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How long would you wait?

(16 Posts)
Amimadd Sat 11-Jun-16 16:27:17

I don't know what to do whether to cut my losses or stick with it but I'm seeing someone who is going through quite a complicated divorce it's been going on a year now, his ex is in no hurry to sort houses/finances out but he still pays her bills, the ex lives abroad.

We get on well my kids like him, his kids like me when they come over. He says he loves me and wants us to be together, I love him too.

I'm trying to buy a house so that we could all move in together and get on with our lives but that's stalled due to problems, but my problem is I just want to settle down again after having a year on my own after my divorce.

Am I expecting too much from him? His divorce just seems to take forever to sort out I can't see it ending, maybe I'm being too selfish.
Hope that makes sense..

TheNaze73 Sat 11-Jun-16 16:29:24

I think you are expecting too much. He's doing all the right things. Just be patient. What's the rush?

RedMapleLeaf Sat 11-Jun-16 16:30:52

How long have you been together?

You don't say much about your relationship with him, so much as you wanting a relationship in general.

ImperialBlether Sat 11-Jun-16 16:32:42

Some people seem to want to move in with someone else very quickly after a divorce/break up and others need time for their wounds to heal. It sounds as though he's one of the latter.

The thing is that you want him to live with you and your children; he might get on with them well but feel guilty about living with other children when he can't live with his own. He might just not want to do that, even if he doesn't feel guilt. I know I wouldn't want to live with someone else's children.

It sounds as thought he's a good guy, so surely it would be worth waiting for him to feel ready?

Amimadd Sat 11-Jun-16 16:33:45

We've been together just over a year. We live separately but spend weekends together which we both enjoy, we've booked a holiday in August.

pippistrelle Sat 11-Jun-16 16:35:54

You do sound a bit all or nothing. I can't help thinking that taking time to reflect after a marriage break up is a good thing.

monkeychop Sat 11-Jun-16 16:38:10

I'd be inclined to wait a bit longer, a year on your own after your divorce is not a long time.

Has he said he wants to move in with you?

Hellothereitsme Sat 11-Jun-16 16:41:59

Its taken my STBxh and I four years to start the divorce. He has continued to pay for the house etc so there hasn't been any rush and children are very settled. We are all different and he sounds like a great father who wants to ensure his children are secure. I'm not sure if I would want to move in with someone else's children and not mine but we do seem to expect men to do that

Amimadd Sat 11-Jun-16 16:44:01

He seemed more keen to move in together than me at first, and my kids are looking forward to it, they enjoy his company too.
I think I'm probably being too impatient.

Amimadd Sat 11-Jun-16 16:46:22

His kids are grown up and live abroad, his younger one is visiting and my move back which I don't have a problem with, we've talked about us moving in together it's what he wants.

monkeychop Sat 11-Jun-16 16:46:41

Yes, I'd say take your foot of the pedal a little bit OP. Actually if you do ease up a bit you can bet your life that will this will kick him into gear to get his divorce sorted more quickly.

wallywobbles Sat 11-Jun-16 17:51:01

Similar situation but the divorce has taken 3 years. Finally have a court date for September. Honestly although this has driven me to distraction after 6 years on my own and 2.5 years together, it probably is a good thing. Problems raise their heads as time goes on and it may stop you moving on faster than is good for you.

I am one of lifes doers so I have found going at someone elses' speed (his exs) a challenge to put it politely.

Amimadd Sat 11-Jun-16 18:41:22

Thanks wally I'm a doer too and just want to get on, but like you say maybe the time is a good thing. His ex could sort it out quite easily but is making him wait to get a court date for whatever reason, I don't get involved, but it is very challenging.

RedMapleLeaf Sat 11-Jun-16 19:16:39

We may as well get this out early on in the thread - what role did you play in the ending of their marriage?

Amimadd Sat 11-Jun-16 19:42:38

Nothing to do with it

RedMapleLeaf Sat 11-Jun-16 19:50:32

How long have they been separated? Perhaps it's early days for him?

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