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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DP didn't tell me he'd book a holiday. Am I over reacting?

38 replies

Bamboo13 · 09/06/2016 19:39

DP and I have been together 18 months. We live separately with our own dc. Last year we went on holiday separately and decided we would do the same this year with our own dc (and maybe somewhere else together). We've both had quite a lot on so it was only yesterday that I mentioned something that I going to book for ds and I. I then asked what he was going to do and he said he'd already booked a week away early August. I'm fine with him going away as that's what is expected but I realised he had booked it 2 months ago and he had said nothing. He doesn't think there is anything wrong with not telling me. I'm just upset that for something quite significant he said nothing. What do you think?

OP posts:

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louisejxxx · 09/06/2016 19:41

Yabu if he forgot to mention it, yanbu if he was trying to hide it for some reason.

Bamboo13 · 09/06/2016 19:45

It's just strange as I actually remember me mentioning a few weeks ago about me booking a holiday and he said nothing. It was only when I asked him what he was doing that he said. Actually, I've just not got a good feeling about this. Something tells me it's not right. I usually a fairly reasonable, understanding and placid person but actually I feel fairly disappointed at the moment.

OP posts:

TheNIghtManagersWife · 09/06/2016 19:50

Hmm. It's not an outright lie but more like a lie by omission. My ExH used to do this all of the time, and whilst I don't want to project my own issues onto yours, it was something I found very unsettling and always had me on edge wondering what else he cba to mention. It's not good.

Pinkheart5915 · 09/06/2016 19:51

Yabu and over reacting

IthinkIamsinking · 09/06/2016 20:09

YABU and a bit silly about it all.
I am struggling to see the problem here.

DeathStare · 09/06/2016 20:23

You are completely over-reacting. It's not like he hid it. And you'd both already agreed that this is what would happen. He just didn't think to mention that he'd actually booked it

NerrSnerr · 09/06/2016 20:24

It's what you agreed and he did it. I don't sea what the problem is?

jillyarmeen16 · 09/06/2016 20:27

I don't think you're over reacting at all. It's a lie by omission and for what reason?
I booked a holiday last week, I couldn't wait to tell my family and friends about it, seems strange that he wouldn't mention it to the most important person in his life

CassandraAusten · 09/06/2016 20:29

This is a tricky one. It does seem weird, but he hasn't done anything wrong exactly. Maybe he just genuinely didn't think to mention it?

SirChenjin · 09/06/2016 20:32

I don't think you are over-reacting at all. You'very been together for a reasonable amount of time - it's an odd thing to keep quiet about. Presumably you tell each other about the other major things that are going on in your lives?

tigermoll · 10/06/2016 08:27

If it really is just this one incident that's making you unsettled, then I think YABU. You both previously discussed holidays, agreed to go separately, and as a result, he went ahead and booked his holiday without requiring any further input/permission from you. He didn't feel the need to bring it up again, until you asked a direct question, at which point he told you the truth. What's the problem?

Is there more to it than you're saying, OP? Cos it might be the case that you've been feeling uneasy for a while, and this is the first concrete thing you can hang that on. If so, maybe you should tell us a few of the "silly" things that have been bothering you, but seem too petty to bring up?

TheNaze73 · 10/06/2016 08:28

YABU. Sounds like an overreaction

GarlicSteak · 10/06/2016 08:37

I remember mentioning a few weeks ago about me booking a holiday and he said nothing.

This is what makes it odd. He'd already booked his by then so, at the point where you mentioned it, he made a choice not to tell you.

Yes, it's minor in the greater schemes but why are you feeling "not right" about it? I wonder whether there are other small things that leave you feeling excluded from his life.

GarlicSteak · 10/06/2016 08:37

greater scheme of things

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 10/06/2016 08:37

I'm with the majority. It's an overreaction bearing in mind you don't live together.

BolshierAryaStark · 10/06/2016 09:39

Unless there's something else going on here this is an overreaction on your part, he didn't mention it, so what?

Joysmum · 10/06/2016 09:47

He probably thought he had mentioned it, hense no need to do so again when you told him you'd booked yours.

Only1scoop · 10/06/2016 09:50

I'd find it a bit strange if DP hadn't told me he had booked a holiday.

Sounds like he's had plenty of time and triggers to tell you.

Olddear · 10/06/2016 11:10

I don't think it's an over reaction. I'd feel uneasy that my partner of 18m didn't tell he'd arranged a holiday, particuarly when you mentioned holidays in recent conversation and he would then have had ample opportunity to mention it.
Yes, it is odd in my opinion. Don't have any explanation for it but definitely sound strange to me.

SandyY2K · 10/06/2016 11:18

I can't see why he couldn't have simply said "I've booked a holiday for me and DC. ...we're going to Hawai on 2nd of August"

If nothing you could have chosen to book your holiday at the same time, to maintain time together when you're home.

On it's own I'd let it pass, but watch and observe other such behaviour.

Dowser · 10/06/2016 11:35

I'd find that odd too.

I'd be keeping a watchful eye. If you've got nothing to hide...why hide it?

Thingvellir · 10/06/2016 12:11

I find it strange not to mention this to a partner of 18 months standing. Not least so you can coordinate diaries. Do you usually talk about things happening in your lives with each other?

I'm too excited when I've booked a holiday not to mention it to anyone who'll listen!

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pinkdelight · 10/06/2016 12:24

A watchful eye for what? You agreed to book separate holidays. He booked one. It's still a couple of months away so why would he need to flag it up? Another one failing to see what the big (or even small) deal here is.

GeorgeTheThird · 10/06/2016 12:27

Based on what you have said you are overreacting. But your gut is telling you something and I would think about what, if I were in your position.

TheNaze73 · 10/06/2016 12:31

If this was reversed & my partner had a pop about this, after what had been discussed, I'd thought they'd lost the plot. pink is right. Suspicion for what?? I can't understand how people can go about being super sleuths & on their guard all the time. If you don't trust him, end it. If you do trust him, why is this an issue????

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