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Ex DH wants to introduce 5 year old to OW after only 3 months.

(10 Posts)
movingonup2016 Mon 20-Jun-16 23:53:46

In March I found out my DH was seeing another woman. He left me and my son in our family home, from which we have since moved out to start again. It has been an upheaval to say the least. DH has agreed to a divorce in which I can state adultery as the reason. I have been reasonable throughout this upsetting time, asking only that DH talk to me before introducing DS to the OW. I have since found out that DH and DS 'bumped into' OW whilst in town. Since then, DH wants to accelerate DS' relationship with OW, against my wishes. I am fraught that DS is already going under a massive period of upsetting change and just want DH to make this transition gradual. He is very much against the idea and has called me controlling and threatened court action. AIBU to expect after everything that's happened, he acts with a little sensitivity towards me and DS here?? Do I have any legal rights? Thank you MN.

TheNaze73 Tue 21-Jun-16 00:00:41

I think it's far too soon but, don't think he's breaking any rules.
I waited over a year before introducing children & I'd been divorced 5 years before that

Costacoffeeplease Tue 21-Jun-16 00:16:24

I don't think you have any legal rights, you can ask, but what he does on his contact time is up to him (unless you have serious safety concerns)

Lonecatwithkitten Tue 21-Jun-16 00:38:46

No you have no legal rights. Three months in this scenario is quite a while my ExH waited three days!

OrangesandLemonsNow Tue 21-Jun-16 01:04:11

I know its hard but legally no there isn't anything you can do.

PrettyDumb Tue 21-Jun-16 01:54:50

It will happen eventually, so why put it off? It sounds like ex and ow are planning on a serious relationship, so it's for the best that your son gets used to her.

Have you met the ow yet? It might be helpful to clear the air so that you can move on.

Cabrinha Tue 21-Jun-16 07:57:12

It's bloody awful for you that it's an OW, but 3 months is a long time for a 5yo.

My then 4.10yo met my first post divorce boyfriend after 3 months. Low key, not "here's your new dad" just "mum has boyfriend". She was interested to meet him, not at all perturbed by the change, and not overly involved or bothered a year later when we split.

I don't think early introductions are always bad - it entirely depends on the child's personality and how the introduction is presented.

He's an arsehole for cheating on you, but if this is a serious relationship and it is handled well, depending on your son's personality it's not a problem. (understandably for you, not for him)

My child was very much "ooooh, exciting" and on the split "aaaah, that's sad - can I have an ice cream?"

You certainly have no legal option to prevent this.

scarlets Tue 21-Jun-16 08:25:26

It's out of your control unless there are safety worries so all you can do is hope that your ex handles it sensibly. I hope he does.

HotNatured Tue 21-Jun-16 08:54:16

It's too soon, but certainly not illegal. I have dated men with young children before and they often seem keen to introduce them way too soon in my opinion, both for me and the children. I think six months is more sensible, but sadly your ex doesn't have to take your wishes into account in these circumstances. Hopefully he will exercise caution and be mindful and sensitive to your child's emotions.

Kungfupandaworksout16 Tue 21-Jun-16 17:51:59

Have you tried the shoe on the other foot tactic? Switch the roles would he be content with that? No you can't stop her being around him unless there are serious safety issues. But if they are planning on moving in together not much you can do. Maybe sit him down and set rules. Like can you introduce her slowly , two weekends out of the month for an hour or two. She isn't to refer to herself as step mum etc etc. it's worth a try

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