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Disappointed in brother

(4 Posts)
Allegorygirl Thu 16-Jun-16 20:29:35

We live away from where we grew up. To visit it's a weekend and usually involves a day off work when kids are off school (4 DC, so travel costs can add up quickly as we have to fly).
We found out that MIL has terminal cancer about 4 months ago. All are devastated and we have been to visit them together and DH alone 5 times to spend time with her and help FIL who is currently on 24 hour care. We call and FaceTime, send cards and parcels over to cheer her up and try to feel as close as we can. We're dissappointed that we can't be there more for them day to day at this difficult time.
The thing is, my BIL lives 5 minutes away and he is doing nothing to help. In fact he is asking them to babysit, school pickups and dog sit etc. He never a visits, never phones the house. When she was in hospital he fell asleep when visiting and another time just yawned the entire visit.
My FIL has no help, no breaks or company. BIL is married with a child and uses the reasoning that his life is too busy. Even when DH visits he would spend around an hour there over the whole weekend. When we are both there more time as the children enjoy being together.
Our relationship is not brilliant, he certainly lets us know consistently that we are below his radar and not really worth spending time or making an effort with.
Could we ask him to visit/help/do more even though with our distance we can't really help out with the day to day? There are only the two of them in the family.
I'm worried he is in denial and will have serious regrets once she has passed.

Whisky2014 Thu 16-Jun-16 21:35:37

I think you should tell your parents in law to say NO to babysitting and everything else. I don't think you can make him visit them more/appear interested etc so I wouldn't go from it at that angle. Just do all you guys can and tell the parents to not do more than they can handle. X

Allegorygirl Thu 16-Jun-16 23:51:18

Thank you, difficult time and we fefl helpless

HeddaGarbled Fri 17-Jun-16 00:10:06

He sounds like a selfish unfeeling shit and I wouldn't give a toss how he feels after his mother dies.

I would concentrate on your poor MIL & FIL and your poor H and not let this waste of space take up any more of your thoughts.

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