Date didn't look like his picture

[sjs85]

I went on a date, he seemed really nice and said about going out again next weekend but I'm not sure, he didn't look like his picture not completely different but he looked so much more good looking on the dating website picture. I'm only bothered about if he is nice though but I'm not sure whether to see him again. I like being single and I wouldn't want to move from my house and I like having my independence. I'm 30 and have a 7 year old but I would really love to have another baby, he does seem really interested in me but I'm not sure if I want a relationship. Just wanted some advice please

[cbigs]

Hi op,
Is the issue he's not attractive enough or that you don't want a relationship??
( I've done on line dating people rarely do look totally like their picture tbh)

[maisiejones]

Well firstly, they never do look as good as the pics they post. Secondly, you've been on one date and you're already pondering on moving house and having another baby?? 😧

[TheNaze73]

From what you say in your post OP, you're going to need to be wow'd to give up being single & independent & good for you. I think most people will try to look their best on a dating website but, it does strike me as pointless, when pictures are so old. People are bound to be disappointed

[sjs85]

I'm not sure I want a relationship but my daughter would love to have a dad as her dad isn't in touch a lot and also i would like more children but I also love our life my daughter is really happy and we are really close. I don't know whether to go ahead with him, he was really nice and its more important that he is a nice person than looks.

[sjs85]

Sorry i meant in the future if things went into a long term relationship as he was really interested and said I was perfect for him

[RiceCrispieTreats]

I don't think you should be dating, if you don't even know what kind of relationship it is you want. It's really not fair on the other person, for one, and you can't make any good decisions when you're confused about your own needs.

If you are dating, you are doing it for you, not to shop for a father figure for your daughter. Whether you want friendship, no strings shagging, or longterm commitment, it's all fine. But you need to know what it is that you want, and you need to be honest about that with your dates.

Also, if you get hung up on photos from online dating sites, you are going to be systematically disappointed.

[Kenduskeag]

What is it you wanted when you joined a dating site?

Your daughter doesn't 'need a dad', she already has one. Random strange blokes being moved into the house is not healthy. If you gain a new permanent partner then fine, but don't go trawling the streets looking for some bloke to take up space on the sofa because you think she needs it. She doesn't.

You can date and not move out of your house. If anything, I'd recommend it. Fewer socks on the floor or arguments about who does the dishes.

If you think he lied - and it's a crappy first date really when you can see the other person is a bit of a liar putting up fake/oldpics - then sure, move on. Don't just try and find someone who's 'a bit nice' or, worse, 'I suppose he's not a massive tosser'. You don't have to settle for anything.

[sjs85]

Everyone must look a bit different from their picture used on a dating website. I thought I was ready for a relationship but it's difficult after being single for so long.

[sjs85]

I am happy being single and my daughter is doing brilliant, my mum was saying its not fair on my daughter not having a dad and its not normal being on my own.

[TheNaze73]

Ignore your Mum sjs That is ridiculous advice

[Hissy]

You should NOT be dating.

You are not anywhere near in the right place love.

Your dd needs you to be a mum, IF her dad decides he can be bothered, all well and good. You need to date for YOU!

It will literally take YEARS before you should consider moving in with someone so therefore you need to take the time to get to know a guy, enjoy couple time.

Be happy with yourself, as you are. Understand that anyone who has you in their life is lucky to know you and that you really are worth waiting for.

THEN, tentatively start giving dating a whirl, don't fall for the bs, look for tell tale signs that the guy is a twat and if something doesn't ring true, end it.

Don't introduce your child to anyone for a good 6 months until you are sure that there is potential.

Enjoy being a couple! The most boring thing on earth is the blended family bit, enjoy NOT being Muuuuuuuuuuum for as long as you can!

If you think you can wind this all back and stop planning your wedding and future family for a second, take things SLOWLY!!

If you like the guy and enjoy his company and find him attractive, meet him again. You don't have to make up your mind in date 1 or 2 or even 6 or 10. It takes time to work out who someone is.

And your mother is a blithering idiot.

[Trills]

Did the picture look like a completely different person?

Do you think he has a better-looking brother?

Or was it just very good lighting, at a time when he had a tan and a better haircut?

[Trills]

Your mum sounds entirely unhelpful - I don't think you should discuss your love life (or lack of it) with people who express opinions like it's not normal being on your own.

[sjs85]

Thankyou for everyone's advice, I didn't mean to be unfair on anyone I thought it would be no harm to try going on a date, but I know he will be really upset to say I don't want to see him again as he does really like me, how would I say it to him? My daughter always completely comes first and I would always make sure shes in a healthy environment. My mum started saying when I was visiting I'm not doing my best for her as she needs a dad and I have anxiety and I'm not working my daughter will grow up without any money.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

sjs

Your mother's poor counsel should be ignored because she spouts absolute garbage. This leads me to a wider question; what did you learn about relationships from your parents when growing up? What sort of an example did they set you? Are you a people pleaser?

I also do not think you should at all go anywhere near any more dating sites till your head is in a better place re this whole issue of dating. Your DD has a dad already. She certainly does not need some potentially rubbish replacement of a stepfather simply because her nan says that you as her mother should not be on her own because it is not "normal".

Love your own self for a change. You need to do that fully before you can really love someone else.

[sjs85]

Trills he had 5 pics on his profile all really good looking but he had a really large chin! Really big but you couldn't tell on the pics

[Hissy]

My love, your dd comes first SOMETIMES.

On occasions, YOU need to come first. Dating is a situation where you balance being a mum with being a woman. It's ok! Date for you. If you want to.

If your DM says anything just tell her to atop being ridiculous.

The work think, is she saying you need to whack up with a bloke with money?

If I were you I'd focus on getting yourself back in work and enjoy the independence that gives you. Then see where you get to.

[sjs85]

I've tried so many jobs and I've never been able to do anything she said if I was married at least I would have some status and I wouldn't look to everyone I'm on benefits not doing anything. I've tried so many jobs I've never been good at any job. It's just really stressful now my parents saying I'm not doing anything and I need to get a job but I'm not capable of doing it

[Hissy]

Of course you're capable! Why wouldn't you be? Did they tell you that you fail in everything?
What would you want to do?

[Trills]

I know he will be really upset to say I don't want to see him again as he does really like me

After one date?

If I thought someone would react like that, that would be a reason NOT to see them again.

[Kenduskeag]

The 1840s called, they want your mum back.

Really, stop listening to her. She's spouting the sort of dangerous claptrap that leaves women stuck in miserable, even abusive relationships because 'any' man is better than none. Such thinking also leads to dangers for children.

If you want career advice, tell us what you do and what you'd like to do. Forget the men for now. You can't hope some bloke's gonna come along and pay the bills and 'be a dad' or bestow Edwardian status upon you. One won't. Only you can do that, and you CAN do it - your confidence is all the 'status' you need.

[sjs85]

I've always had problems with nerves and it stops me being able to be good at any job, I've tried lots of different jobs since I was 18 and never been able to be confident it and then I always get sacked for not being capable enough. When I had my daughter it was the best thing that has ever happened to me and I have always been good at being a mum, I'm worried also because I'm 30 if I don't get into a relationship I won't be able to have another baby.

[PamDooveOrangeJoof]

Yes your dd come first which is why you have to be super choosy re who you go out with.

Just having a relationship with any old random because you feel sorry for them is really not the way to start it off.

Also, I don't mean to worry you but some strange men do target single mothers. So first of all you have to fancy and like the person.
Then get to know them extremely well before considering moving in with them etc.