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Feel like I've lost love for DH and only friendship remains

(4 Posts)
Alwayswish Sat 11-Jun-16 11:01:49

I've been with DH for 8 years, married for 5 and have a 14 month old son together. Recently I can't stop thinking that I'm no longer in love with him and that it's only a friendship that remains.
We were friends before getting together and I've started to worry that the whole relationship has been a lie on my part and that I've never 'fancied' him and fell into it as I was alone and felt like I should. I have no desire for intimacy at all and have a resentment for him that I can't justify.
I struggle with depression and low self worth and he's been amazingly supportive but I'm terrified that he's another area of my life where I'm playing a role. I don't know who I am as a person let alone what I want.
Being alone is a scary thought but I feel like I'm stringing him along. I'm scared to tell him any of this as once the words are out I can't take them back.
Has anyone else ever felt like this?

Sassypants82 Sat 11-Jun-16 14:06:23

I sometimes struggle to feel my love for my husband & regularly feel resentment for him for different reasons. This usually coincides with me feeling a bit stressed, anxious & down. Probably very low level depression although I've never had it diagnosed. I believe this may be a depression symptom. Personally, I know I absolutely love my husband & am very in love with him but sometimes I can't feel it & fantasise about asking him to leave. (which is absolutely crazy, I would never want that!)
Also, your child is so young, relationships suffer somewhat when there's a baby to be minded. So you think it could be your depression exacerbating these feelings?

Alwayswish Sat 11-Jun-16 15:19:54

It probably is and things have definitely been harder since the baby. I tell myself that things will get better but there is always a niggling doubt as I have zero lust for him anymore. I love him as a person but I don't feel like there's any of the feelings that I should have for him as my husband, more like he's my best friend.
I too have fantasized about asking him to leave or running away from everything but I have also had times where I've wished I hadn't had my son so I could feel able to commit suicide so I'm aware that those are most definitely the depression talking.
I feel very alone and guilty for my thoughts. He's just returned from 4 days away and I didn't miss him once, I only missed the help he gives me raising our son. I feel like a fraud.

Sassypants82 Sun 12-Jun-16 23:16:40

I'm so sorry to read that.
Are you attending your GP or mental health services in relation to your depression? Have you told anyone you have suicidal thoughts? I think first things first, you need to get your head in a healthy place and Glen examine your feelings for your husband & go from there.
It's known to be one of the most difficult, stressful & relationship testing times, having a young child, so please go easy on yourself.

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