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Talk me out of being attracted to DH's boss

(19 Posts)
Alpecker Mon 13-Jun-16 18:50:34

Obviously name changed as DH knows my MN nickname.

I see him every week for the same activity. Sometimes his DW is there my DH is always working. The kids are there doing the activity so we chat for up to half an hour each time.

He is without a doubt totally my type. He is so unbelievably attractive I have to consciously not make it obvious to him and his wife. He's also my DH's boss so he knows him. Clearly we don't talk about how attractive he is.

I would never ever cheat on DH even if his boss was interested. I have really reconnected sexually with DH since our second child was born so there's no problems there. I genuinely want to stop being attracted to him. But how? My DC loves the activity so I wouldn't stop her doing it for the sake of this stupid crush. I'm in my 30s married 5+ years FFS! Please talk me out of this.

ClopySow Mon 13-Jun-16 19:12:26


QuiteLikely5 Mon 13-Jun-16 19:15:29

There's nothing wrong with having a crush or admiring from afar, if it's starting to affect your life or marriage negatively then think about changing your daughters activity before you make a fool of yourself smile

Thefitfatty Mon 13-Jun-16 19:16:15

Can't you just enjoy the "eye candy" for what it is? I've got a friends wife that I think is drop dead gorgeous. Totally attracted to and get a little giddy when she talks to me. But she isn't DH for many reasons and I have no desire to make a move.

You are allowed to find other people attractive

Lilacpink40 Mon 13-Jun-16 19:17:02

Imagine how much he loves his DW and DCs. Focus on that fact and the fact he doesn't love you.

This is just a crush and you can't go anywhere with it so need to mentally work out what would turn you off him!

DraenorQueen Mon 13-Jun-16 19:19:57

I genuinely don't get posts like this. You're an adult - aren't you in control of your emotions? confused It's ok to find someone massively attractive but don't you just...act normally because there's literally no good outcome from doing otherwise?

Alpecker Mon 13-Jun-16 19:23:38

That's a good point. It isn't affecting my life or my marriage I just feel terribly guilty because his wife is lovely and so is my DH. It's reassuring to hear it's OK to fancy other people as long as I have absolutely no intention of doing anything about it. Which I don't.

Alpecker Mon 13-Jun-16 19:25:01

There is literally no good outcome you're right. But we've been doing this activity for a couple of months and if I was in control of my emotions I wouldn't have posted on MN blush

TheNaze73 Mon 13-Jun-16 20:19:02

Nothing wrong with somebody being easy on the eye, just don't cross the line

Alpecker Mon 13-Jun-16 21:41:54

OK. Understood. I'm allowed to look but not touch (so to speak). Will try and carry on a bit less guiltily but with an eye on the line. Thanks for the perspective flowers

tabpepsi Mon 13-Jun-16 21:55:25

well, yes the only realistic thing to do here is to just enjoy the idle chit chat with him and beat any physical away any time it pops up. you're not going to do anything about it so dont get yourself in an embarrassing situation where you're caught saying something stupid or its noticed you are fawning over him.

making a massive leap, there was a thread a few weeks ago about a dh who had an affair with a mum from the same school as the dc. it was painful reading the fall out from that affair and the shit it seemed to cause practically because of the dcs being at same school and school related events. i'm guessing your dcs arent at same school ...

Alpecker Tue 14-Jun-16 12:41:02

No they're not but DH works for his company so that's fall out I'd never ever want to cause for DH. It's weird because I cannot imagine a situation where I would ever do anything about it but it doesn't stop me from being attracted to him. It will stop me acting on it though

Dontyouopenthattrapdoor Tue 14-Jun-16 12:49:46

Be friends with the wife. Make him "Sandra's husband" rather than "Hot Mark" if you know what I mean.
Don't arrive early, don't hang about at the end.
Do you have to stay in the room? If not catch up on work in the foyer instead.
It will pass, eventually.

Alpecker Tue 14-Jun-16 12:58:07

Yes his wife is lovely so it's easy to talk to her. I deliberately spoke to other parents who were there this week and he was on his own as his wife wasn't there. He said bye at the end but spoke to no one else. I guess it started with me chatting to him to be polite because he's DH's boss but then I started talking to him because he's a really nice guy to talk to and he is really really attractive blush

SandyY2K Tue 14-Jun-16 13:05:26

Look but don't touch. That would be one helluva mess.

On a side note ...... why do posters have to say they've changed their name for posts like this? Nobody would know - just post and get the responses.

You can actually be anonymous without saying you're in disguise.

xandra588 Tue 14-Jun-16 13:10:24

Okay, baddest bitch in UK talking. Girl, it's okay to be physically attracted to someone else. I mean, we're humans, we're animals and it's okay. But it's not okay to lose control. You have a family and so does he probably. Think about your family when he's around, about your husband and kids, about how much they love you, and about how much you love them. If it's not working and you're still trying to pave the way into his pants, just think he has a little pipi. Always works for me.
PS: The word pipi is supermegaulta filthy though

Alpecker Tue 14-Jun-16 13:14:44

Sandy there have been far too many trolls on here recently so felt obliged to point out I'm not one of them if someone MN police wanted to check my posting history.

xandra that's a good point. Just keep thinking about the kids.

HazelBite Tue 14-Jun-16 13:15:50

Yeh its okay to find someone massively attractive, and nice with it but know that there is no possibility of anything happening, I think many of us have in reality "been there" and perhaps have had little fantasies blush but do anything about it no, tell myself that I'm a bit of a deluded saddo yes grin

trappedinsuburbia Tue 14-Jun-16 13:18:22

Nothing wrong with a little friendly flirt as long as your not going to actually do anything.
Look at it as way to make going to this activity a tad more enjoyable.

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