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Is this typical of online dating?

(26 Posts)
Decadeinthesun Wed 15-Jun-16 22:43:36

I met a guy Friday for a quick coffee in his lunch break, 40 minutes max. Very attractive, cool, bit flash for me. He sat next to me and put his arm around me. When he left, he adjusted himself and said he had a semi confused. He whispered he was an amazing lover.

He messaged me all day long, excited and friendly, and asked when we could meet again. I suggested Wednesday. He said he works weekday evenings but could be with me at 10.30pm. He would need a shower at my place and would bring his toiletries and body brush as he likes smooth skin confused. Note: at no stage had I invited him to mine. I thought we could go for a drink and see how we get on and I would get a babysitter for the dc.

The next morning I messaged him to say, thanks anyway but this won't work for me so we'll leave it. He messaged and called all day long. I didn't know as my phone had died until the evening when I charged it and all these messages came through eg I will not let you go that easily baby, I'm a nice guy, we have to make an effort. His last message was, I want sex with you.

The last guy I met was exactly the same. One date, over keen, I called it off and he said, please can I do it to you just once.

I just read the shagged on a first date thread. What happens if you shag a man like this straight away? Surely it's a risk. Do they disappear never to be seen again as they have got what they want or can you never get rid of them? Knowing my luck, they would turn into a stalker and know my address. I'd only met this guy for 40 minutes and he was acting like we had fallen madly in love. I almost feel guilty that I have let him down yet I don't even know him.

Is this typical? Should I be playing it differently? Can you weed these guys out earlier ie before you even meet? It is so off-putting.

LaPharisienne Wed 15-Jun-16 22:45:54

Take it as a (weird) compliment and move on swiftly if he's not your cup of tea?

No idea how to weed them out... My DP still whispers filth in my ear years later. But I did sleep with him on the first date.


Lou2711 Wed 15-Jun-16 22:46:49

Tell him that he either waits for things to get that serious or it ends there. Any decent man will be happy to wait!!

Gwlondon Wed 15-Jun-16 22:47:05

I haven't done any on line dating but I think it depends on the site. Some are more like the way you describe and others are not.

UterusUterusGhali Wed 15-Jun-16 22:58:01


I'd shag on a first date but not a creep like that!

That is not an appropriate way to behave, however you met them!

Summerlovinf Wed 15-Jun-16 23:08:06

Guys like that seem to think OD is a free prostitution service...they must be optimistic to think those chat up lines will work...omfg

Doik Wed 15-Jun-16 23:16:26

You might want to try a different site. There are many out there and they cater for all sorts of things. Some are mainly for people wanting to flirt, others for people after sex, some for dating and relationships and others for people very keen to get married. You could just be unfortunate with the men you've met but you could also be on the wrong site!

Montane50 Wed 15-Jun-16 23:17:16

Treat old as the means to meet a man, how they behave from then onwards shouldn't be any different to a man you meet irl. Personally ive found anyone who brags they're a fantastic lover turn out to be crap

LesisMiserable Wed 15-Jun-16 23:24:37

I would put money on it that the men who do get a shag on the first date are always the ones who have been respectful and never brought it up prior to that. They are either really clever or really shy or just nice but either way they get a result so to speak grin well, my DP did anyway.

Decadeinthesun Wed 15-Jun-16 23:30:40

I was wondering exactly the same les. Higher success rate than for a sleaze.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Wed 15-Jun-16 23:31:59

There are a lot of chancers on OLD. I managed to weed them out, partly luck, and partly with the radar of the cynical old bird that I am. I messaged for a while, and discarded those that showed their hand for only being after the rumpy pumpy. Not that I don't enjoy the rumpy pumpy, just that I want to be treated properly as well grin

53Dragon Wed 15-Jun-16 23:36:08

OMG... vile I was on for 6 months. Men were variable but usually exchanging a few emails before meeting weeded out the creeps. Most were genuine - looking for a long term partner. Met one who freaked me out - nearly getting on top of me in the driver's seat of my car as I tried to close the door while he still protested that I should fancy him and want to shag him ewwwww....
The very last guy I met was different somehow. I didn't fancy him but we talked for hours - the time flew by. We met up a few times and talked about how internet dating wasn't for us - just too false and unnatural. But we kept seeing each other from time to time - a movie here, a beer there. I took him out for a canoe trip on the Thames with some mates of mine and we had a great time.
Suddenly started to realise that I was missing him when he wasn't around... then last summer he cooked me dinner and plucked up the courage to ask whether I'd consider us being 'an item'. 15 months and we'd never even had a snog!!
The rest is history as they say - we've been 'an item' 11 months now. I moved in with him and we can't believe how lucky we are.
I don't know what's 'typical' for online dating, but despite the fact that I met up with 20+ blokes I didn't want to be with, I eventually met one who was right for me. That's what it's all about - the more you meet the more likely you'll find 'the one'. Good luck op smile

TheNaze73 Wed 15-Jun-16 23:44:37

These chat up lines most work with some unfortunates, as they'd change tactics otherwise!

FlameGrilled Thu 16-Jun-16 00:32:17

You said you feel guilty - that's exactly what he wanted you to feel so you would sleep with him out of pity! Yes there are some guys that would sink to that level to get laid.

I did OLD for a few months and met a wide variety of guys ranging from normal but not my type to full on weirdos. IME, any guy that starts to talk about sex too early on is probably just after one thing. It worked for me though as I'm now very happy with amazing BF whom I met on POF almost two years ago. What set him apart right from the get go was that he was eager but not overly so and didn't ever play games. I have never questioned where I stood with him which was refreshing after all the games and unspoken rules in dating! Another tip I would give is to meet up with guys you don't think would be your type. At the very least you might meet someone interesting and you never know. I nearly didn't respond to BF because I judged him due to a sport he's involved in but told myself to stop being judgemental and give him a chance. He's nothing like the 'typical' type who is involved in this sport. Also, post on the dating threads on this board.

LellyMcKelly Thu 16-Jun-16 00:54:02

I met mine on Match, but he was just a lovely normal guy. Remember, you'll come across as many creeps on a night out. You just haven't exchanged phone numbers with them. The guy you met is a creep. Just ditch him. He probably trying it on with loads of other women anyway.

EverFallenInLoveWithSomeone Thu 16-Jun-16 06:31:13

Tbh, I wouldn't have replied to any of his further messages after that!

There is no way I'd be considering a second date with someone who couldn't show a little respect after 40 minutes.

I blocked many after the first date for far less than that. This isn't a man who is looking for a relationship, this is a man who is collecting shags.

Evergreen17 Thu 16-Jun-16 07:14:19

Walk away
He has a semi for chatting to you over coffee and he touches you and tells you?
I would be in Mars right now

StartledByHisFurryShorts Thu 16-Jun-16 07:23:05

It doesn't sound like you fancy him. I would just let him know you're not interested in taking things further, block and move on.

The calling and messaging would have put me right off. Not everyone on OLD is a sleazy chancer.

concertplayer Thu 16-Jun-16 08:50:59

OLD will never be the same as RLD Why? because you do not see/meet the person before the first "date" Even worse even with photos/video they could be telling you a complete pack of lies.
Needing to go in wondering if you are going to be lied to is hardly romantic!
OLD is essentially advertising that we are available and some men read
available for sex into this. When you meet in a pub etc they do not know whether you are available or not. I have a married female friend who always gets chatted up in pubs etc and never once has she been frogmarched into a one night stand

53Dragon Thu 16-Jun-16 11:08:56

Yes you only need to meet one person who's right for you, but there'll be another 20 who aren't.
My dp had only split from his partner of 24 years about 8 months before he started OLD. His profile said 'Lost soul searching for a soulmate'. It sounded a bit needy and nearly put me off meeting him. But the minute we met we were chatting like old friends.

Kenduskeag Thu 16-Jun-16 11:31:29

Those kinds of guys are just using the dating sites for anonymous, random shags. Don't allow yourself to be browbeaten by them and don't continue to be pleasant while they're scratching their semis in front of you.

Decadeinthesun Thu 16-Jun-16 11:47:17

Yes I agree I carried on being polite when the alarm bells were going off. He just bombarded me from the Thursday night when I signed up on the website, met on the Friday and then it was so full-on with messages day and night. What a complete waste of time.

Summerlovinf Thu 16-Jun-16 11:50:21

yes. Try not to let these guys set the pace. You don't have to reply to every text...and especially not straight away. If it's going too fast it's probably going to end up being a waste of time. You're better off with an adult who is keen to meet but has other things to do besides text you night and day.

HotNatured Thu 16-Jun-16 13:43:11

Eugh. He sounds vile, zero respect. I would run a mile.

Claraoswald36 Thu 16-Jun-16 19:56:58

It's not typical - I've never experienced this but I would run for the hills and you were spot on telling him to do one.
I live happily With a gorgeous man I met on tinder. I had a lovely time dating men from match prior to that. I've had inappropriate messages site but not met up with anyone weird op I think you were just unlucky!

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