Boyfriend stealing from me

[fizzfiend]

I have a nannycam and was just flicking through and found my boyfriend taking his choice coins from the change bowl when I was asleep. Been together for 3 years but we don't live together. I feel like it's such a small thing but a huge thing too. If he does this to me, isn't that a lack of disrespect and what else is he going to take? Or am I overreacting?

[Lweji]

That would be the end for me.
In a relationship my partner would only have to ask or tell me he needed change.
Why the nanny cam, though? And why was it on, presumably, at night? Did you suspect something was going on?

[loveyoutothemoon]

Yes!

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

Has he had an opportunity to tell you that he needed change for something?

[nicenewdusters]

Perhaps he just needed some change ?!

Should he have woken you and asked you, what time was it ? Have you mentioned it to him since ?

[HappyGirlNow]

You've been with someone 3 years and you want to split because they took some change??? Is there more to this?

[loveyoutothemoon]

She didn't say she wanted to split!

[HarrietSchulenberg]

Has he added change to the bowl too and could he therefore think it was joint money?

[RiceCrispieTreats]

You've been together 3 years, but you call him your boyfriend (not partner), you don't live together, and you call his action stealing in your title.

If those are your standards, then those are your standards, and it doesn't sound like he meets them.

FWIW I wouldn't consider this stealing, since this is a person you have a very intimate and very longstanding relationship with, but to each their own. (Would you consider it stealing if he took food from your fridge, too?)

[TheNaze73]

Don't underplay this. It's a massive deal. He's a thief

[Crinkle77]

If it's just a few odds I see the big deal. If it's a few pound on a regular basis then that might be different.

[Crinkle77]

Sorry mean to say if it's a few odds I don't see the big deal.

[riceuten]

Have you asked him?

[MatildaTheCat]

Oh dear, this means I am a long term and committed thief since I scoop up all the change dh leaves lying around on a daily basis and use it freely.

Seriously, how much do you reckon is missing? £2 or £200? Then ask him about it. If you begrudge him a bit of lose change he needed in a hurry then if I was him I'd not be sure about wanting to be in a relationship with you anyway.

If there is much more to it then you need to tell us if we are to be helpful.

[crazyhead]

Totally depends on the dynamic in your relationship. I'd never have woken my husband to ask about grabbing a few quid for coffee or vice versa, but that's us. Depends how you spend, how much you've got spare - what's your feeling?

[HeddaGarbled]

I take coins out of my H's change pot if I don't have any and know I'm going to need it for car park machines or something of that sort. I'm unlikely to do it in the middle of the night when he's asleep though. Perhaps this was in the morning when he was on his way out and you were still asleep?

[QuiteLikely5]

Odd thing to do when he knows you have the nanny cam on???

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Is this the tip of the iceberg?

[Lyndsaylou84]

Definitely depends on the amount he took and how often he does. I found £30 in DP jeans pocket this morning before I washed them and took it because I was going shopping I told him a few hours later he said "that's fine"

[PortiaCastis]

Nanny Cam for catching the bf out, cor what else was he doing, anything special?

[KateLivesInEngland]

This is either complete bullshit or you're a control freak and your boyfriend should be the one running a mile.

[fizzfiend]

The thing is that he picked out the big coins and then kept looking at the door furtively. He then pocketed them. He hadn't asked me if he needed it because I would of course have said yes. We don't live together for practical reasons but spend a lot of time together.

I sort of feel that if he can do that, then I'm not sure I can trust him. It was the way he kept looking to see if I was coming.

[Lweji]

It's completely different when it's between spouses (family money in fact) or even living in partners.
Or between boy/girlfriends it should be in the open. I really don't see any reason not to check with the other person before taking any money or telling them afterwards, in case they needed it or missed it and blamed anyone else.

You could say you noticed some cash missing and see if he says anything, just in case it slipped his mind.

[blueemerald]

Does he put coins in the bowl?

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Furtive. Like he felt like he was stealing?

[wonkylampshade]

He was consciously stealing. Why else would he keep checking to see if you were coming? Trust your instincts.

This is coming from someone who also hoovers up loose change left by a partner, but openly! Never furtively.