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Was I unreasonable for telling DP that I didn't want another child by him?

(38 Posts)
Arielthemermaid285 Mon 13-Jun-16 12:11:52

Hey all;

So DP and I had a bit of an argument this morning; he said he was thinking about is having another child; that his getting old and all his friends are now having babies. I immediately got angry and said all sorts to him. But first let me give you a back story.

So DP and I had our first DS really young; I was 16 and he was 17. DS is now 6. I lived with DP since DS was 2; but because he was so unreasonable to live with and there was so many arguments; I left when DS was 4; now live with family and would not consider living with DP again until I see he has changed.

I had another unplanned pregnancy a few months ago and sadly decided to terminate: which I'm slowly coming to terms with; I remember when DP was with me in the clinic and said out loudly "you better get rid of it!"; "you better".

So this morning; DP was saying that he was getting broody and wanted another child yadayada, like I said above. I immediately got angry and said "well you had another one, but you didn't want it!"; and he was like yeah but that was a couple of months ago; I've changed my mind from then; I then proceeded to tell him that " I won't even consider having another child with him till he properly looks after the child he already has!". That " I buy DS clothes; his shoes; his therapy fees; I take him to school and back; I buy his food; you don't even do that; so why the hell would I consider having another child by you".

To be fair; DP has no job; well he has a weekend job but he doesn't get very much at all.

DP then replied that once he gets back on his feet; he currently has issues with housing; then he'll look after DS properly. I replied "No; it doesn't work like that; I had DS at 16 and my life wasn't really sorted out at all and it was a struggle; but I still juggled to do my GCSE's, A levels and degree while looking after DS and providing for him". I then continued that " loads of parents go through struggles but they still have to be responsible for their kids".

DP then proceeded to get angry and said " you don't want another child by me; I tried to be nice to you; I'm going to keep my options open and have a baby with someone else ".

So I now I feel really guilty; was AIBU?

ApocalypseSlough Mon 13-Jun-16 12:15:03

No, not at all.
Do you even want to be in a relationship with him?!

penisbeakerlaminateflooringetc Mon 13-Jun-16 12:15:03

Don't feel guilty, you were definitely NBU, quite the contrary.

You sound like you e got your head switched on by sticking to your guns.

I can't help by wondering why you're still with him though?

notapizzaeater Mon 13-Jun-16 12:15:09

I can't see wh at you actually get out if this relationship ? No you're not BU

ivykaty44 Mon 13-Jun-16 12:16:32

Sounds like a right catch...not

juneau Mon 13-Jun-16 12:18:20

He sounds like an utter twat, tbh. I wouldn't consider having another DC by him either - not now or in the future.

ElspethFlashman Mon 13-Jun-16 12:19:24

You feel guilty? ?? Why??! Every word you said was plain fact!

And we'll done by the way. The utter cheek of him.

He's no prize. He's a gobshite.

AliceInUnderpants Mon 13-Jun-16 12:21:32

I'm going to keep my options open and have a baby with someone else

Let him. Why are you even with this waste of oxygen?

SandyY2K Mon 13-Jun-16 12:22:05

I think you are right not to have another child with him, but perhaps the way you said it could have been more diplomatic.

Then you probably made him feel like crap saying you'd have a child with someone else.

Now don't get me wrong. is not a stand up father and his reaction when he wanted rid of the last pregnancy was horrible.

In truth I don't think you should be in a relationship with him as he's not a man who can support his children financially. He wants another child for you to cope with everyday and have the financial hit, yet he is not there to deal with the sleepless nights and do what other responsible fathers do.

He wants a child like it's a fashion accessory.

If my addition is correct he's just 23 or maybe 24. He's not too old at all. He's too young if anything and perhaps that was the problem to begin with. You're both very young, but you sound more mature.

Most men take a while to grow up unlike women though.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu Mon 13-Jun-16 12:22:21

that was a couple of months ago; I've changed my mind from then;

And what if he changes his mind again after you or someone else gets pregnant?

I am shocked that men this stupid and selfish exist.

Are you in a relationship with him? What do you get out of that?

00100001 Mon 13-Jun-16 12:22:33

Why do you call him your DP when you don't live with him?

Surely he's just the father of your child? confused

ScrambledSmegs Mon 13-Jun-16 12:23:52

I'm going to keep my options open and have a baby with someone else

Well, isn't he a peach? Don't feel guilty, he's not much of a father or a partner, having another child with him is unlikely to change that.

pinkyredrose Mon 13-Jun-16 12:28:16

Why are you even with him?

VoldysGoneMouldy Mon 13-Jun-16 12:32:52

Why are you with him? Nothing about this sounds like a relationship.

Figgygal Mon 13-Jun-16 12:38:33

My lord from this (which is only a snapshot of your relationship I understand) I would be telling you to not only not have another child with him but to cut him loose altogether. He doesn't sound like he has much prospects or love for you or your child......good men are capable of living with their partners....good men are capable of providing for their family......good men care about the emotional wellbeing of their family who should be you and your DS. He doesn't sound like he is worth wasting any more time on to are still young have worked hard to achieve despite having a child early don't let him drag you down!!

LordoftheTits Mon 13-Jun-16 12:54:46

He sounds like an utter waste of space. I'd cut him out entirely.

Wdigin2this Mon 13-Jun-16 12:55:57

Why the hell are you even giving this any thought?? No, no and no again!!!!

mummytime Mon 13-Jun-16 12:58:32

Why are you with him?????

Arfarfanarf Mon 13-Jun-16 12:59:47

Honestly, the best thing you could do would be to say "good idea. Byebye"

He sounds absolutely awful.

RiverTam Mon 13-Jun-16 13:00:57

You were spot on, but why are you still with him? He sounds like an absolute waste of space.

Oh, and you both are still very young.

StillDrSethHazlittMD Mon 13-Jun-16 13:04:44

Why haven't you already told him to fuck off to the back end of fuck?

Purplebluebird Mon 13-Jun-16 13:05:59

He sounds horrible, and yanbu at all! You're so young still, live your life with someone nice instead, please! sad

Zarah123 Mon 13-Jun-16 13:07:30

This man thinks your body is nothing but a baby making or baby dumping machine.

How dare he suggest another baby TWO MONTHS after forcing urging you to abort his other baby?

What happens if he changes his mind next time he makes you pregnant? He gets you to abort it again? He has no respect for you or your body. He doesn't even have the decency to get a full time job to support his existing DS, how the hell is he going to be support a second DC?

Get rid, rid, rid.

VocationalGoat Mon 13-Jun-16 13:10:42

Goodness, not at all unreasonable.
Why would he even consider having more kids now at such a precarious time? He's got nothing to offer but instability. And guys like him never ever come out on top. Sorry to be blunt.
Go out and fulfill your ambitions!! Please don't fill up your life with kids and endless housing/relationship/benefits issues and headaches. You're young. This is your time to really think bigger and be more, do more... to get happier. Your DS will thank you for it. Get your road with DC back on track, not more cluttered with kids (save it for later. You have time for kids) and more problems.
Grab life by the horns!

AyeAmarok Mon 13-Jun-16 13:13:41

I'd wish him on his way to go and pursue other avenues.

He sounds like a selfish, useless, irresponsible and uncaring/unfeeling waste of space.

You don't just "change your mind and fancy another one after all" a couple of months after you've pushed your girlfriend towards an abortion angry


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