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NC ex just contacted me - what to do.

(38 Posts)
holdontoyourbutts Tue 14-Jun-16 13:18:41

Broke up with ex just after xmas, went NC around 6 weeks ago (no kids, not married no assets together) went NC as he was manipulative and emotionally abusive.

Told him when I went no contact (over email) that he is not to contact me directly. I also blocked his number/social media/email - everything. We have mutual friends so if he needed to get in contact with me if there was an emergency he could via them.

Today I received an email from him, subject was 'my name?' and the message was blank.

I checked my email settings and his email address comes under blocked senders so no idea why it landed in my inbox. This is the first time he has contacted me since I went NC.

So what do I do? I have deleted the email so it isn't staring at me in my inbox, I don't want to speak to him, in fact just today was thinking how happy I am without him in my life! I feel totally overwhelmed by this which I know sounds ridiculous as it's just an email but it's setting off a bunch of feelings right now!

Do I ask mutual friends if he has any reason to contact me, or just ignore and try and forget about it?

Chasingsquirrels Tue 14-Jun-16 13:20:16

Ignore and forget.

PNGirl Tue 14-Jun-16 13:22:23

Ignore it. You have no kids and assets - there is no longer any emergency he can have which you need to be involved in.

InsufficientlyCaffeinated Tue 14-Jun-16 13:24:55

It might actually be spam. I get email sometimes which is similar pretending to come from a contact and has a similar subject. Usually has just a link in the body though.
Either way, ignore it. If it's come from a new email address relating to him, block that one too.

holdontoyourbutts Tue 14-Jun-16 13:36:00

Definitely his email address, and I checked and it was the same one that's blocked! If I get anything else form him I'll create a new email, which I really don't want to do, but at the same time I can't have him contacting me.

I'll ignore and forget. Can't believe how this has affected me!

TheNaze73 Tue 14-Jun-16 13:36:57

I suspect it's spam

SandyY2K Tue 14-Jun-16 14:44:45

Ignore it.

ElspethFlashman Tue 14-Jun-16 15:02:41

You can contact customer services of your mail provider (should be a link somewhere in your mailbox) and ask them to explain how a blocked email address got through and how they intend to fix it so it never happens again. They are all meant to answer queries within 24 hours.

adora1 Tue 14-Jun-16 15:40:08

he was manipulative and emotionally abusive

Keep reading this OP and never forget.

sonjadog Tue 14-Jun-16 15:44:27

Sounds like spam to me. I have got mail from blocked addresses before in the same way. I think it gets through because it isn´t really from that person, if you see what I mean. Delete and ignore.

JennyOnAPlate Tue 14-Jun-16 15:53:34

What emergency could he ever possibly have that would need to involve you? You have no children or other ties to each other, therefore he has no reason whatsoever to contact you again. Ignore it.

RiceCrispieTreats Tue 14-Jun-16 16:06:56

How unsettling.

Good that you deleted it from your inbox. Delete it from your mind now, too. Manipulative exes like to yank our chains from time to time. Best not to let it affect you.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret Tue 14-Jun-16 16:19:19

Ignore it. I went NC with XH a number of years ago. No DC luckily. I would get a phone call or text every so often- sometimes years apart - I didn't ever respond. He is now blocked on all devices so I have been free from his attentions for a couple of years now.

FlyingElbows Tue 14-Jun-16 16:47:40

No contact means just that. You shut the door when you made that choice, you have to leave it shut. Ignore and keep moving forward smile

FreeFromHarm Tue 14-Jun-16 17:01:22

ignore x

holdontoyourbutts Tue 14-Jun-16 19:23:57

Turns out it was him. He just turned up outside my front door - I didn't answer, my housemate eventually did as he wasn't going away.

He dropped off a bag with a load of stuff in and a handwritten letter to me explaining how the different items symbolised happy times in our relationship.

I didn't read the letter, housemate did.

I have put the bag, and letter, in the attic.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 14-Jun-16 19:27:22

Bin them both. The attic isn't good enough.

Even better, ask the housemate to bin them.

Gide Tue 14-Jun-16 19:29:49

Master manipulator, or trying to be.

Flisspaps Tue 14-Jun-16 19:35:09

What a cunt. Get the bag down and put the lot in the bin.

SaintEyning Tue 14-Jun-16 19:38:48

My ex did the same the other day - I am desperate to be NC but we have a mutual debt to clear which he insists on paying in instalments for the next 6 months. I had emailed to advise of the date of the direct debit from our joint account, he replied with a nostalgic photo of a cafe in Bath that we once went to on one of his freebie work trips. He thought it would make me laugh, apparently. Ignore him and bin the letter and bag - if he tries to contact you again, there is lots of info on the CAB website about how to deal with unwanted contact aka harassment. Good luck and stay strong.

holdontoyourbutts Tue 14-Jun-16 19:50:01

Thank you all. My housemate is utterly amazing and is making me dinner and we're having a glass of wine.

I will throw the stuff away, the only thing I'm not sure about is the engagement ring which he put in there, I mean I don't want it and it isn't worth anything - was second hand and under £200 when we brought it - I feel like throwing it away would be mean, but at the same time it would also be shitty giving it back to him.

I'm hoping he doesn't turn up again - I would be shocked if he did - but can't deny this has upset me.

LadyStarkOfWinterfell Tue 14-Jun-16 19:52:20

If I were you I would leave the bag of stuff exactly where you found it

SaintEyning Tue 14-Jun-16 19:56:16

Give it to a charity shop. Someone else might like it.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 14-Jun-16 19:57:04

He knows you well doesn't he? He pitched that just right to make you keep a piece of him in your house. He's got you spending your time thinking about him again. Clever boy.

Give the bag to your favourite charity shop then. They'll be very glad of the ring.

holdontoyourbutts Tue 14-Jun-16 20:03:04

run he does. As I say he's extremely manipulative, I've been really happy with going no contact with him and proud of myself and now I feel horrible. I actually don't want to leave the house and just went round to check everything is locked.

From what my housemate said the letter was also manipulative, all about how he was sorry for the way he treated me, but that it was only in moments of lapse kinda thing, and that he still loves me etc.

Anyway. I can't think about it. Charity shop is a brilliant idea.

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