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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Fed up....

11 replies

Rachelhampton29 · 09/06/2016 09:17

My dh works nights and I work days, I told him before he took the job that I didn't think it was the right but he went ahead with it anyways as he claimed he would see us all more. I haven't seen him for 5 days now. It's the same every week. I obviously see him in the morning for 10 mins when I wake him up to look after lo before I go to work. We rarely sleep together and I have a big sex drive, it really annoys me. But he's ok as I know he watches porn when I'm at work. I can't see a future living like this, I feel like I'm single! I literally come in from work put the lo's to bed and go to bed myself as I'm completely alone and bored. I know he loves his job and won't ever leave it and I can't change my job as we have lo's and no one to look after them during the night (but lots of relatives to look after during the day) i just feel so lonely and slightly frustrated. Am I being unreasonable?

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ImperialBlether · 09/06/2016 09:26

No, of course not. Does it solve any childcare issues? There doesn't seem much point in being married if you never see each other!

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Cheezewhizz · 09/06/2016 09:57

I also wonder what the point of having a husband you never see is. I couldn't live like that.

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Rachelhampton29 · 09/06/2016 18:09

No I have plenty of childcare, it's just pointless. I feel like I'm alone constantly and there's no point.

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Jan45 · 09/06/2016 18:12

A relationship takes effort at times and sometimes grand gestures, where are his, sorry OP but I'd not stand for this either, especially when he is using porn cos he can't be arsed to show you any affection and intimacy, is he not worried about the state of your relationship?

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Rachelhampton29 · 09/06/2016 18:27

I think he is worried, I think that's why he pretends. He knows I hate porn. I would be more forgiving If we actually had sex. It's just awkward. I've told him our marriage is near the end

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Jan45 · 09/06/2016 18:29

Sorry but until he ditches the porn and actually invests in you then I don't see things getting better.

Can you not arrange a night out ever, what about his days off?

Bloody porn again, sick of hearing about it.

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Rachelhampton29 · 09/06/2016 18:31

He has ditched it many times but it creeps back up. He can't do without it. No we have no one who can have them overnight just once in a while. Even then, I doubt sex would last more than 10 mins even if we were alone. Lo's are both in bed by 8 and sleep all night too.

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Jan45 · 09/06/2016 18:33

He can't do without it - fucks sake, is he 16 years old, seriously for that alone I'd bin him, that's just horrible.

He will have to change jobs then if he actually wants a relationship cos this one sound absolute crap!

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Rachelhampton29 · 09/06/2016 18:37

Honestly it's pathetic isn't it? He is 38 years old, lied about it all the way through our relationship. He clearly has a problem.

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Jan45 · 09/06/2016 18:39

Well his problem does not have to be your problem, sorry but I am one of those who actually detest the porn industry and no I am not frigid and yes I enjoy a healthy sex life - I couldn't be with a man that did this especially to the extent he can't do without it, it sounds like he has replaced you with porn, how insulting is that - seriously OP, would you not be better out of it?

Is he not worried you will get swept away by another man, if not, why not, sorry but not good enough, you should be his priority not big tits Barbara!

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Rachelhampton29 · 09/06/2016 19:52

He knows how trust worthy I am, I wouldn't dream of getting my head turned by another man but I can't think of my life with him. Unfortunately this has been going downhill for a while. He won't admit his problem and as you say it's really not my problem and I want nothing to do with it. It's funny because he isn't really adventurous when it comes to sex but most of this he watches is pretty out there.