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newly single mum- how am I going to cope

(9 Posts)
JJRJ1002 Sat 11-Jun-16 22:03:03

2 kids, 2 different dads, youngest 6 months old and have just split up with OH.
Im wondering how I could be so stupid to let this happen to me again, how can I make the wrong decision on a partner yet again, how can I be left holding the baby again while their life continues as normal. I just don't know how I'm going to cope, mainly with the anger and unjustness of it all.
Does anyone have any good coping strategies.

5BlueHydrangea Sat 11-Jun-16 22:09:35

It sounds very new and raw but think what happened last time. How did you cope then? Who were your supportive People, and are they the same now? There are a lot of single parents on MN so loads of great support here. You will find ways that work for you. Once you've adjusted to the new situation you will cope.

JJRJ1002 Sat 11-Jun-16 22:21:08

Last time it look me years of anger and resentment to one day being ok with it. But it took a lot out of me and was a very hard journey. I hate the thought of doing it all over again- especially with a baby so young.
I have no one in my life that was there when I met him. My life has just been about us as a family so it's going to be a big lonely void.

Myusernameismyusername Sat 11-Jun-16 22:25:51

I love being a single mum now. I love the close bond we have. That's what has kept me going. Knowing the example I am setting to them about being independent.

You need friends. You need to find a support network. Go to mother and baby groups and ask your Health visitor for her support too, as you sound like you need some.

As for the anger, it will fade in time.

flowers you will be ok, although it doesn't feel that way now

newname99 Sat 11-Jun-16 23:02:46

How old is your oldest? You will get through it however but it will take time to adjust to single life.I think you can be very happy on your own but you need to have a time to grieve and then say after 6 months start thinking of 1 thing you want would like to achieve.Use the new year for a new start.

It might be useful to access some counselling especially if you feel you have established a negative relationship pattern.

HeartsofOak Sat 11-Jun-16 23:32:22

It's them that are missing out though OP.

You have two beautiful children. Cherish them, make the most of your time with them. Enjoy them. They won't be with you forever.

And, look after yourself. You are no good to your dc if you are worn out emotionally and physically. So you need to put yourself up there too as a priority.

I second counselling. Don't let that anger stew away to blight your days. Get it off your chest with a poor grin counsellor and then move on. As they say, the best revenge is a happy life.

cbigs Sat 11-Jun-16 23:36:41

Yep I did it for years op first with my first son as a baby then with my three kids when I was pregnant with the third still . that was a bit harsh admittedly it's doable and it gives you self respect and competence. You need to look forwards not back and do what's best for the kids with regards to your ex.
You can do this!!

Hamiltoes Sun 12-Jun-16 09:05:45

I could have written your post sadly, two different dads and the youngest was only 6 weeks old when it happened again.

I remember feeling exactly the same as you, how could I have let this happen again? I had to go back to work when my youngest was just 4m old because I couldn't afford to pay the mortgage any more. I really struggled, even with some help from family.

I just want you to know that it does get easier as they get older. My youngest will be 2 soon and you really just adjust and grow as a person and become that much stronger. Don't get me wrong there are still times when their fathers let me down, when work gets to stressful and the house seems to have 100 things needing doing and I just climb into bed for a good cry. But there is also lots of great times too and I generally feel very strong and empowered.

I thought I'd be alone until my girls were much older at least (what sane man would want anyone with two kids to two different dads?!) but after taking a year to find my feet I went OLD and had some great dates with really decent guys, before meeting someone who is absolutely lovely.

Remember everything passes, and you will come out the other end much stronger! If you ever need to have a moan or chat please PM me. Wishing you all the best flowers

JJRJ1002 Sun 12-Jun-16 09:37:38

Thank you for your responses.

I suppose there is nothing else I can do but plod on.
This might sound silly but I worry about the house and car- he would do all the diy or technical things in the house- I look round now and see so much that needs doing and I think 'who's gonna do that now'. He would do everything with the car and I know lots needs doing on the car but now he's gone it won't get done because it will cost me a fortune.

It's all going to hit me with a sharp shock.

The reason we broke up is so stupid but I feel he disrespected me in a major way but he is not the type of person to apologise and he will not fight for us and I feel I was not in the wrong so I will not break. It's got so bad that I really don't want to talk to him, he gets so nasty and is so matter of fact and turns it all on me and shows no sign of wanting to make things better. I really need to have no contact with him because I feel better when I don't- when he msgs I just get upset and angry.

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