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I shouldn't have looked

(51 Posts)
CrossHatched Fri 17-Jun-16 13:20:46

Backstory is I've been with a wonderful man for two years, he's been like an antidote to the abusive losers I've been with in the past including an EA marriage in which XH cheated many times. Part of what I love about him is that he's on board with my feminist views and doesn't watch porn (after seeing a documentary about the other side to it a few years ago), is very respectful of women etc.

Out of curiosity (I'm working on a photo project) I googled myself to see what images are available of me in the public domain, and then did the same for BF. What came up was his MySpace account which he's told me he's got before but as I've never used it, I don't really understand what it is or how it works.

It seems he's 'connected' to dozens and dozens of profiles of women connected to the porn and glamour modelling industry. I'm genuinely shocked! I know this isn't cheating and his account was set up when he was much younger but it's really changed how I feel about him. It puts into question all the things we've discussed about feminism and women being objectified etc. He's knows my views, we've had many discussions about this and he always agrees with me!

I know I shouldn't have looked, I do trust him so wasn't looking for evidence of anything and this is all in the public domain. I'm not sure what to do with this information now but I am disgusted and embarrassed for him. I don't even know if I should say anything but also don't know if I can hide my feelings as he'll know something is up. WWYD?

60sname Fri 17-Jun-16 13:23:39

Is it current? MySpace is pretty old hat now and if he has a profile lurking from a decade ago it might well not reflect his current views

NoCapes Fri 17-Jun-16 13:25:34

Nobody uses MySpace anymore
He was probably a teenager when he last used it
Let it go

CrossHatched Fri 17-Jun-16 13:28:57

His profile picture is one from in his mid 20s (he's early 30s now). I know it may not seem like a big deal but it's made me question how well I really know him. Why has he left is active as well? I'm not sure if I should raise this with him.

MorticiaLiverish Fri 17-Jun-16 13:31:42

My MySpace account is still active, mainly because its so flipping long since i used it that I can't remember my log in details!

I would also let it go. Just because he was like that back the doesn't mean that he is now.

RainIsAGoodThing Fri 17-Jun-16 13:32:36

Views can change. There are things I did and believed in my teens that, after learning more about the world and maturing, I don't do or think now.

My MySpace is still active. I haven't used it in about 8 years. I haven't deactivated it because I don't give two hoots about anything on there anymore, and it hasn't crossed my mind.

gamerchick Fri 17-Jun-16 13:33:13

My space went out with the dinosaurs, I'm not the same person I was in my 20s or my 30s for that matter. Let it go Imo.

Jackie0 Fri 17-Jun-16 13:33:47

I wouldn't even mention it to him , it's ancient history.

branofthemist Fri 17-Jun-16 13:36:07

Part of what I love about him is that he's on board with my feminist views and doesn't watch porn (after seeing a documentary about the other side to it a few years ago), is very respectful of women etc.

He has changed his view. You said so yourself. I don't see the issue if this an old account. I can't even remember my user name for my space. I can't even remember if you made one up or had it your own name.

TheNaze73 Fri 17-Jun-16 13:39:22

MySpace is older than Bebo.

Just accept that before your date line commenced, he had a history

loobyloo1234 Fri 17-Jun-16 13:48:22

grin I dread to think what's on my MySpace account to be honest. I would hope no one would judge me for it. Don't think I've been logged in for 10 years and my views back then, are very different to what they would be now quickly googles it to make sure there is nothing horrific on there

RNBrie Fri 17-Jun-16 13:51:31

There was loads of porn spam on MySpace back in the day. From memory, you could follow someones page without them having to accept you. So I really wouldn't worry about this at all, he probably has no idea his page is linked to these women.

CrossHatched Fri 17-Jun-16 13:55:11

The thing is, he has no friends on there - it's all glamour models. I never had an account but assumed it was like Facebook where you have 'friends'. Where are all the ordinary people?

I have no issues with his past. We often talk about what we got up to when we were younger and there's no issue because we trust each other. This feels different though - it's so seedy and although I know he used to enjoy reading the likes of zoo and nuts (he said until he matured, no longer does) it's a little different to be following them publicly for all to see. It just makes him look pathetic! Not something I'd ever have said about him before.

BertrandRussell Fri 17-Jun-16 13:56:46

You can't just leave it,though, can you? You can't unsee it. And if the profile picture is only 5ish years old, it's not really ancient history.

I think you have to talk to him about it, sorry. You say his views changed after he saw the documentary-so his behaviour might have np been very different before that. But you have to tell him you've seen it and talk about it or it will be corrosive.

lissage Fri 17-Jun-16 13:56:57

I'm old and even I know that nobody uses MySpace any longer. grin
If everything else about him checks out fine and no other red flags, totally disregard that MySpace account.

loobyloo1234 Fri 17-Jun-16 13:57:25

I think you're being unreasonable OP tbh. If someone judged me on a MySpace account that I created 10-15 or so years ago, I don't think I'd want to be with them anymore anyway

lissage Fri 17-Jun-16 13:58:08

xpost with your most recent. His account has probably been hacked.

OliviaStabler Fri 17-Jun-16 14:00:27

Nobody uses MySpace anymore

So true.

It is way in his past. Let it go.

mcmeh54 Fri 17-Jun-16 14:02:07

I would try to bring it up in conversation in a light hearted way and see his reaction. As most posters have said MySpace was a long long time ago and it was nothing like Facebook. Most of us that had an account would not remember what was on there or how it even worked... Old history and most likely nothing at all to be concerned with.

The reason I suggest bringing it up is that way you see his reaction and will be able to put your mind at rest rather than torment yourself asking what ifs...

EmGee Fri 17-Jun-16 14:03:40

I'm going against the grain here to say that I would ask him about it.

I say that because I once had an experience with then BF (now DH) where something I downloaded on his computer - by email - seemed to bring up a whole load of dubious looking photos (porn etc).

I was totally shocked as this didn't fit in with the man I thought I knew. On the advice of a friend, I asked him about it that evening. Not accusatory but just presented it is as a fact. 'I was reading an email from X, downloaded the attached photos, and then I saw all of this' (and described what I saw).

We got to the bottom of it (nothing sinister going on; in fact it was all easily explained). I was really glad I tacked it as it would have preyed on my mind otherwise. This was before we got married but we were quite serious at the time. I think you've got to ask him or you will never know. You don't have to accuse him of anything; just explain how you came to see it and tell him you feel confused, given his feminist views. I agree with other PPs that he probably has no idea he is linked to these women but for your own peace of mind, I would talk to him about it.

Good luck!

TooMuchMNTime Fri 17-Jun-16 14:04:25

I would ask him
I'm wondering if he worked in the industry maybe, could also ha e totally changed after doing so.

MyCatWasRightAboutYou Fri 17-Jun-16 14:05:11

If it doesn't reflect the kind of person they are now, then it's in the past. I found my old LiveJournal from when I was a teenager and it made me cringe. I had some shitty views on things before I matured and became more educated on things.I'm sure you did too. The only difference is that his is still on the internet.

MyKingdomForBrie Fri 17-Jun-16 14:06:49

I agree with looby and also think you're being hugely unfair in judging him and not speaking to him about it. Just say 'look what came up when I googled you' then talk about how you feel about it!

FirstWeTakeManhattan Fri 17-Jun-16 14:16:03

*Just say 'look what came up when I googled you'

Yup. This. Just ask him. It's bothered you, he'll know why. If he's a good 'un, he won't mind.

FirstWeTakeManhattan Fri 17-Jun-16 14:16:16

bold fail

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