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He's gone

(14 Posts)
enfru Sun 12-Jun-16 15:01:20

I posted a few weeks ago about my DH who said he wanted to leave but then wouldn't leave. Well today he's left.
Its been 10 weeks ish of arguing, him lying constantly, him being an absolute arsehole to me, him basically acting like a complete stranger.
So why is it that I am now in floods of tears? I was the one who packed up his stuff, I was the one who took
down the photos of us as a couple, I was the one who spoke to DS about what was happening. I've kept it together despite everything- and now I've been reduced to a wreck in front of him.
Why couldn't I have held it in for two more minutes? I feel so annoyed with myself.

kennypppppppp Sun 12-Jun-16 15:05:26

i was similar to you and i cried for about 6months. seriously.

i just lay on the sofa and cried most of the time. didn't want to look at the internet. no telly. no phone. i needed to let my mind wander and the tears come out. managed to go to work, feed the kids and lock the door and lie low.

it's a horrid horrible vile time.

Your adrenaline could only hold out for so long.

Sorry you cried when you'd hoped not to. But look to the next bits, which are going to be so much nicer!

Puff42 Sun 12-Jun-16 16:34:05

I'm so sorry. Just let yourself feel what you feel and you will eventually come out the other side.

RosieSW Sun 12-Jun-16 16:47:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wordsaremything Mon 13-Jun-16 23:34:52

Wise and genuine post Rosie. Xxx

Ineedmorelemonpledge Mon 13-Jun-16 23:55:09

You were very strong for a very long time.

It's time to have a good cry. A self indulgent sobbing loud stress relieving cry. I did this when my STBXH walked out. I'd get my DS to bed and then sit at night on the sofa and break my heart.

You'll feel times when you go from euphoria to wondering how you'll get through the day.

It's all normal and part of the process. In fact scientific all its your body flushing out endorphins used to cope with stress.

It's nearly 2 years since my ex left. It went quite quickly and I am still here. And I'm doing ok.

You will get through this, at your own pace, and you will be ok. flowers

enfru Tue 14-Jun-16 08:22:38

Thank you all. I seem to be flitting from OK, furious and distraught- i don't know which one is going to come next.
He came round the house this morning because he has to take our son to school on the days I'm at work and he was so light and breezy- currently I'm in the furious mindset!

RosieSW Tue 14-Jun-16 13:29:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dowser Tue 14-Jun-16 14:10:54

We can all grieve for the things that we didn't have in a relationship.

You might also find that previous hurts and losses tag along too.

Sometimes when I'm crying hard and grieving hard, other things get rolled up like a big snowball. Let it out. Let it flow. There might some bits of unresolved grief in there that still need to come out.
Sorry that you weren't able to hang on for two minutes...it just shows you're a lovely human being in my eyes and not made of steel. We can only sustain so much loss before the dam bursts.

Hugs, flowers and wine to help you through...and cake ;-)

Iamdobby63 Tue 14-Jun-16 18:57:35

You will get through this, you will come out the other side and be happier. It's not a surprise that your emotions are all over the place, he has messed you around for a while now. I think you suspected he was seeing someone else?

enfru Tue 14-Jun-16 20:21:26

That's right. I still am. He has followed "the script" to the letter (and I didn't know anything about the script when he started acting off)
He's lied about where he's been, he's lied about finances, he's lied about stupid things like being on the phone- I was trying to get hold of him for about half an hour and it kept going straight to voicemail, when I finally reached him he said his phone must be playing up, his phone bill shows he was on the phone. I know it was a woman he worked with on that call and there were a number of calls between them including the day after I confronted him about it and had taken our son swimming- the whole time I was out the house and he was supposed to be watching our daughter, he was on the phone to her.
I've found receipts for a meal at zizzis miles from where we live but paid for by a card ending in the same 4 digits as his. Apparantly that's just a coincidence and someone gave him the receipt with a phone number on the back.
It all a load of bs.
He's not helping my angry state at the mo- I've asked him if he wants to see the kids at the weekend given that it's Father's Day- maybe was his response. He's still doing the school runs 3 days a week so was here when I got home tonight and he was sitting on the sofa watching tv eating banana bread id baked and drinking a can of Diet Coke- he doesn't live here anymore!! All the while the kids who he hasn't seen since Sunday were trying to get his attention and he wasn't interested- makes me sad for them

Iamdobby63 Tue 14-Jun-16 21:31:46

Hopefully one day you will come to believe that you haven't actually lost much, just a man who lies and spends money on another woman.

He will reap what he sows with the children, yes it's sad but you can't make him be more attentive toward them. Seems like he is very selfish and it's all about him and his needs.

Ineedmorelemonpledge Tue 14-Jun-16 23:52:55

Time to put some rules in place...

My ex thought he could wander into my house, make a brew and visit DS for a few hours when he walked out on us.

Fuck that - I was straight to a lawyer to find out minimum visitation laws (I'm in a diff country) and put everything in place straight away. He'd taken advantage of me enough it was time to put my DS and my own priorities first.

Make it clear - if he's gone, he's gone. It won't help you get over this if he feels he can just come and go as he pleases.

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