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I just can't get it together to leave.

(8 Posts)
CitaloPam Mon 13-Jun-16 16:35:54

I've posted before and the general consensus is that DH is abusive and I should leave. Somehow I just can't manage it but now it's getting to the point of no return.

He belittles me, dismisses me and tells me I'm a bad mother. Won't look after DD. Financially controlling.

This week we're visiting my parents down south. It's been three days and he's openly abusive towards me in front of them. They won't intervene but that's a different story (and probably the reason I ended up with him). Today I stood up to him in a local town so he punished me by storming off and taking the car. Two hours later he turned his phone on and came back, told me if I ever speak to him in that way again... the usual.

I want to leave. DM says I should just put up with it and I'm probably exaggerating. I know I'll be entitled to a share of the property in the long term but in the short term I have no money. None. So I can't get out until I have enough to rent somewhere.

Is there any way back from this? How do I make myself leave? How do I get out asap? I'm so fucking unhappy.

SandyY2K Mon 13-Jun-16 16:59:45

You contact women's aid and formulate a plan to leave. Telephone 0808 2000 247.

He obviously has no respect for your parents either by doing that.

The belittling and control will only get worse. Abuse never gets better.

RandomMess Mon 13-Jun-16 17:04:07

Yep you leave via Women's Aid.

Resilience16 Mon 13-Jun-16 23:04:08

I am sorry you are in this shit situation. Do contact Women's aid and also your local CAB for practical advice on how to leave.
Your partner is abusive.You have recognised this and now you need to get your courage together to leave.
The alternative to stay, but I can virtually guarantee the abuse will get worse, your self esteem will get more and more corroded and it will be harder and harder to leave.
You deserve better so please be brave and contact Women's Aid, or Refuge, and start the ball rolling.

goddessofsmallthings Mon 13-Jun-16 23:13:28

To the extent that your controlling and abusive h will not change there's no way "back from this", but there is a way forward which does not depend on how much or how little money you have at the present time.

Find your nearest Women's Aid service here and make contact tomorrow with a view to asking for advice, support to leave safely, and a refuge placement

pallasathena Tue 14-Jun-16 10:31:11

Ask your parents to help out with a small loan or just a room in their place while you sort yourself out. Finding work down south should be fairly easy then you're in a position to stand on your own two feet.
If you carry on like this you'll become seriously unwell. Stress, unhappiness, anxiety, loss of confidence take their toll both physically and mentally. If parents can't or won't help then women's aid, a good solicitor and sheer determination on your part should make a positive start. Whatever you decide, you need to get away from him. Permanently.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 14-Jun-16 12:00:21

There are ways to leave even with no immediate money. Women's Aid can help you make a plan.

I can't get out until I have enough to rent somewhere Have you got a savings plan in place? Do you work? Do you have a good credit rating?

hellsbellsmelons Tue 14-Jun-16 13:02:15

I agree - Womens Aid can help.
Do you have DC together?
Do you work?
Have a joint account?
Have your own account?

Maybe doing small things to start with will help.

Also contact CAB and find out what you would be entitled to with regards to benefits, tax credits, housing benefits.
Shelter might also be able to help you.

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