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First time mum, new baby and inlaws

(9 Posts)
MusicIsMedicine Sun 12-Jun-16 09:44:50

Talk Antenatal/postnatal depression
First time mum - inlaw visit1
Today 09:40 MusicIsMedicine

Baby is a week old. Inlaws want to visit and sleep on the couch, flat is tiny, what should I do?

Also dp's other family are all telling me when they'll visit, not asking me.

Dp arranges things with others then just tells me as if it's a done deal without consulting me. How do I tackle this?

Lastly, inlaws already getting overinvolved and telling me their opinions on feeding, car seats, etc., how do I politely tell them to butt out?

jbee1979 Sun 12-Jun-16 09:52:33

Just say no.

Chocolateteabag Sun 12-Jun-16 09:56:56

Inlaws advice: just smile and say "how interesting", don't engage or agree.

DH - I would be firm and tell him straight up to check with you first before arranging anything. Then if(when) he does it again don't be available for whatever it is - and stand your ground!

amysmummy12345 Sun 12-Jun-16 09:58:43

I always say "yeah we looked at that car seat/method of feeding, but we're doing it this way..." I don't even explain why, or leave an opening in the conversation for them to respond to. They soon learn that their opinion is not needed 😁

Chocolateteabag Sun 12-Jun-16 09:59:42

Oh and sleeping on the couch? Fine if they don't mind being woken up through the night as you get up with the baby. Mention this, then if they insist - make sure you go and get a drink in the night as and when you need. Make them realise their mistake the hard way! Don't tiptoe round them whatever you do!

HeartsofOak Sun 12-Jun-16 10:35:54

At a week old you need rest, peace and time to bond with your baby.

Your dh needs to understand that. So start with him. Just tell him no to overnight stays and that it is his job to limit day visits strictly to an hour. No more than one a day.

If he won't listen get your MW or HV to back you up.

God, some people are so inconsiderate and selfish. You wouldn't think you would have to spell it out.

Congratulations on your baby flowers

Gide Sun 12-Jun-16 17:38:47

Send them a list of local hotels. You need DP on board with this and tell him to tell his family they can visit for a certain length of time on dats to suit you, not them.

2nds Sun 12-Jun-16 17:46:21

Inlaws meaning 2 or more people descending on you, no. Tell them about this lovely hotel nearby. If it had been just your Mil or Fil I'd have said it may be doable but 2 extra folk in a small flat nope.

The sleeping arrangements is not the only issue, if you have one bathroom you need that bathroom at a moments notice as you are still recovering from the birth. Two people sitting chatting at night, watching TV etc when you are trying to get baby to sleep, and it will be more cramped. That's 4 adults to cater for too.

When there is no actual need for them to stay tell them you don't have the space.

IthinkIamsinking Sun 12-Jun-16 18:05:49

Learn to nod, smile and ignore when given advice.
Your DP needs to tell his family they need to book a hotel as you don't have room. Your DP also needs to be telling his family no visitors until invited and to stick to his guns. I would be bloody furious to OP. You need time to recover from the birth and find your feet a bit. The only thing I tolerated was an hours visit by family a week after my twins were born.

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