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Help! Working with really negative man!!

(26 Posts)
Diamondangel8 Fri 17-Jun-16 09:23:52

Help! I am working with this man in my office. Just the two of us. He is extremely negative all the time. He complains and gets upset over everything. He is the most negative person I have ever come across. He sits there all day moaning, complaining etc and trying to wind people up. He is easily upset over anything. I have mentioned this to my manager as a lot of people cannot stand him now and don't want to be near him. I have to sit here all day listening to it. Sometimes I just want to cry and other times I feel absolutely drained. It starts the minute I get in the door. Any advice welcome!

OneTiredMummmyyy Fri 17-Jun-16 10:02:45

Sounds awful - I think I would start ignoring him when he starts whinging. If he asks you if you are listening, tell him you are busy. Refuse to engage him in conversation. Surely that should put a stop to it?

ravenmum Fri 17-Jun-16 10:08:06

Tell him you are fed up with his moaning and don't want to hear all his negative comments any more. With any luck he will either sulk, i.e. stop talking, or want to change offices.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Fri 17-Jun-16 10:20:17

Headphones.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter Fri 17-Jun-16 10:20:58

Ask him what his problem is, I had a similar colleague, he was 'difficult' would do anything to wiggle out of doing work and happy for the rest of us to pick up the slack yes, it'll be a slightly confrontational conversation, keep it professional. Hopefully he'll stfu and just mutter under his breath, if he starts whinging again give him your best bitchy 'really?' hmm look. Good luck.

Hillfarmer Fri 17-Jun-16 10:22:09

Ignore and don't respond to him. What a drain for you. Can you specifically ask to work in a different room. Do you have an HR department?

What did you tell your manager and what did they say?

Will he start on you if you ask him to stop his constant negative comments? If so, restate your complaint to your manager instead. You need to impress on your manager that your colleague's constant negative comments are badly affecting your concentration and affecting you rbeing able to do your job to the best of your ability. S/He should take action.

pallasathena Fri 17-Jun-16 18:28:55

Or just smile sweetly next time he dumps on you and say something like 'Sorry you're having such a hard time. I have an idea, why don't I have a word with the manager about intervention strategies? There might be some company paid therapists or counsellors available who could help. What do you think?"
This could maybe actually help him if he has desperate issues or it could give him a much needed wake-up call. Either way, you mustn't take it too seriously o/p .The world is full of really annoying people. I look on it as good karma getting through a day, a week, a month, a year with them!

FinallyHere Fri 17-Jun-16 18:56:57

^ wot Run Rabbit said , headphones

Gabilan Fri 17-Jun-16 20:04:46

When he starts, have a few trite, happy phrases ready. "Always look on the bright side." "Worse things happen at sea." Shut the conversation down. But, if it's affecting your mood and ability to work, keep telling your manager.

Diamondangel8 Mon 20-Jun-16 10:00:51

It is really affecting my mood. I have complained numerous times to my manager and he said there is nothing he can do because he keeps threatening to sue if he gets sacked. Its really hard for me as I enjoy my job and get on well with others. He keeps making personal comments about me constantly about my weight (I just lost 3 stone this year) and he criticising my personal appearance. Its just horrible. I arranged to see my manager again.

Arfarfanarf Mon 20-Jun-16 10:09:29

What utter rot. They can't do anything because he threatens to sue. ffs.

What they mean is they are cowards who don't want to tackle a difficult situation.

Tell your manager that if they do not do anything to make your working life tolerable, then what makes them think you won't quit and sue them for constructive dismissal?

They have the right to discipline employees who are behaving inappropriately - and making personal comments about a colleagues physical appearance you could point out to them could be interpreted and presented to a court as sexual harassment - another law suit if avoiding law suits is what motivates them.

If he is treated legally and according to company policies then a law suit will get him nowhere and they have nothing to fear.

If they give in for a quiet life and allow him to treat you like shit - there's their lawsuit, right there.

They need to know that.

Whether you would or not, really isn't the point. They need to know that you have no intention of taking it quietly like a good little girl.

Gabilan Mon 20-Jun-16 19:37:18

Ask them for copies of the grievance policy and their bullying and harrassment policy. Then see how quickly they act.

Rebecca2014 Mon 20-Jun-16 19:41:45

Surely this is bullying and so your employers should be getting involved. I would stop mentioning his complaining to the boss but focus on the bullying (personal comments, etc) good luck.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 20-Jun-16 19:44:19

Tell the manager you will sue for harassment and / or constructive dismissal if he doesn't protect you from this harassment.

RiceCrispieTreats Mon 20-Jun-16 19:46:38

"He keeps making personal comments about me constantly about my weight (I just lost 3 stone this year) and he criticising my personal appearance."

That's not moaning, that's bullying. Use that word, in writing, to your managers with a request for them to take action.

As for the moaning, use: "I don't want to hear any moaning."
Try the same thing for the bullying: "I don't want to hear any criticism of my appearance."

At least it's out in the open then and he can't pretend he didn't know it affects you.

uglyswan Mon 20-Jun-16 19:46:40

Completely unacceptable and clearly bullying, as pp have said. Why don't you give ACAS a ring tomorrow morning? Or now, if you're really quick...

Redisthenewblack Mon 20-Jun-16 20:00:51

HE is threatening to sue because he is harassing YOU?

Cunt.

Go above your managers head. Speak to HR. Get him out, or at least moved.

AddToBasket Mon 20-Jun-16 23:11:24

Don't have another chat with your manager - write it down and forward it to your line manager and HR.

Include

- exact examples of behaviour
- time spent dealing with his behaviour
-concrete examples of it's impact on you
- time and dates you have mentioned it to HR/line manage before
- anything else relevant

Obviously, you must not whinge, or you will just be the two office moaners. You will need to demonstrate the problem and the impact. It sounds as though this is a genuine productivity problem and that he is getting in your way of achieving things during the day. In addition, there are mental health and attitude at work issues here and they need to be addressed.

Diamondangel8 Tue 21-Jun-16 09:07:38

He is really bad at his job. All our colleagues have said he is incompetent and they have tried their hardest to get him sacked but because he keeps saying he will sue and in the union they are scared of him. Apparently they are building a case against him. I e-mailed my boss and gave a list of constructive examples and have a meeting later on this week. I got in this morning and hes giving me the silent treatment. Oh well at least there's no insults flying about! His moodswings are appalling. Yesterday he was shouting at the screen and effing and jeffing everytime an email came in. Was criticising my appearance again. I nearly lost it. I don't know if he is trying to provoke me. It's just horrible. He is on antidepressants. I mentioned that to my manager as I think that probably is relevant?

Nivea101 Tue 21-Jun-16 09:45:36

This is appalling. He is not just negative but making personal remarks about you. I would go over your managers head if he doesn't take this seriously.

Yoksha Tue 21-Jun-16 10:17:01

OP, can't they swap you & a male colleague to work with him? I sense the erosion of your wellbeing.

Diamondangel8 Tue 21-Jun-16 10:37:53

I have asked to be moved out of the office but my manager said no as they want me in there as I am office support and they wont ask him to do anything. I am the sort of person that cant stand being in a bad atmosphere. I was just thinking about what I need to do today and he yelled over what you pulling that face for? And did a horrible impression of me. I said I am fine thanks I was just thinking. He has been giving me the silent treatment all morning. I am a bubbly person and I find it hard being in a bad atmosphere. When people come in to speak to me and chat I feel awkward cos he is sitting there bad tempered listening to my conversation not saying a word. I just really hate it. I am looking for another job.

Thingvellir Tue 21-Jun-16 10:45:43

OP you are being bullied and harassed. I'd be engaging HR in your position. Your manager sounds utterly useless, and is failing in their responsibilities towards you, the matter needs to be taken out of your managers hands and dealt with by someone who knows what they are doing and has a backbone

I hope it gets resolved soon flowers

Thingvellir Tue 21-Jun-16 10:47:12

Just to add ask read your most recent post - I suggest you tell HR very clearly that you are looking for another job due to this - they will almost certainly be horrified at that

Thingvellir Tue 21-Jun-16 10:47:29

* as I blush

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