Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Starting new relationship

(13 Posts)
Littlefrogletx Sun 12-Jun-16 18:14:01

Hi what are people's views on how long is acceptable to wait before starting any kind of new relationship when kids are involved.
To cut a long story short. Oh and me have been together 13 yrs 2 kids, 11 and 7.
The last 2 have been awful I've not loved him for a long time. He is convinced I am seeing someone else. I dont want another relationship.
But how long is deemed acceptable. He has told me I've got eyes and ears on me. He has been prowling in the garden, police were informed.
I don't think he will ever accept me being with anyone else.
But what about a friends with benefits situation.
I desperately crave affection. I have had an offer from an old friend to go for a drink and have nsa fun.
I know that this would never be a relationship he would never meet my kids
What are people's thoughts?

SpeakNoWords Sun 12-Jun-16 18:15:18

How long have you been separated from your ex-OH?

Littlefrogletx Sun 12-Jun-16 18:36:40

About a month

booksandcoffee Sun 12-Jun-16 18:51:22

Regarding the NSA fun friend I think it is nobody's business but yours. The only time it becomes others' concern is once contact with the children is likely. Then it is really a judgement call as to whether they can be expected to deal with the new situation well. Good luck.

DontFuckingSayIt Sun 12-Jun-16 18:54:39

I think it depends on how likely you are to develop feelings for this old friend. NSA sex is all well and good but when it's an ongoing FWB situation people often do end up getting hurt, and is that really what you need right now?

Morasssassafras Sun 12-Jun-16 19:52:17

froglet from what you've said it seems possible that your previous relationship was/is abusive. Have you spoken with anyone about that? I think you might find it useful to have a look at the below link and also contact women's aid on 0808 2000 247.

I'd be concerned that you aren't in the right place emotionally at the moment to do a nsa/fwb situation but it's obviously entirely your choice flowers

Littlefrogletx Sun 12-Jun-16 20:13:52

Thank you for your advice everyone.
It was abusive although he would never admit it.
I'm really not looking for a relationship. Just a smile on my face for the first time in 2 years really.

LadyStarkOfWinterfell Sun 12-Jun-16 20:16:26

As long as you get a decent babysitter for your kids and meet him away from the kids then knock yourself out!

Morasssassafras Sun 12-Jun-16 20:25:58

If you're not already engaging with your local domestic abuse service then please please do. He will continue being abusive and they will he able to support you to keep you all safe. Women's aid will be able to signpost you the right way.

I think you would benefit from doing the freedom programme too.

If you think you can handle it then take your old friend up on his offer and enjoy.

Littlefrogletx Sun 12-Jun-16 21:10:23

I contacted women's aid but heard nothing back.
I would be wary of any man from now on.
And yes ex is still exhibiting abusive controlling behaviour.

HeddaGarbled Sun 12-Jun-16 21:19:38

If you are separated, you can do whatever you like.

However, you have just escaped from an abusive relationship. Are you sure you don't want to take a little time to get your head straight? You don't have to have sex with a man to get affection. This old friend sounds like a bit of an advantage-taker to me - angling for no strings sex when he knows you are in a vulnerable place.

goddessofsmallthings Sun 12-Jun-16 22:29:25

I agree with Hedda and a vibrator there are other ways that wil put a smie on your face than jumping into bed with an opportunist the first guy that asks.

If you are intent on having a fwb in your life look for one that can be kept well away from your doorstep until your ex's unwelcome attentions have been diverted by his next victim or you have obtained a non-molestation order, otherwise a relationship that should be uncomplicated may add unnecessary stress to your life.

Did you email WA and, if so, when did you send it? Cut out the middleman, so to speak, by finding your nearest service here and give them a call.

Littlefrogletx Sun 12-Jun-16 23:12:03

Thank you

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now