Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How do I tell a 3yr old we are not going home to daddy? Please help!

(8 Posts)
Glutenforpunishmentnomore Wed 15-Jun-16 13:03:24

Hi I have recently left my dh and taken my 4 children to live with my parents until we can find a new home. My dh has been emotionally and financially abusive towards me and I suppose emotionally abusive to the kids through them witnessing him shouting and swearing at me. He refused to leave our privately rented home and I couldn't take anymore so I left at the weekend.
My elder 2 children know the reasons we are staying with nana and grandad, my youngest is too young to understand what's going on but I just don't know how to tell my 3yr old ds. He keeps asking to go home home and I have made up some quick on the spot story about the water being broken at our house blush.
Please help me to help him.

MeMySonAndl Wed 15-Jun-16 13:10:23

DS was that age when we split, I good advice from a very good book for separated parents and did not make an occasion of it. Just made sure that it wasn't a too frontal conversation:

He was playing with a boat in the bath and I said, you know that dad and I are not getting along very well lately so we have decided that daddy will move to a new house. He dropped the boat and started asking questions. Once he knew what was going to happen, when and where, he was absolutely ok.

It is the uncertainity that causes stress, at that age they don't equate separation with the end of life as you know it. As long as he knows what is happening (you will be living with GP until you find a house and dad will see him on x or y days) he will be fine.

MeMySonAndl Wed 15-Jun-16 13:11:13

Best of luck.

UpDownUpDownandaweebitannoying Wed 15-Jun-16 13:13:12

I think I'd be honest but keep it really simple. Can he still speak to his Dad or see him?

We made the mistake of thinking DS was unaware of pregnancy/miscarriages when he was 3 when a really simple explanation would have been better.

CremeBrulee Wed 15-Jun-16 13:15:53

Honesty is the best policy but keep it very simple and factual. Not knowing but sensing things are changing will be much worse for him. flowers

cestlavielife Wed 15-Jun-16 13:38:08

Will dc be seeing dad ? Tell ds you moving house and daddy will be staying but ds will see him soon; then distract.
Be truthful but only to level he needs to know.
If he is nearer 4 you can say there was too much shouting between adults but dad loves ds and will see him soon

Glutenforpunishmentnomore Wed 15-Jun-16 22:13:02

Thanks for all of your advice, it's so hard as every step seems to make it that bit more real sad

HormonalHeap Wed 15-Jun-16 22:16:53

My ds was also 3. I just told him daddy was staying with grandma. He looked at me confused and said "but are you babysitting?"grin and that was it. I wish it was still that simple now he's 16...

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now