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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Sister want a seperation partner won't leave

29 replies

user1466158442 · 17/06/2016 11:31

My sister and her partner have 2 kids. She owns the family home outright but he did all of the renovation work on the house. He has made almost no financial contribution to the home in the 6 years they have been together. He is not really a house husband either as my sister still pays for childcare 2 days a week. She wants to seperate, arguments are escalating and it is affecting everyones mental health - but he doesn't want to leave. He is a good Dad and she wants this to be fair all round but without her having to sell the house just to get him to leave.

OP posts:

Report

Oysterbabe · 17/06/2016 11:35

Are they married?

user1466158442 · 17/06/2016 11:42

No not married

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 17/06/2016 11:43

That's good they aren't married.
She could get some advice for CAB but her best bet is probably a family solicitor who can issue a letter to her partner regarding leaving the property.
But legal advice would be my 1st stop.

BarbarianMum · 17/06/2016 11:44

Well is he entitled to stay? He is if they are married, or if his name is on the mortgage/tenancy agreement. Your sister needs legal advice. (If dh told me to move out because he wanted a separation I'd tell him to do one - at the point of separation people generally act in their own interests).

user1466158442 · 17/06/2016 11:48

Not married and his name isn't on the mortgage.

OP posts:

CoolforKittyCats · 17/06/2016 11:50

Is he on the deeds? Whether he is on the mortgage or not isn't really relevant.

bluerequired · 17/06/2016 11:51

Imagine him as a woman. I hope he is on Mn getting his own help.

BarbarianMum · 17/06/2016 11:52

Then she can force him to move out. But if he's been looking after the children 3 days a week whilst she works he may be able to take them with him. Really your sis needs legal advice. In the meantime she should stop sharing a bedroom with him and stop doing his washing/cooking etc (if she does) to make it clear that they are no longer a couple.

BarbarianMum · 17/06/2016 11:53

Yes, sorry, I meant deeds not mortgage. Is the house partly in his name?

bluerequired · 17/06/2016 11:55

I do think it's easy to get him out. Ask your sister to get a solicitor to give him notice. There is nothing he can do. Tell her to change the locks if it gets worse, it's her house.

CoolforKittyCats · 17/06/2016 11:58

I do think it's easy to get him out. Ask your sister to get a solicitor to give him notice. There is nothing he can do. Tell her to change the locks if it gets worse, it's her house.

Not that simple. Especially if he is on the deeds. He also seems to be a SAHD.

OrangesandLemonsNow · 17/06/2016 11:59

She owns the family home outright but he did all of the renovation work on the house. He has made almost no financial contribution to the home in the 6 years they have been together.

He has made a financial contribution if he did all of the renovations.

bluerequired · 17/06/2016 12:06

From Mn post it seems that the unmarried sahm are kicked out of their homes easily. Usually left with nothing. Why is it different for him ? Op hasn't mentioned anything about deeds.
If he is on the deeds, then she should treat him the same way a stay at home mum would be treated by a decent person.

NickiFury · 17/06/2016 12:13

blue he hasn't posted though has he? The OP has posted on behalf of her sister for advice so that's who is being advised. In addition we only have very sketchy details at this point so how about holding fire on behalf of the Menz till we know a bit more?

user1466158442 · 17/06/2016 12:26

He isn't on the deeds - can I also be clear that she wants to come to a fair arrangement but his contribution to child care hasn't been great and she works from home so is there when the kids come in from school etc

OP posts:

user1466158442 · 17/06/2016 12:27

If he was genuinely a stay at home Dad I think we would all feel differently but he doesn't cook or clean and is only looking after the kids in as much as he is there. There have been a few accidents when kids have been hurt because he wasn't paying attention.

OP posts:

bluerequired · 17/06/2016 12:30

Menz I would say the same thing if it was a woman being treated like this. I have offered a balanced view. Take it or leave. From the op's post he as contributed. The sister does not want to take that into consideration

Op also uses the word almost no contribution to the house. Which means there is little contribution. That is excluding the cost of the renovation. Unless that is what she meant as apart of the contribution. It must have been a lot work for it to be included in the debate on who gets what.

What if the renovation was building an extension? We don't know that.

user1466158442 · 17/06/2016 12:32

The only reason he doesn't work is because he can't get a job that pays over £40k and doesn't see why he should have to work for anything less. In all the time he has been paying my sister the odd £200 here or there he has had a bank account with £50k in it that he was saving for a business project and refused to tap into even when she had a baby and wanted to take a few months off work on maternity leave he still refused to use it.

OP posts:

bluerequired · 17/06/2016 12:37

After reading your update, your sister should kick him to the curb. Tell her to get a lawyer.

hellsbellsmelons · 17/06/2016 12:43

I would still get lawyer advice but when he goes out next I'd be changing the locks, packing his stuff up and putting on the front lawn.
He has £50K so he can sort himself out, no problem!
Just get the locks changed and kick him to the curb.
The cocklodging asshole!

QuintessentialShadow · 17/06/2016 12:49

She should not aim to be fair, because he wont be. And he hasnt been, from the sound of it.

She should look out for herself and her children, as it may not sound like he has any intention of sharing his wealth with them.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 17/06/2016 12:50

He has no rights to be there. He has substantial savings. All she has to do is tell him to leave and change the locks. She doesn't even need to change the locks actually. Just tell him to leave and call the police if he doesn't.

Renovating the house is definitely a contribution. A big one, depending on how much work was involved. Seeing as he doesn't contribute much otherwise to the household it would be reasonable to think of the renovation as being in lieu of rent and thus be OK to just get him out. Especially if he's managed to save up so much cash while she pays all the bills.

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cadno · 17/06/2016 12:54

As he did work renovating the property (and presumably increased its value) then that might have created a situation where a resulting trust has been created - whereby although your sister owns all of the legal title to the property, he may be entitled to some part of the money from it - and she holds it on trust to him. THE questions to consider are, did they have any discussion about it and what did your sister agree to.

SandyY2K · 17/06/2016 13:14

Seeing a solicitor is her best bet. She can give all the details and they take it from there.

I imagine he refuses to leave because he's jobless, but I don't think he has the right to stay there not being married.

She could serve him an eviction notice, but that's going to get his back up and will cost her legal fees.

She could change the locks and pack his stuff up and he can't get in, but this will also cause issues. The police would tell him to leave if she called and said it's her house and he's not wanted.

She has options but enforcing them will make an acrimonious split and cause tension. Sometimes it has to come down to that though.

I certainly wouldn't want him and his laziness either.

OliviaStabler · 17/06/2016 13:21

She should get some good legal advice as soon as possible. Know her options.

I wish her good luck.

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