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Dealing with different personality traits in your relationship

(6 Posts)
inchoccyheaven Fri 10-Jun-16 16:06:23

My DP and I have been together 2 1/2 years and best friends for about 8 years.Most of the time everything feels perfect and we hate being apart, which due to current circumstances we have to be but are planning on buying a house together in the next 6/12 months.
However I sometimes find it difficult to know how to deal with our differences in personalities and attitudes to things and wondered how others do it.
I like to feel in control of life as much as is possible and have plans and ideas of how to achieve them. DP is very laid back and admits can be lazy and takes the easiest option and doesn't let much bother her and has it will happen when it happens attitude.
On the positive side when we are together it just seems to balance out and I have tried so many new things since we have been together, but then I get niggles about her laidbackness that make me worry I won't cope for long term future. I am crazy about her and can't imagine us not being together, i just need to know how to not stress about our differences.

ZestyMaximus Fri 10-Jun-16 16:43:58

Bumping for you as I'm interested in hearing people's experiences with this too.

salsamad Fri 10-Jun-16 17:11:41

My DH and I have very different personalities - when we first met he said he thought we were like chalk and cheese. I am an ultra organised, feisty, easily stressed, plan everything in advance, do it yesterday kind of person. My DH is calm, easy going and very laid back - though he isn't lazy. He sits on the fence whereas I make decisions.
However we make a very good team, we are very compatible in other areas grin, we are honest with each other and talk/share a lot. When it has come to life decisions we have always wanted the same things re a family, house moves etc. Our differences have led to many disagreements huge arguments over the years but I love him so much and we always work things out together and try to reach a compromise.
We have been married for nearly 21 years so it works for us smile.

RiceCrispieTreats Fri 10-Jun-16 17:21:54

Rejoice that you have complementary talents to rely on in each other, as there are times when her personality traits will make up for your own shortcomings, and vice versa.

And then there will be time when her personality will feel like a fucking liability, and vice versa. You'll just have to breathe through those, if you truly respect and care for each other, and remember that what makes her great at times is exactly what makes her unbearable at others.

And obviously play to your respective strengths in how you organise your life: have each of you take on the responsibilites that you're more naturally good at.

RedMapleLeaf Fri 10-Jun-16 17:23:29

Interesting questions OP. I think that some of differences are assets to the relationship and that it's important to recognise that everything has a good and a bad side to it. I don't believe that anything is totally good or totally bad.

More than personality differences, do you share similar values?

inchoccyheaven Fri 10-Jun-16 19:12:52

Salsamad that sounds very similar to us. I think I panic about our differences and overthink them, whereas she thinks it will work out in the end, which it generally does, although I feel as if I am asking her to change herself for me rather than me learning to accept the differences.
Eg I like things fairly tidy but definitely not show home, whereas she is happy to live in absolute mess. She will spend what she has and not really save for future whereas i am opposite. At the moment although it bugs me I have to accept while we are not living together its not my business, but when we do I don't want to be the "disapproving" one and make her feel as if she has to change because of me.
We talk/ text all the time about stuff and when we are physically together we just fit so well that nothing is an issue.

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