I should be happy. I'm pregnant after multiple IVFs and multiple losses, but no chance to enjoy that because I have to care for my DF (dementia) and DP (diabetes complications, latest being chronic leg ulcers). DP currently off work because leg tissue so badly damaged. Needs frequent dressing changes each day (every two hours minimum) but he can't do this himself because of other chronic pain and GP surgery are having difficulty recognising/providing for this. I'm worried sick for him, he was in hospital last year with something similar and wound management as an inpatient was dire. This year the wound is worse. He's refusing to go to hospital because of last year's appalling treatment but can't care for himself at home .
I've managed to hand over much of what I do for DF to the LA-provided carers, but they are cheapest agency and struggling to get them to follow care plan. Lots of complaints and monitoring required, but no other agency will take on DF's needs as can't accommodate the number/timing of visits required. There are things I haven't yet been able to hand over (meeting social worker this week to try and get the ball rolling on that - long battle, carer's assessment request submitted initially in December last year, only happening now because I said I was refusing to provide the care I do any longer, duty of care, vulnerable adult etc). There are some things I can't hand over to anyone (accompaniment to medical investigation appointments).
So I work full time, doing an average of 5 hours' overtime a week to make up for lost time spent on attending appointments for myself, DP and DF. I spend 2-3 evenings a week and most of Saturday with DF, and the rest of the time doing what I can for DP.
I'm totally exhausted, at the end of my tether, snapping at the people I love the most and want to care for. I have awful insomnia, a desperate need to have time to myself and to feel loved and looked after and feel so selfish for this and I just want to run away from it all. I really struggle with social commitments at the best of times (online aspergers tests have been very revealing and insightful) but my coping mechanisms are burnt out .
Sorry for the long post, I have no-one I can say this to and just needed to get it off my chest.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I'm a terrible person, can't cope with caring anymore
NowhereToRun · 20/06/2016 04:44
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.