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DP, alcohol and parental capacity

(36 Posts)
windygales Mon 20-Jun-16 20:14:57

My DP and I have 2 young kids. 3yo and 1yo. I'm struggling, I work part time and find it all hardwork. I've been poorly too, just heavy cold.
We went to family BBQ yesterday, I drove. DP drank. He was a pain getting the kids to bed and so took the 1yo downstairs so I could get the 3yo to sleep.
It took a while but I can't downstairs, he had fallen asleep and 1yo was helping herself to my handbag and looked like she'd be left unsupervised for a bit. He was asleep in the chair.
This isn't the first time.
He has form for drinking too much.
I think I need to leave him.
Would you?

dementedpixie Mon 20-Jun-16 20:16:30

Not really enough information to say whether you should leave him or not

DeathStare Mon 20-Jun-16 20:16:45

If this isn't the first time why did you leave your DC with him when you knew he had been drinking?

windygales Mon 20-Jun-16 20:18:05

I don't know death star? I didn't think he'd do it again and I needed to get the kids into bed and so I can get ready for work for next day and sleep myself.
We have loads of issues anyway.

Believeitornot Mon 20-Jun-16 20:18:37

Well I don't know why you left him with the 1 year old when you knew he was drunk.

Putting that aside, why do you need to leave him?

DetestableHerytike Mon 20-Jun-16 20:19:14

Christ, 2 out of 3 posters blaming the OP. Nice.

uhoh2016 Mon 20-Jun-16 20:20:12

I wouldn't go as far as to say leave him but don't let him do the bedtime if he's been drinking. You drove and was sober so why didn't you do the bedtime?
If me and my dh go to family gatherings we take turns who drinks or drives, whoever is driving is responsible for the children.

windygales Mon 20-Jun-16 20:21:15

Thanks detestable.
He's the father too. Yes I was short sighted. But I'm asking if I can trust him again

DetestableHerytike Mon 20-Jun-16 20:21:45

She left him with the 1 year old whilst putting the three year old to bed, not whilst popping off to the pub herself.

I've been drunk and able to stay awake and supervise a child for a short period. Drunk enough to fall asleep when in charge of a kid is pretty shocking, and if you know you are going to fall asleep, stick kid in playpen or something.

OP, have you spoken to him about it in the last?

windygales Mon 20-Jun-16 20:22:08

Yes i needed help.
But in future I'll look after the kids.

windygales Mon 20-Jun-16 20:22:55

Yes he feels awful.

DetestableHerytike Mon 20-Jun-16 20:23:25

Uhoh, she was doing bedtime, she was settling the 3 year old and doubtless came down to do the 1 year old after. It's really not too much to ask the other parent to stay awake, even if they have to make themselves a coffee or splash cold water on themselves to do so.

DetestableHerytike Mon 20-Jun-16 20:24:08

Windy, please don't blame yourself. It's good he feels awful. Will he drink less in future?

windygales Mon 20-Jun-16 20:24:20

He was also really nasty to me. Sorry to drop feed.
I think about splitting a lot. We've an awful relationship. No affection. Arguing all the time. sad

HermioneJeanGranger Mon 20-Jun-16 20:24:25

What happened last time he got drunk around the DC?

Buckinbronco Mon 20-Jun-16 20:24:55

I think you're going to have to say a bit more about your problems OP. This on its own you'd certainly be unusually harsh and somewhat selfish (considering the effect on the children) to end the relationship. But you've said its not just this?

windygales Mon 20-Jun-16 20:26:09

Last time he did the same but the stair gate was open so she was trying to get up the stairs.
Last night he was shouting at me in the car in front of the kids. And was playing the 3 yo against me. Saying she didn't need to go to bed.

1horatio Mon 20-Jun-16 20:26:19

If it's impossible to put both kids to bed without DP's help for sone reason then he just can't drink or drink muuuch less (1 beer shouldn't be so much that he can't stay awake).

If there is a way and you're willing to do this for DP (is he sometimes doing similar things for you?) then you just have to bite the bullet on these evenings and be prepared to do the bedtime stuff alone.

DetestableHerytike Mon 20-Jun-16 20:26:31

Oh no sad would counselling help?

windygales Mon 20-Jun-16 20:26:57

I've left him before 3 years ago as he drank too much and ruined any social occasion,

windygales Mon 20-Jun-16 20:27:49

We've had an initial counselling session but now we are waiting for a space so we can start the course

uhoh2016 Mon 20-Jun-16 20:28:20

Sorry I misunderstood I thought he'd put 3yo to bed then brought 1yo downstairs.
Sounds like there's more to this than 1 drunken evening

1horatio Mon 20-Jun-16 20:28:41

Oh, I didn't read your last comment. Is he often such an arse? Is he only like that if he's drunk? If yes, do you think he'd be willing to stop drinking (or drink muuuch less)?

Dozer Mon 20-Jun-16 20:29:04

So he has a big drink problem and is horrible to you.

Yes, leave him. My friend did for similar reasons and her life is far better without him: he still has a drink problem, as does his now partner, he still sees their DC frequently but DC know about the drink problem and it's hard for them.

windygales Mon 20-Jun-16 20:30:47

Sorry I'm really aware I'm drip feeding.

I think that I didn't give lots of info as I wondered if others wouldn't tolerate that incident.

I'm thinking one would but not with all the other problems added

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