Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

The Aftermath: Tell me how it panned out?

(11 Posts)
IronNeonClasp Tue 14-Jun-16 17:19:53

I know what I want to do - but I am feeling too guilty to break everything up. DH is not abusive but there is no intimacy anymore amongst other stuff.

So - do you have kids under 10 and have split up recently from their Dad?

Can you tell me what it's like now you are on the other side? And how the kids are?

something2say Tue 14-Jun-16 17:40:54

I don't have any of these things but I work with women fleeing DV and have seen loads of women leave with kids. In honesty I think they do better on the whole. The women come alive somehow, everything is new. They also manage money well and their homes are nice. All of the strife and worry is gone. Things settle down into a routine, they parent well and the kids seem happy. For the women themselves tho, they take off in life I suppose. They have to, so they do and they seem to enjoy it. I've seen so many women working out their plans. No matter how little money they have too, they always seem to make it xxx good luck xxxx you'll be brilliant xxx and who knows what's around the corner!

mangosandlime Tue 14-Jun-16 18:40:33

I don't have kids but left abusive ex last summer.

I had no job and no money.

I moved in with my parents and had a very unhappy few months wallowing.

Then I went out and got myself the most amazing job and moved away and now I'm earning more than I ever have, going places I never had, eating things I never have, seeing more of the people who matter to me.
I also feel free better off financially despite my ex earning nearly £100k a year.

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs Tue 14-Jun-16 18:44:55

Split up.when kid were 5.
He wasn't very hands on so they rarely miss him.
He still isn't v hands on so no overnights so can be a bit restrictive.

Mostly they are and I am happy but sometimes they complain about being in a spf because my work means they have to go to wrap around. Pretty sure if they we hadn't split they'd feel hard done to about something elsegrin grass is always greener.

They have generally taken it in their stride.

I have non cohabiting new dp.

futureolympianinmyhouse Tue 14-Jun-16 19:09:01

I asked my xh to move out, I had a 5 year old DS, yes things where difficult with him for about 6 months, but he is so much happier now.
I made a 5 year plan..get a new job in 6 months, get a new car in 12 months, get my own house in 2 years....this made me stay strong and do things for me and my kids.
How I felt each time I achieved these goals, kept me on knowing I was better on my own.

IronNeonClasp Tue 14-Jun-16 20:08:36

Thank you for the replies. Although I am not in an abusive relationship. Really keen to hear from people who have successfully ended it.

elliepac Wed 15-Jun-16 07:03:21

I split for the same reasons as you. Ds was 10 and dd 6. Initially i moved out and back to my mum's. It took a period of adjustment for dc's but 2 years on we have our own place (rented) and a job i love (always had that). We are a great little family unit and happier in this situation I think. Dc's see a lot of their dad and are happy with arrangements and still see his family a lot as well. Both ex h and I are in new relationships and my now dp is the best thing that ever happened to me. I am happier than i have ever been and whilst i don't regret the marriage i do regret not leaving sooner.

IronNeonClasp Wed 15-Jun-16 17:27:52

Thank you ellie flowers

Anyone else?

tinybitmad Sun 19-Jun-16 21:19:27

Hi. This sounds like me.. Married 10 years, two kids, 8 and 3.. I knew things weren't right for a long while but in January this year told him i couldn't carry on like this. We hadn't slept together since my youngest was born - and before the it was just means to an end with no intimacy - i didn't fancy him, and was either drunk or stoned before the kids days. I probably made a mistake marrying him, but i was not in a good place and what happened happened. He moved out the beginning of May - the children live with us each half the time and we still do special occasions, like birthdays together. The children seem ok, a bit of resentment from my oldest, but overall they seem to be adapting. We're both there for them - just not together.

It's hard. Some days i feel ok, some days a bit lonely, and some days just so guilty for messing up the kids' lives.. but at the end of the day i needed to do it. Sometimes i think what it'd be like if we lived together agin - and i straight away think of how i'd be so miserable and annoyed i would be. I do want to find a new relationship where i want the other person and they want - but who knows when i'll be ready for that, or even if it's possible.

IronNeonClasp Sun 19-Jun-16 21:47:33

Thank you SO much for your reply. Unfortunately things are no better. If not steadily declining and almost rapidly.
Flowers for you flowersflowersflowers

tinybitmad Sun 19-Jun-16 21:55:07

Thanks, i like flowers! hope you manage to figure out what you need to do soon x

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now