thing. She is married to his older brother, so he doesn't like to say anything to him either (again cultural/respect thing)
Yes very odd he doesn't want to move out but it's never going to happen.
I don't think she would even take it on board if I said she hurt my feelings.

Gazelda Tue 21-Jun-16 21:11:09

Have you wondered what she'd post if she were on MN?
"my SIL makes it obvious she believes herself better than me at most things. How can I cope with this?"

BrownSmilingEyes Tue 21-Jun-16 21:15:13

She always makes it clear what I am doing is wrong and goes out of her way to be better. She's not intimidated by me in the least

Waltermittythesequel Tue 21-Jun-16 21:22:12

If you think she's obviously jealous because you're so much better than her, she probably thinks you're a stuck up so and so who has too high an opinion of herself...

cheesecadet Tue 21-Jun-16 21:22:33

"Much better at most things than her" Well that's not cocky at all is it?!

loveyoutothemoon Tue 21-Jun-16 21:24:48

In competition with each other! People like this do my head in.

rollonthesummer Tue 21-Jun-16 21:26:49

Will you always live with her? I don't think that's a way of life I could sustain.

BrownSmilingEyes Tue 21-Jun-16 21:35:55

Yes I guess it is a competition thing. I've not explained myself very clearly. I'm not cocky, I just haven't given enough explanation of her character. Never mind

MarcelineTheVampire Tue 21-Jun-16 21:38:55

I think the problem is OP that you haven't really endeared yourself to anyone by saying that you are better than her at most things. Perhaps she knows this is how you feel and this makes her react badly?

Have you tried talking to her?

BrownSmilingEyes Tue 21-Jun-16 21:44:18

Yes you are right. The original post was not clear and certainly not clear of the situation.
No I have not tried talking to her.

CantAffordtoLive Tue 21-Jun-16 21:56:15

You need to stop caring. It's easy to say, but as you get older, it's something you tend to learn.

Just try to ignore. Go out, build a life outside of the one your are experiencing, make other friends. It's easier said than done I know.

MarcelineTheVampire Tue 21-Jun-16 22:08:17

Perhaps start trying to build a relationship with her? Even if it doesn't lead you to be best friends it may help make your life easier if you can be civil. You may be getting each other completely wrong and it is leading to misunderstandings?

DailyMailResearcher Tue 21-Jun-16 22:11:10

Have been there OP, I was the youngest of three daughter inlaws, DH said would never move out, til he saw what it was doing to me. We moved out and never looked back. Relationships much better now, not perfect but tolerable. SILs probably resent the fact I got away. Lots of back story though in my case and generally an awful family, took them years to accept me. Feel free to PM me if you need to chat.

SandyY2K Tue 21-Jun-16 22:19:53

My guess is this is the Asian culture. If so you kind of know your signing up to live with the inlaws and have to put up with everything that comes with it.

I've had a few Asian friends with similar issues, but it's usually the mother in law that's the issue.

One friend moved back to her parents with her son until her DH found them a place to rent. She just couldn't cope with her MIL anymore.

I suggest you ignore her and stay away from her as much as you can.

cozietoesie Tue 21-Jun-16 22:29:07

Do you have PILs living there as well? How do they react if so?

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