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Feeling unloved by partner....

(9 Posts)
Pinklemonade16 Tue 14-Jun-16 23:14:31

Ok I might be here a while so please bare with me.
Me and OH have been together for just over 3 years now and have a lovely 3 month old dd together. I also have ds from previous who is 7. Anyway whilst I was pregnant I discovered while quickly using his phone to search for something discovered he had visited a few porn sites in his history. It made me feel sick and really shit about myself, especially being pregnant. I never even had a clue he was into this stuff. Anyway we discussed and he said it was a one off hmm ok whatever. So since then I've been slightly crazy in checking his phone and 10 days after having our dd discovered he had been on a website for no strings sex where you put your number in and see who's in your area and is up for it. There was also a text saying candy is 3 miles away from you etc(from the website) so he definitely put in his number. I was devastated and when I confronted him he said he was drunk and it just popped up and he was curious. I know he didn't meet anyone that night because I was next door but the fact he was even curious killed me inside. So anyway, 3 months on and although we talked and I forgive him, well that's just it I feel like I can't forgive him. Every time we argue I wanna bring it up, every time a pair of tits pop up on my tv I wanna cry because I know he's looking at them and after two kids mine do not look like that anymore. I know it sounds crazy but him watching all that porn has really affected my self confidence and I feel like a crazy women. Little things like I'll sit there complaining I'm to fat and he won't say nothing like oh don't be silly your fine just nothing. Just feeling really shit anyone else ?sad

Pinklemonade16 Wed 15-Jun-16 09:17:19


TheNaze73 Wed 15-Jun-16 09:22:13

There's a similar type of thread about porn usage on another thread at the moment.

I think you need to have a warts and all conversation about it. You need to let him explain why he uses it? Is it something fun you can work through together?

Pinklemonade16 Wed 15-Jun-16 12:25:28

I know I need to have that conversation it's just I know it will end in an argument or I'll be the bad one for bringing it up again.

HouseworkIsASin10 Wed 15-Jun-16 12:28:46

Looking for no strings sex? I wouldn't be able to trust him ever again, sorry but I couldn't stay with somebody like that.

Slowdecrease Wed 15-Jun-16 14:26:57

Two separate things going on here. First, your own body image and self-esteem. You and only you are responsible and in charge of that. Only you have the power to improve your body (if you so wish to) and you certainly have the power within you to feel confident about your body - body image should never ever dictated by what everybody else's body looks like, that will always always be a losing game, even if you are the most beautiful woman in the world to one man, to another you just won't do it for them. So that needs sorting. You cannot live your life being upset that your other half may lay eyes on another body. Use are making the comparison between yourself and other women, not him. And complaining you're too fat (massive turn off btw in order to prompt him to reassure you otherwise, well, if you know you're overweight, deal with it, for your own self-esteem.

The porn wouldn't be an issue to me, but of course the popping up of numbers and people in the area is not good but maybe he was indeed just drunk and curious (being curious about things is quite human) I'm not defending him I"m saying that you are obviously are in a bad place confidence wise at present but when you accept that its all on you to change this, you can take action.

Do you want him to be attracted to you? Then take steps to feel attractive in your own skin, regardless of him and the rest will follow. Is he's going to cheat he's going to cheat, same for every single one of us. Stop worrying about that and focus your energies on yourself and what attracted him to you in the first place and find that girl again. who knows, when you're feeling in a better place you might decide you don't need his porn viewing arse in your life and upgrade!

SandyY2K Wed 15-Jun-16 16:36:51

Those pop ups can use your GPS location. You don't have to put your number in.

Some men look at porn and it doesn't mean anything to them.

adora1 Wed 15-Jun-16 17:05:02

Please do not take the blame for what is shitty behaviour from your OH, and whilst pregnant, just horrible.

It didn't just `pop up`, he actively sought it and went as far as putting in his bloody mobile no - no wonder you can't get past it, I am sorry OP, but he's as trustworthy as the weather.

HappyJanuary Wed 15-Jun-16 18:20:37

I was on a fairly innocent site recently and got a pop up saying 'crystal' was two miles away and available for no-strings sex.

Either it uses location services, or the 'two miles' thing is a standard line.

So, whilst he obviously does enjoy porn, the other stuff could well be innocent.

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