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Friend's new girlfriend badmouthing his daughter

(26 Posts)
user1465812166 Mon 13-Jun-16 11:32:43

Some friends of ours split up a couple of years ago after many years together. It was a fairly amicable split as these things go, and we have all remained friends. Their daughter is our goddaughter and we love them all very much.

Over the weekend we met the male friend 's new partner for the first time. I'd seen her on Facebook and thought she rather overdid the lovey doveyness, but hey, first flush of love and all that, prepared to make allowances. I didn't know that much about her after all.

Our friend is in his late 40s. His new girlfriend is 22 years younger than him. They've been together 8 months, she moved in with him after a week. Very vague as to what she did before, but is now newly self employed as a counsellor and angel therapist/medium. She is also writing a "bestselling book" that she plans to self publish. She came out with such a stream of self opinionated bs that I could scarcely bear to be in the same room as her. Oh, and she's "gluten free coeliac and vegan" who eats biscuits and has milk in her coffee. Go figure.

Our friend is quite well off, runs his own business, and is showing all the signs of "no fool like an old fool." That's his look out. However, his girlfriend announced they're moving to be near her family, 250 miles from his daughter. She also said that daughter would not be allowed in "her" new house as she had disrespected her and called her a bitch. She said she was scared of the daughter and had decided that daughter would not see her and Bf when they move. Friend just sat there while she slagged his daughter off. I was horrified.

Should I let our goddaughter's mother know what has been said? I don't want to cause trouble, but this woman seems to be plotting to keep him from his daughter (who it sounds like may have the measure of the girlfriend). Our goddaughter is 17 so not a child, but not an adult either.

I really want to give her a chance, but there are so many red flags here, I feel really confused. Any advice? At work now so can't reply, so thanks in advance.

RiceCrispieTreats Mon 13-Jun-16 11:47:16

Nobody can keep this man from seeing his own daughter. Place the responsibility for whatever happens with your friend, not the girlfriend. He is choosing to move. He will determine how often he contacts his daughter.

The new girlfriend can't "make" him do anything that he isn't willing to go along with in the first place.

If you want to tell your goddaughter's mother what was said, why not, in terms of reporting fact: eg. "I gather that girlfriend and goddaughter don't get along, in fact yesterday at dinner girlfriend said that goddaughter wouldn't be welcome in their new home". But you can't frame it as a "plot" by this young woman to separate your friend from his daughter, because again, your male friend is perfectly capable of making his own choices.

Slowdecrease Mon 13-Jun-16 11:54:35

Keep well out. As pp said, this is entirely your friend's responsibility.

MariaSklodowska Mon 13-Jun-16 11:58:13

" Nobody can keep this man from seeing his own daughter "

oh trust me, they can, esp if he is being led by the dick.

MariaSklodowska Mon 13-Jun-16 11:59:07

My dad has just been sitting there listening to me and my brother get slagged off for YEARS.

Slowdecrease Mon 13-Jun-16 12:00:11

If he's being led by the dick as you put it, he's choosing to be led by the dick. My ex's on/off wife has completely ostracised my ex from our DD. He has fought it many times but the bottom line is, his will power isn't strong enough to get his priorities right - but THATS ON HIM.

MariaSklodowska Mon 13-Jun-16 12:02:39

oh certainly it is on him. that is what men are like though. I daresay his new 'lady' gave him his first ever blowjob or something.

ivykaty44 Mon 13-Jun-16 12:02:45

If this was my dds dads new gf and was indeed s bitch - then it's the best thing that can happen 250 miles between them

There was nothing to stop you asking your friend in front of his gf how he felt about not seeing his dd?

HangingRockPicnic Mon 13-Jun-16 12:19:17

If he prioritises his dick over his daughter then he is being a pretty crap dad.

princessmi12 Mon 13-Jun-16 12:25:58

You can raise the issue with the man in question in one to one conversation,saying it doesn't look right to move far away and leave daughter behind without access to new house, but as PPs said they all grown up and can do what they want to.
Don't goss with exwife and don't relay information in subjective way,its not right.

Cabrinha Mon 13-Jun-16 12:27:24

Why are you even thinking about talking to the mother?
This is your goddaughter.
Why haven't you asked her father what the FUCK he is playing at?

Then yes, I'd tell your friend / the mother.

How did you keep a straight face at "Angel therapist" btw?

KatieKateKat Mon 13-Jun-16 12:45:10

Can't take any posts from userPlusABillionNumbers seriously anymore. I take them all to be bullshit, sorry.
This post has all the hallmarks!

mummytime Mon 13-Jun-16 12:51:03

I have to say I would be talking to him. If anyone is going to get him to see sense iris you, definitely not his ex.

ScrambledSmegs Mon 13-Jun-16 12:51:55

Wtf is an angel therapist?

Hoppinggreen Mon 13-Jun-16 12:54:55

katie I was thinking the same myself

RattusRattus Mon 13-Jun-16 13:02:44

Angel therapists give therapy to angels don't they? Everyone needs someone to talk to. wink

Fuck she sounds like a total idiot. Talk to the friend. Find out if this is dick-led or not.

TheresADogOnYourBalls Mon 13-Jun-16 13:08:45

Christ, she sounds like 'Storm' from that hilarious Tim Minchin sketch.
(Sorry, can't do links, but easily googleable - check it out)

YoureSoSlyButSoAmI Mon 13-Jun-16 13:14:14

She sounds awful but yeah - she's not the problem really.

TheNaze73 Mon 13-Jun-16 13:18:39

Stay well out of it. It had nothing to do with you

MrsCampbellBlack Mon 13-Jun-16 13:18:59

Katie - those user plus many number names are just the automatically generated ones by mn.

OP - personally I would have said something there and then. Can you speak directly to your friend and ask him if he is really planning on leaving his daughter and not seeing her any more?

scallopsrgreat Mon 13-Jun-16 13:21:12

"...there are so many red flags here..." you are right, there are. But perhaps not in the way you were meaning.

"Why haven't you asked her father what the FUCK he is playing at?" <<< THIS x10.

Blimey talk about excusing men's behaviour with a healthy dose of misogyny thrown in. How on earth do these men make a decision in their working lives without being led by an evil woman?

user1465812166 Mon 13-Jun-16 14:11:13

Thank you for your replies. I did challenge my friend and he just looked shifty. I told the gf I like to hear both sides of a story. It was rather awkward.

I in no way meant to portray my friend as the victim of an evil woman - he's a big boy, he makes his own choices!

KatherineMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 13-Jun-16 15:47:36

Just nipping on quickly to say that yes, these username123456etc that are cropping up are indeed auto-generated usernames, and do not mean that the OP is not genuine - so no more troll hunting, please and fanks. flowers

KatieKateKat Mon 13-Jun-16 23:04:01

Sorry KatherineMumsnet, it is almost impossible to differentiate between the different accounts and after seeing utterly disgusting racism yesterday from a 'user' and also being on another awful troll thread from a possibly different who knows? 'user' I will continue to be suspicious of them all.

Fortitudine Sat 09-Jul-16 13:03:19

OP here, I can assure you I'm not a troll, just a new member who hadn't changed the automatically generated user name.

Thank you again for your replies. I've made the decision to distance myself from my friend and his girlfriend after she sent me what I consider to be a staggeringly inappropriate email. She started off by saying that her partner had told her that I'd struggled with depression for years, and she was really impressed with how "normal" I seemed! Huge red flag in her use of language there, and not too comfortable with her discussing me, but hey, couples talk. She then went on to say that she thought that anti-depressants were useless and a product of evil pharma, and that as a favour she would be willing to do a chakra reading and crystal healing session for me at a 10% discount. Yay, I'd be cured!

Putting aside the fact that if it wasn't for "evil" antidepressants there is a good chance that I would be dead, this woman has seriously crossed a line here. I was polite when I emailed back, but pointed out just how inappropriate I thought she had been. I copied her BF in on this. Major tantrum from her at this means it seems safe to say I won't be getting an invitation to the wedding!

I'm sad for my friend but I'm not prepared to put up with nonsense like that. I do hope his midlife crisis is worth it in the long run - he's giving up a hell of a lot for her.

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