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Flogging a dead horse??

(14 Posts)
Sunshiny123 Wed 08-Jun-16 23:26:05

I've been having a long term flirtation with a work colleague, now stuck for next move (which is possibly to admit defeat!)

Him - 35 unmarried (as he's oh so keen to point out) has GF, non cohabiting, no kids. Bit of a high flyer/married to job type. Current relationship has 'no future' (so he says)

Me - 40, one DS, non high flyer, on shelf.

For two years now there has definitely been 'something' there. But I can't help thinking if he was ever going to make a move he would have done so by now? He's asked if I feel ready for a new relationship (yes!!!). What qualities I like in a man, where I'd like to live.. Surely this is interest isn't it!!? To be fair though I do only see him every couple of months as we work in different offices.

He sends flirty texts, mildly inappropriate emails but never an 'ask out'.

I fear my last idea to give him a nudge in the right direction may have backfired as I mentioned casually that I had started seeing someone. However Mr Fantasy ended up sounding George Clooney's better looking brother.

So now I'm stuck, he has sent a message wishing me luck with my new man and I'm kicking myself for lying but then remembering he does have a (real!) GF, so maybe just after the ego boost of a frisson with someone else?

Any wise words??!

AnyFucker Wed 08-Jun-16 23:27:53

You "remembered" he has a GF ?

Was that before or after the lobotomy ?

Somerville Wed 08-Jun-16 23:39:53

He's just not that into you. He's known you for 2 years and not ended his current relationship.

Even if he now does finish with his girlfriend (he won't) - would you really want him? With a history of stringing along showing interest in other women while in a LTR?

Resilience16 Wed 08-Jun-16 23:58:00

If he wanted to be with you he would have made a move by now. You are just a flirtation that makes his day a bit more interesting. Poor girlfriend, wonder how she would feel about all this.
Sorry but if you are ready for a new relationship go look for someone who is not already taken. This one will come back and bite you on the arse.

LellyMcKelly Thu 09-Jun-16 00:24:41

Yep. Been there, done that. If he wanted to be with you he'd be with you. No question.

nellynoodles Thu 09-Jun-16 00:31:04

He has a girlfriend whether you deem it serious or not back off. You're obviously not a nice person hmm

Myusernameismyusername Thu 09-Jun-16 00:38:43

He's just flirting with you. For fun. He's not serious

PPie10 Thu 09-Jun-16 06:17:41

You are 40 but seem very immature. He has a girlfriend! This has been going on for two years and you are behaving desperate for a man.

LadyStarkOfWinterfell Thu 09-Jun-16 06:33:46

Get over it! It's just a mild flirtation. He has a girlfriend and he's not interested in you. Grow up.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 09-Jun-16 06:40:06

Current relationship has 'no future' (so he says)

I wonder if his gf knows that the relationship of at least 2 years' duration she's had with this arrogant tosser man has no future?

For two years now there has definitely been 'something' there In your head maybe, but for him you're just one of a number of women he uses to boost his ego until he gets off with a hot babe who's 15 years younger than he is, or a same age woman who's more than his equal in status and earning power.

FFS stop deluding yourself and start searching for Mr Clooney's better looking brother outside of the workplace.

EverFallenInLoveWithSomeone Thu 09-Jun-16 06:57:23

I'm not going to shoot you down for enjoying a flirtation with a man you find attractive. You get harsh responses on here because many women are aware it could be their husband/partner/boyfriend with whom you are flirting. But also because many women are permanently frustrated by how badly men treat women, and by how women are brought up to think so little of themselves. Which means that many women are flattered by this rather than thinking the man should just fuck off.

The problem is that you are in an unequal situation because he is in a relationship and you are not. He's really not playing ball by saying that there is no future with his girlfriend. If that is the case, he should end it and let her find someone with whom there could be a future. And because you are single, you are reading more into the 'flirtation' with him than he intends you to.

After 2 years, this is not going to become anything else.

Cabrinha Thu 09-Jun-16 07:23:06

Yeah. Stopped reading at him having a girlfriend hmm

Cabrinha Thu 09-Jun-16 07:24:16

He's not interested in you anyway though.

Truckwell Thu 09-Jun-16 07:56:48

Posters will be harsh with you because he has a girlfriend but you will also find plenty of posts on MN about happy relationships that started when one or both people were in an unhappy relationship with someone else. So i don't think you should be knocked for having a mild flirtation with a bloke who doesn't live with his GF, no children involved and he has told you it's going no where.

However, I have a colleague who makes a habit of befriending single woman, having flirty interactions, and telling them how little he has in common with his DP anymore. At least 2 of these women have made a move on him (which i do think is overstepping the mark), to which his response has been 'sorry you misread my signals, etc etc'. I think he does it for the ego boost.

As he hasn't made a move in 2 years I'd say that you aren't the next love of his life. Instead he's either consciously or unconsciously playing you and you should step away from him.

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