Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Advice needed about ExH's family who I am NC with and birthdays.

(10 Posts)
Rubixx Fri 10-Jun-16 18:48:54

This year I have gone no contact with ExMil and ExFil after years of little things all building up to one big thing. DD is not in contact either.

ExSil hasn't spoken to me since (not bothered). Next week it is her daughters birthday. I always considered her my niece but does it count when I've been divorced over twice as long as I was in her life? I was only in her life for 4 years and seen very occasionally since the split. I'm not sure what route to take. Do I give a gift and sign from myself and DD or just DD? She is their cousin so obviously wouldn't let it go unmarked but am I really their Auntie anymore?

I'm not really sure what to do. This is the first birthday since going no contact.

Rubixx Fri 10-Jun-16 19:48:10

Anyone?

KleineDracheKokosnuss Fri 10-Jun-16 19:50:42

Have you been in contact with her up to now? If you had a good relationship I would send a card and with a gift voucher. But be prepared it may be returned.

Arfarfanarf Fri 10-Jun-16 19:55:10

I would send a card and token gift.

Be the bigger person. It will drive them mad grin but what can they say? What a cow sending a child a birthday gift?

Rubixx Fri 10-Jun-16 20:02:48

So I should sign it from us both?

PhoenixReisling Fri 10-Jun-16 20:38:18

Why isn't your ex sorting his presents for your DC for his family?

Before going NC with them, did he organise gifts from the DC to his family? If not he needs to start, it's not your responsblity.

If you were inclined to send something to your exDSIL, then send birthday card to their cousin (or a generic one if you want to sign too) and a small gift voucher.

However, if you have been NC for a year...have they done the same? Have they sent gifts/cards to you and your DC?

PhoenixReisling Fri 10-Jun-16 20:43:24

FYI.

I am NC with my family. I have been the bigger person and sent thoughtful gifts and cards. This however has never been reciprocated.....its been a way to point score (not signing cards, giving inappropriate gifts, sending them late etc).

Now, I just send vouchers in my family it is the ultimate no no, cause I am not willing to put myself out for others to use as a way to beat me with because it will never be enough.

Imbroglio Sat 11-Jun-16 07:31:22

Agree that it's really your ex's responsibility. Would you expect him to sort out gifts for yyour family? Just make sure he knows you are not covering this any more.

Whocansay Sat 11-Jun-16 08:05:26

I wouldn't. This is for your ex to sort.

LineyReborn Sat 11-Jun-16 08:10:31

I never did. I left it for my Ex to deal with. His family, his monkeys.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now