DP and I have been together for 7.5 years. He has two DC from previous marriage, I have one and we have three DC together. I know, deep down, that I need to leave but it is such a monumental decision. If I list my reasons here and got some feedback I thought it might help.
- He has dipped in and out of his DCs lives since we met. He stopped seeing them for 18 months a few years ago then one day spoke to his ex and went off to see them without a word to me. He stopped seeing them again a year ago and has no plans to try to resume contact. I miss them and can't respect a man who thinks not seeing his children is an option in life.
- None of our DC like spending time with him alone. He cannot handle more than one DC at a time and cannot do anything practical with them - I. E. Bed or bath times. He cannot discipline them or help them when they're upset. He doesn't foresee danger and is easily distracted.
- He is sex obsessed. He told me he loved me the other day and one of the DC asked why and he said 'because I know your potential' and winked
We have a young baby and he keeps talking about how he can't wait to get me back every night and sneak in sex during the day. Every time I stand still he tries to kiss and cuddle me and I constantly feel like I want to brush him off.
- I don't trust him 100%. His phone is all private and he spends a lot of time on it.
- He bores me. He has no friends, interests or hobbies. He doesn't make me laugh. We have nothing to talk about. He is never spontaneous and has never surprised me. He never ever makes decisions and leaves everything to me. He is asleep on the sofa by 10 every night when there's no sex on the agenda.
- He does nothing at all around the house despite having lots of time off.
- He is really tight with money. He's never bought the children birthday or Christmas presents or contributed to parties, activities, clothes or anything to do with them. I have paid for all holidays, if I didn't we'd never have one.
- I don't like the way he treats my daughter (his SD). They have a love/hate relationship and argue a lot. She has no respect for him at all and he does nothing about it. I back him up and give him the right to parent equally but he doesn't. He is much harder on her than on our dc and can be belittling and overly physical, imo.
- The happiest days are when he's only back for ten mins before bedtime. The kids tell him about their day and there's no time for him to upset them. On days off I feel constantly irritated by him and the kids are much much less happy. The atmosphere is tense and unhappy.
10. He pretends to family and friends that he's a really hands on dad but actually has very little happy time with them.
These are the main things. The things that have prevented me from leaving so far:
- I wonder whether leaving means my DC no longer have a father. He stopped seeing his other DC when it wasn't made easy for him. He's said he'd find it too hard to see me and not be with me before. I don't trust that he can care for the children safely so I wouldn't make it easy but I don't know how I'd explain his disappearance to the DC.
- Finances. I have no access to money and no family support.
I know I could cope with the DC and we'd be very happy but somethings holding me back from taking the final step. I worry my reasons for leaving aren't strong enough to remove my childrens father from their lives, possibly altogether I'd he chooses not to see them. I have tried working on things and suggesting ways to improve things. He apologises but nothing improves.
