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seedy, creepy soon to be ex and unreliable friend

(13 Posts)
bluelady7 Thu 16-Jun-16 21:08:29

Finally decided earlier this year to leave my husband, after putting up with his porn, masturbating in the front room, having to wash semen stains off the wallpaper in spare room (after I banished him there for not wiping his backside after using the loo and leaving the evidence behind in the pan for all to see, again!), ganging up against me with his 'best friend' (a woman) and lying to me about it whilst still using my money to buy her kids christmas presents. Letting his kids be rude to me without correction and finally 18 months ago trying to cheat on me in our front room with my drunk best friend. She had come to stay so that she and I could catch up and have a natter. We both drunk too much, I went to bed and he moved on her. This was after trying to send my 16 DS to bed and when that didn't work shutting the front room door. My son went to investigate and caught them. He agonized for two days and then told me, knowing how hurt I would be. Both stuck to the story that he tried it on and she didn't respond but here's the thing, he sent her texts after, to check. he said. if she was alright, but he deleted his and she claimed never to have received them. So neither of them can prove to me that these texts were nothing more than that. I forgave her because I know how drunk she was, not him though, he wasn't and his actions prior to trying it on were calculating. Now here's my problem. This marriage is second time around for both of us and we have been together now 8 years. I left a council house to move in with him (his kids are grown up) and when my son was 10, because he wouldn't rent his out and move in with me, 31 miles away, said it was too far. I know I shouldn't have moved in with him then, but I was in love. I have always paid our way, over £60K in the seven years while living here and we have agreed a settlement to me prior to divorce. Not masses, £15K. This is to set up a new house for my son and I and have some savings in the bank for rainy days. My council has accepted me as facing homelessness and put me fourth on the list for my chosen area, back where I came from and close to my friend. (my family live 250 miles away). There are two houses coming up for allocation and I stand a good chance of getting one as I only need 2 of the three above me to reject one, which they well might because the houses aren't in a desirable area. They will be ready mid august, but my ex is not willing for us to stay here till then, he wants me to take the money and go, rent private. But I want to wait, I'm over 50, will never be able to buy and want security for my future. If I rent private, I'll lose all my points. My 'friend' (I'm not so sure of her now, I know she will lie to get herself out of trouble, just never expected her to lie to me.) says I'm being unreasonable to him, by staying here, She says I can move in with her, but I don't want to, why should my son suffer and lose his home comforts? (we would be bunking down in her dining room). After 8 years together and all the improvements I've instigated to his house, money I've spent and grotty behaviour I've put up with, why can't I have 8 weeks to wait for the council houses to be ready? My other problem, is that my ex said tonight, that if I didn't go he would tell me what really happened that night between him and my friend. I said, please do, but he back tracked then. So I certainly don't trust him, and now I'm beginning to doubt her. Another thing, I checked his tablet last week and found some photos of me he had taken of me watching telly in the front room and then put them on his filthy chat site. I didn't confront him that night and watched him carefully the next night to make sure he didn't take anymore but I still didn't catch him taking a further three more photos. I hid his tablet and contacted to my local police to see where I stood re whether he had broken any laws. Before they got back to me, I told my friend what had happened and she said i was wrong and OTT by contacting the police. She said he had a right to his privacy, didn't seem concerned by the photos he had sneakily taken as I was clothed. I was really upset by her attitude. Anyway I confronted him that night and said, either leave or we break the camera on the tablet. He agreed to the latter. When the police contacted me the next day, they didn't think he had broken any laws, but thought he was really weird and offered to speak to him. I said no need as the camera had been destroyed and I could manage with the way things were now. But I am baffled by my friends attitude and she keeps saying I must still have feelings for him if I'm still there. She doesn't seem to understand that I am looking to secure my future by hanging on another two months. What does anyone think?

Guiltypleasures001 Thu 16-Jun-16 21:48:11

She is not your friend, she's more than likely feeding him everything you are telling her, if you stay Batten down the hatches and weather the storm.

Take,back the power ban her fm your life, and move on with your quiet plans to move and be free. They are both a pair of shites, and she's just as creepy as him if she accepts shitty arses etc.


Madlizzy Thu 16-Jun-16 21:55:03

I think you fuck her off. She's no friend to you. Then sit tight.

inlectorecumbit Thu 16-Jun-16 22:03:08

I wouldn't be at all surprised if your "friend" and your ex become an item.
you are well shot of them both.

wotoodoo Thu 16-Jun-16 23:50:12

Wait. You only have 8 weeks. Ditch the friend and that awful toad and freedom, safety, peace awaits you!

Good luck in your new home and trust your instincts.

PovertyPain Thu 16-Jun-16 23:55:13

She wants you out so she can move in. She's a nasty, two faced, fucker.

aladinsane Fri 17-Jun-16 12:27:30

If you move into private rented you will never get back on the list. I rue the day I let my exh persuade me to leave social housing. I'm now stuck with health problems in a job I hate with a mortgage I can't afford.

GloriousGoosebumps Fri 17-Jun-16 12:34:51

She's certainly not your friend but I'm wondering if your soon to be ex is using the sex that night to blackmail her into persuading you to move out of the matrimonial home? Otherwise it's really odd that she's said you can move in with her i.e. being supportive while at the same time sabotaging your attempt to obtain a new home.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Fri 17-Jun-16 12:41:14

Stay where you are. Why should you suffer due to his infidelity?

We've already established that he's a wanker, so no doubt the next 2 months won't be easy, but stick it out, it'll be worth it in the end.

Good luck OP.

AyeAmarok Fri 17-Jun-16 12:46:00

Agree she's not a friend.

And I'd stay in the house until your own place is sorted. Don't let him bully you.

bluelady7 Mon 20-Jun-16 13:01:55

Thanks everyone for your posts. You have given me confidence that I was not being unreasonable to want to wait out the eight weeks, despite what my friend thinks. I don't seriously think they are going to get together, she hasn't given any indication of fancying him, and to be honest she would be desperate to do so, he has gone downhill a lot in the looks department since I met him. I just think she is a bit opinionated, and doesn't realise that I am looking for support when I speak to her, not advice. Also, it dawned on me, that if they are lying to me, then that is their problem, not mine. Time will tell. Thanks again everybody.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Mon 20-Jun-16 20:03:42

Good luck

sykadelic Tue 21-Jun-16 02:31:33

I wouldn't get rid of her until you're out. Just because he may feel he has some control if they ARE sharing information.

I'd back off a bit and not give her any information that could hurt you in any way.

Because I'm mean and I don't trust people...
- If she asks about moving out tell her he agreed to wait until the council had made a decision.
- if she suggests you still have a thing for him assure her no, he tried it on last night/last week "but I'm so not going there"

... Basically, you'll know if they're sharing information based on what happens at home after you've said it.

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