Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What do you make of this?

(139 Posts)
duro1 Fri 10-Jun-16 20:35:32

Through a family member met a man who is funny, full of life, smart, good looking (to me anyway). I've been on my own a long time and rarely get attracted to a man

So, we went on a couple of dates and on one of these dates he said that he was doing cocaine last night. I was bit shocked. He is 40 BTW. He is recently divorced and she wouldn't let him do it. He admitted he had been binging on it since break up as she wasn't there to say no and he was lost without his family. Anyway, I have done this in my much younger years and said so. Certainly not something I do now, or anything like this, with two very young children (not that their age makes a difference really).

So he has been lovely, kind, everything my last relationship wasn't. On Weds night he asked me out for a meal. He then said via text if he should get some coke in. I said not for me thanks. Then he said he was joking. He said another time and I just ignored it. Anyway, we went out to a stunning restaurant, had an amazing meal and he was pretty much the perfect gent. He was driving us home when he started saying 'shall we do a line'. I was a bit pissed and so sad that the night was now going like this. I said I'm not. He actually got it out his wallet and asked if I had a note. I handed one to him. He was saying are you going to, I said no. He said I won't if you won't. I said you do what you want.

Anyway he put it away and went back to his. Later that evening we were laying in bed together and I had to tell him that I was going to a birthday do for an hour for family member and that my ex would be there. He was so stressed by it and said I've got to have a line. I lay in bed so disgusted as I could hear him doing it. Yuk. He then went to the bathroom and came back in and said he flushed the rest away. I just went to sleep.

In morning I asked why he did it and he said cause of shock of what I told him. He said he had to throw rest away or would be up all night doing it

To me this is a major problem. To me it feels like he has a coke problem. Of course he insists he doesn't and can 'take it or leave it'. I am just so so so massively dissapointed and down that a man who seems so great and I have huge chemistry with would behave like this.

LTB I guess

AnyFucker Fri 10-Jun-16 20:37:30

Yep. LTB. The man is a fucking loser. Don't saddle yourself with shit like that.

WordGetsAround Fri 10-Jun-16 20:37:47

Yes, you're right I think. LTB.

duro1 Fri 10-Jun-16 20:40:44


AnotherEmma Fri 10-Jun-16 20:41:19

Why are you even asking the question?! It's a no brainer. Just walk the hell away.

duro1 Fri 10-Jun-16 20:42:45

He said if get together properly he would stop altogether but he should stop cause he wants to, not for me. He's a successful businessman (ie. not a waster) and the rest of him is just spot on just wish wish he didn't do it

BirthdayBetty Fri 10-Jun-16 20:44:12

Personally I wouldn't go there, so yes, LTB.

jillyarmeen16 Fri 10-Jun-16 20:44:21

God he sounds awful. What's so shocking and stressful for him about you spending and hour in the same room as your ex presumably your dc father? After a couple of dates its really none of his business anyway.
Yes he has a coke problem. Ltb he sounds like a complete loser and he's pushing your boundaries.

EarthboundMisfit Fri 10-Jun-16 20:44:57

He's been upfront with you. He doesn't want to stop. I'm really sorry but I think it's a no brainer too

loobyloo1234 Fri 10-Jun-16 20:45:55

LTB ... he isn't going to change. Walk away before it gets any deeper. He's a loser

ICanSeeForMiles Fri 10-Jun-16 20:47:20

Oh fuck no. Don't get caught up in his shit, LTB. And I'm saying that as someone who used to have the odd line every few months.

ApocalypseSlough Fri 10-Jun-16 20:47:52

I can practically feel his itchiness to do it through your words!

AnyFucker Fri 10-Jun-16 20:48:07

if you get together he will stop ?

Has he no free will of his own then ?. He sounds like a needy child. Pathetic.

When you said your ex might be at some function he threatened to use drugs to cope with it ?

What made you so needy that you are even engaging with this fuckwittery ?

BirthdayBetty Fri 10-Jun-16 20:48:37

Nice how he blames the fact you're going to spend an hour with your dc's father at a family occasion for his inability to control his drug use hmm
Then that he won't stop using for you, charming.

CopperPot Fri 10-Jun-16 20:49:02

He sounds like a very unhinged person.

magoria Fri 10-Jun-16 20:49:10

If he were going to give it up for someone wouldn't that be the person he married?

If he can't/won't do it then why would he do it for someone he has had a few dates with?

AnyFucker Fri 10-Jun-16 20:49:29

he sounds like an addict

AnotherEmma Fri 10-Jun-16 20:51:34

"What made you so needy that you are even engaging with this fuckwittery ?"

Good question

duro1 Fri 10-Jun-16 20:51:51

Yep i know, I know. Having had the shittest year of my life he suddenly walked into it and brought life and laughter and made me feel good. Just feel so sad to chuck it away, though of course deep down I know I must. I am sat at home and he is out on the piss with his mates watching football and goodness knows what later.

Going to give myself a damn good talking too.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Fri 10-Jun-16 20:52:26

So he's already trying to get you on the stuff too!! Christ, you wouldn't have got me out of that car quick enough.
He's bad news. Okay, he might be a successful businessman, but I would lose all respect for him.

SpunBodgeSquarepants Fri 10-Jun-16 20:52:43

I'm so sorry - it's not what you want to hear but he's an addict. My ex would blame me for 'starting arguments' with him which caused him to go on coke binges. They'll take any excuse they can find to do it, and they justify it by telling themselves it wasn't their fault. Cocaine addicts are the worst people to be around, they'll bring you down without even realising they're doing it.

AnotherEmma Fri 10-Jun-16 20:53:34

Sorry you had a shit year. But you really don't want another shit year, and thag would be pretty likely with him, I reckon.

I'm sure you'll find a lovely man who isn't a cokehead.

GrimmauldPlace Fri 10-Jun-16 20:53:56

So he wouldn't give it up for the woman he married, or maybe he did but missed it so much that he's "binged" on it since divorcing, yet he'll give it up for you? You can't possibly believe that, not even a tiny bit. If it bothers you then yes, LTB. What's the point in carrying on a relationship when there is going to be this massive issue between you? Cut your losses now, I think.

AnyFucker Fri 10-Jun-16 20:54:04

Oh yes, he will be coked up to the eyeballs later. You know this.

CopperPot Fri 10-Jun-16 20:54:10

Yeah the making an argument to do coke screams addict.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now