I have had a fairly OK relationship with my SIL until recently. We don't have much in common and live a long way away from each other and so see her very rarely. However, I like her and have had few problems until recently.
My mother passed away earlier this year and at the funeral, in front of my SIL's sister, who had come both to support her sister and because she knew my mum, I asked her if she had brought a hat (as this is the tradition in our religion). It was only after it came out of my mouth that I realised that I had embarrassed her in front of her sister and probably had made her feel uncomfortable. In my defence, I was obviously very upset but it probably looked as though I was more concerned about the trappings and traditions than her feelings (as I am sure that she was also very upset). After the service, I did apologise to her and say that I had been insensitive and was really sorry. I know that she was feeling insecure because she did not know our traditions and was feeling very out of place, and , in retrospect, I know that I shouldn't have said anything. (My brother could also have given her some guidance but he didn't so we have to live with that).
Roll on a couple of months and we are sorting now out my mother's house. Although I have been speaking often with my brother, I hadn't spoken to my SIL since the funeral. To add to the mix is the fact that I didn't send them a card for their 25th wedding anniversary which was a month after the funeral. I did try to phone to speak to my SIL in person but either I kept missing her or she just wasn't taking calls from me. I know I should have tried harder but, thb, I was in a very dark place from which I am slowly recovering.
However, my brother has now told me that his wife wants nothing more to do with the family and doesn't want to help him with anything to do with sorting out my mother's house. What goes on between him and his wife is for him to address but I hate to think that I have burnt all my bridges with his wife. I have apologised to her but I don't believe that she really accepted it and hearing that she doesn't want anything to do with us just confirms it in my mind. I know that we are unlikely to see them again very often (only weddings and funerals probably) but I don't like leaving it like this.
Any suggestions from anyone?
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Relationships
How do I mend my relationship with my SIL?
debsam · 13/06/2016 18:01
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