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Close friend constantly crying wolf

(6 Posts)
stirling Fri 17-Jun-16 14:00:50

Hello,

Wonder how people would handle this sort of situation. A close friend of mine has been having an affair for a couple of years now. I only met her a year ago but we clicked as friends as she's quickly become a close friend.

The problem is that she's breaking up with her lover frequently and calling me in despair, I spent an awful lot of time consoling her (+ ultimately advising her to leave this relationship) but within hours they're back together again.

I've been suffering with a health condition for a long time now (daily chronic tension headaches) for which I'm taking daily medication plus the end of a painful relationship myself.
She's been incredibly supportive during the break up but I haven't really had as many on/offs as she has and my patience is wearing thin.

I feel loyal to her because without her support and without the advice I received on mumsnet I'd not have been able to leave my destructive relationship.

My relationship went on for over 3 years, but I soon gathered that close friends had become weary about the status "is it on or off?" they would ask with a weary smile when I'd meet for coffee every few months. I felt it was unfair to friends to keep dragging them in so I ended up closing up ( possible cause of daily migraines) and eventually finding a good counsellor.

My friend on the other hand has a crisis every week. I judge her situation on a moral level but don't voice it as she's such an emotionally volatile person.
I'm just tired of her crying out of control, with me, for sometimes a few hours, then getting back and sending me a happy bubbly text message saying he's texted her!

Fed up. Any advice welcome. Should add that she's been my main support in last 6 months and I'm a single mum.

Thanks

Vagabond Fri 17-Jun-16 15:46:19

Tricky. Sounds like she's given you a bit but is taking back too much. How exhausting for you. She sounds very draining. I have no advice because I don't know what I would do in your situation. I certainly couldn't put up with hours of crying....

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Fri 17-Jun-16 15:55:42

Give her the contact details of the counsellor you saw?

blueemerald Fri 17-Jun-16 17:21:51

I knew someone like this at university. I steered well clear but my closest friend got hooked in. We are now 7 years post leaving university and my friend has only just ditched this emotional drain (ED). The clincher was when the ED spent a few hours sobbing to my friend about various aspects of her essentially great life and finished with "you don't know what it's like to have your family so far away." ED's loving and supportive parents lived an hour away by train. My only child 26 year old friend's parents had both died within 4 months of each other less than 6 months previously.
Something will happen and you will say enough is enough. I'm sad it took my friend so long and that she had to hear that from a "friend" but that was her line, she had to decide for herself.

stirling Sat 18-Jun-16 22:43:12

Thanks for the advice all. Ive sorted it out by having a little talk. Hard going, keeps you feeling weary.

AddToBasket Sat 18-Jun-16 23:04:30

This is tough. Can you reorganise what you want from these conversations? Of course they are frustrating if you think you are giving advice for her to act on. Less frustrating if you just allow her to let off steam while you just nod.

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