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(39 Posts)
KitchenNightmare99 Wed 08-Jun-16 13:01:07

I have caught my DH out on a lie not a massive one but one that has shook me enough.

I was away with friends overnight two months ago that day I heard from
DH sporadically he told me he was in house chilling. I tried to ring him a few times and no answer. My mum had DC as she had an activity she was bringing her too but I assumed DH would collect her later he didn't. When I got home I asked him what he had done he said nothing had spent day n house alone enjoying the peace and quiet. I just knew something didn't add up.

He has been quiet recently and we have been arguing. Last night I looked at his phone and there was nothing suspicious. I decided to look at his locations and seen that the day I was away he was in a seaside town about two hours from us. I confronted him and he said he just went a drive and didn't tell me because he knew I'd jump to conclusions. We had a long talk and he said about us arguing is making him unhappy etc and we did seem to get somewhere but this lie doesn't sit right with me.

In terms of OW there was nothing on his phone he is always with us if not in work. He doesn't go out on his own but I don't know why lie. Any views on this?

Arfarfanarf Wed 08-Jun-16 13:11:41

people always lie for a reason. They lie because they prefer that to you knowing the truth. To state the obvious.

if he just went for a drive what on earth would make him think that you would jump to conclusions? (I assume the 'conclusion' is him ball deep in some other woman) Why would that be uppermost in his mind? Has it happened before? To me, the reason he gave for lying is the most suspicious thing.

It's possible he felt guilty for having a day out. It's possible he left and changed his mind hours later. It's possible he hooked up with someone. It's possible he thought you'd have a go at him for buggering off without you or putting on your mum. It's possible you have a history of wrongly accusing him of cheating and he hoped to have some time away while avoiding that. It's possible he's not always at work when he says he's at work. There are too many possibilities to be able to say what is going on.

Does his quietness and tendency to argue pre-date him taking off to the seaside for the day or has it started after that?

TheNaze73 Wed 08-Jun-16 13:16:10

Sounds proper dodgy to me. Sorry

KitchenNightmare99 Wed 08-Jun-16 13:19:27

It started just after he came home from a stag a few weeks before. It's just weird to me. As far as I know he hasn't cheated before and hasn't gave me reason to think he has. But my gut is telling me something isn't adding up. I studied his phone for two hours last night trying to find anything but It's easy for him to delete. I suppose

Arfarfanarf Wed 08-Jun-16 13:21:28

changed behaviour after a stag do? Hard not to think he has a guilty conscience tbh.

perhaps he acted inappropriately on the stag do?

EarthboundMisfit Wed 08-Jun-16 13:24:50

His reason makes no sense at all unless he had reason to believe you wouldn't want him going for a drive.

KitchenNightmare99 Wed 08-Jun-16 13:24:59

that has crossed my mind....

OneTwoOneTwoThreeFour Wed 08-Jun-16 14:01:55

Are you sure it was a stag, not a weekend away with someone else?

It all sounds very dodgy to me.

OneTwoOneTwoThreeFour Wed 08-Jun-16 14:02:33

I am sorry to say that, it's not a nice situation. 💐

KitchenNightmare99 Wed 08-Jun-16 14:07:33

Definatley a stag we were at the wedding just after it where the stags dad sand my DH praises about how great a guy he was. The grooms dad went to 'babysit' the groom as he is not good with drink and my DH was the only sensible one according to the dad

KitchenNightmare99 Wed 08-Jun-16 14:08:25

I know it's all doesn't add up but I just can't figure out how I'm gonna find out the truth I don't believe his reason but I can't find anything else incriminating

OneTwoOneTwoThreeFour Wed 08-Jun-16 14:12:37

Could it be someone from work? Bide your time and it will all come out.

And think about what you would do if it does turn out to be an affair.

AnyFucker Wed 08-Jun-16 14:15:06

Was the stag do based close to where he lied about visiting when you were away ?

KitchenNightmare99 Wed 08-Jun-16 14:18:36

No the stag was in Spain

KitchenNightmare99 Wed 08-Jun-16 14:19:57

I don't know there is a girl in work I got a bit worried about no reason really just her name coming up a bit more but messages and call list don't show anything inappropriate just work stuff

OneTwoOneTwoThreeFour Wed 08-Jun-16 14:35:01

There's your answer, I reckon.

crayfish Wed 08-Jun-16 14:50:09

It doesn't sound great to be honest. Has he got form for this kind of thing? Are you usually jealous/paranoid? Just wondering why he would think you would jump to 'conclusions'?

Deleting stuff off a phone is easy peasy. Can you access his actual phone bill?

LineyReborn Wed 08-Jun-16 14:58:34

The first time my ExH cheated on me that I know of, it was with a younger woman from work, during the day, at a Travel Lodge. For his part it took (a) organisation, and (b) lies.

It was his 'off' behaviour afterwards that was the giveaway. He minimised it for weeks.

I'm sorry if this is happening to you. It's crap.

KitchenNightmare99 Wed 08-Jun-16 15:12:50

Ok so on his phone bill no calls or texts made that day except the few to me. I spoke to him again and he has said he needed to clear his head that day we have been fighting loads (which is true) he is unhappy with work and us. He loves me but feels we don't get on...again true sad I've asked him does he want to break up he doesn't he is just 'fed up'

SandyY2K Wed 08-Jun-16 15:21:57

He could have used a messaging app. That won't show up on the phone bill.

Have you tried to resolve all the arguing? Try taking time out to get to the bottom of what's making you both unhappy in a calm non accusatory manner on both sides.

OneTwoOneTwoThreeFour Wed 08-Jun-16 15:27:33

He wouldn't have needed to call or text someone he was with...

Anyway, sounds like you are concerned about your relationship anyway- have you thought about counselling? For you, I mean, rather than couples.

crayfish Wed 08-Jun-16 15:31:10

Good point. Whatsapp doesn't show on a bill I think.

His explanation makes more sense I suppose but it's the 'conclusions' but that bothers me.

picklypopcorn Wed 08-Jun-16 15:49:58

Prostitute I reckon, seaside town, unhappy marriage, no calls.

picklypopcorn Wed 08-Jun-16 15:50:11

Also, could he have a secret phone?

MissBianca Wed 08-Jun-16 16:02:39

More likely pre arranged trip to seaside with ow.

It's rubbish, OP, even worrying like this

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