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to be annoyed that dp is on piss when im ill

(10 Posts)
diamond457 Fri 17-Jun-16 19:58:00

We have hardly spent any time together this week. Because of the bloody footie we have only spent one day together so far this week. Hes been at mates and the pub the rest of the week.
Today he graduated from college as part of his work. He told me he was going for a pint after college at 4pm. I said to him make sure you make time for us too because I've hardly seen you.
He told me last night he was going to be home around six. He's now just called at 8 to say hes moving on to the next pub to buy a round then getting train home. He won't be home till around 9.30 when its too late for me to put a film on or whatever. I'm at home with a vomitting bug, struggling with dd because I'm so ill and have been bored shitless all day with no company.

We just had a row on the phone and he said I'm being unfair. I told him he shouldn't fill my head with shit about expecting him home early before night time and then come home at night time.
I probably am bu. But I am so ill and fed up and find it really annoying he just does what ever he pleases all the time while I'm stuck in all the bloody time and more so because I am ill and not up to doing anything I want to do.

offside Fri 17-Jun-16 20:15:48

I'd be pissed off too, but more so at saying he was going to be home at a certain time and not sticking to it. This has been a bone of contention in my relationship in the past, now, I tell DP not to give me a time he will be home as I know he can't stick to it.

I recall one day when I was on mat leave, DD was six months old and I was still co-sleeping/breastfeeding and very tired. He left the house at 08:40 as he had a full day of activities planned with his mates. Told me he would be home for DDs bedtime at 18:30 so didn't need to take a key. He didn't roll up until 22:45, at which point I'd gone to bed and he had to go and sleep on his mates sofa. I told him I'm not going to be a mug and sit around waiting for him. It was this that led to me telling him not give me a time he would be home when he goes out (and that he must ALWAYS take a key with him!!)

I hope you're feeling better soon.

DrMorbius Fri 17-Jun-16 20:28:37

So basically you are bored shitless and you want your DP to come home and entertain you, like a performing monkey.

He has just graduated of course he wants to go out and celebrate.

He probably thinks he has to lie about his coming home time, because he knows what your reaction will be like if he tells you the truth.

diamond457 Fri 17-Jun-16 20:29:40

That is the most annoying thing. Never sticks to the time and you are left sitting like a mug. I never get out much. Limited friends with their own lives and commitments and he sees his friends around three times a week.

He hung up on me on the phone after me having a go at him. I said just stay out cause clearly you would rather do that than be at home with me and he said no I want to come home now. But if he did he would have just left to be home in time so we could have an eve together and see dd but he hasn't.

I'm so pissed off after looking at four walls all day and night while he's out having a bloody blast.
He doesn't realise how lonely and isolated I am. I quit my job after years of bullying and still trying to find work sinse May so I find it hard been alone in the house and more so because I'm ill just now so not up to going walking or doing anything.
If he's home later than 9.30 I'm just going to get up and go out with dd tomorrow without a word. Mite seem childish but stuff spending time with him on his merits, when he clicks his fingers. I'm too readily available.

diamond457 Fri 17-Jun-16 20:33:51

Hes the one that said he would be home around 6 so we could spend the eve together so he's let me down. Hes left me to deal with dd alone while I have a sickness bug. Not as if he's working he's out on the Piss, I could do with a hand.
He had plans and he's ruined them, not that I want him home to entertain me but the fact I'm really poorly I would have expected him to go out have a few pints and come back and help me and spend the eve together seeing as I've only spent one eve with him this week!

BolshierAryaStark Fri 17-Jun-16 20:43:31

Harsh Morbius hmm Yes of course he wants to celebrate but he then shouldn't have spent the rest of the week watching footie etc then should he-hardly an unexpected event is it?
OP it's a shit thing but it's done now. Get some down time, sleep off the illness & have a conversation in the morning about making more time for each other.

offside Fri 17-Jun-16 20:44:08

DrMobius just because he has finished a course and wants to celebrate, doesn't mean you can forget you have responsibilities and be a selfish twunt. It would have been perfectly reasonable to say, can't celebrate tonight, but we'll arrange it for another day.

My DP has and does rearrange things if he hasn't seen much of our DD and I. He works away a LOT, and can be gone all week. So when he gets home, he WANTS to spend time with us, and rearranging things is no big deal, this isn't because I ask him, on the contrary, I encourage him to stick to plans, but he isn't that selfish and sees that family time and our relationship is more important than a piss up.

RiceCrispieTreats Fri 17-Jun-16 21:08:15

I think him staying out till all hours is fine, even if you're sick (as long as he's showing some kindness and concern for your state). Illness sucks and is boring, I sympathise, but there's nothing anyone can do apart from let it run its course.

What's not fine is announcing a time he'll be home and then reneging on it. That just seems disrespectful (you're not worth telling the truth to, or promises made to you aren't worth keeping).

Isetan Sat 18-Jun-16 06:15:46

it sounds like your more jealous of him having a life outside of your home and if that's the case, then that's your problem, not his. However, this stupid dynamic where he lies about how late he'll be and you get upset about him being late, knowing full well that he was lying get, is just ridiculous.

Time for you get a life and for him to be a grown up.

andintothefire Sat 18-Jun-16 11:58:07

It sounds as though it's a combination of lots of factors at the moment - the football, him graduating, you being ill, your struggles with finding friends to see, your struggles with finding work.

The football will be over soon, so you just need to hang on a couple of weeks for that. The graduating was also a one-off - I agree it is annoying that he didn't come home when he said he would, but to be honest if I had been in your position I would have expected him to have a few drinks. I don't think it's worth getting angry about and I hope you can have a nice weekend together now.

I wonder if he is feeling that being at home is a struggle for him at the moment because you are down and there is nothing he can do about it? Yes, it's his role to be there for you and to encourage you. But I could also imagine him finding it tough and wanting to escape. I just don't know enough about the situation. I absolutely agree with PPs who say that the solution long term is for you to sort your own life out. I know that is easier said than done, but you need to be living your own life and expecting him to be the one looking after DD while you are out too!

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