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Am I getting used or will he come back ?

(25 Posts)
xxatu Wed 08-Jun-16 12:39:54

Ok so for those who hadn't read my last thread about trying to get my ex to do 50/50 basically we were buying a house together, 2 days before the sign date he said he didn't love me anymore and just left (he works away so just went there). I was very heartbroken (this was 6 weeks ago now), but tried to just get on with life without him. 5 out of the 6 weekends he came to get our daughter we had sex, but he left after each time and I just felt used.

Fastward to last week and he agreed to 50/50. Meaning looking for a new job here and moving back. So on the Friday we agreed to get a drink and discuss the arrangements on what would work best... ended up getting completely drunk. He cried in the bar about how rubbish his life was hmm and so on. I held back on comforting him, because after all this guy has practically ignored me for the past month and broke my heart. We moved on to another bar and literally danced the night away. He had never seen this version of me (I actually don't drink normally, but my friends have been getting me out of the house). We were dancing together, having dance off with other people, and just generally having a good time. He then came back to mine, and I just put him on my sofa in my room.

In the morning our daughter came in and seemed a bit wary like who the hecks on the sofa haha, so i went other to him and asked him to either get up or go get into bed, he said are you getting in it too? I did and we just cuddled confused. Fell back to sleep and his alarm went off, he didn't wake up so I got up to turn it off and noticed he had a message of a girl I always had doubts about. I made a sarcy comment whilst tossing his phone on to the bed like 'oh yea btw your whores text you' grin He got up we had a little argument he did the I knew i shouldn't have come (What I expected him to say as that what he said after each time). He went in to the bathroom and came back half hour later and just got into bed cuddled me and said 'you're such a plum' hmm.

I assumed he would then take our daughter back to his for the rest of the weekend but he didn't. He just stayed and didn't even mention leaving, we just acted like a family, went out for lunch etc confused and that night him and I got a Chinese.
So on the Sunday i told him I had sorted all his things out. Amongst everything was a whole load of photos and an embarrassing memory book of us I had made. I suggested we just got rid, but he got very defensive saying no he wanted to keep them because it is memories. hmm
So before he left I thought I would bring up the why don't we work this out speech and got shut down and told he needs time.
Then on the way home he sent me a text about a car and used the word 'us'.

The Monday he just ignored me as I poured my heart out. And the Tuesday I was where he works and asked if he would like to see our daughter and he said yes. Once he left he text me saying 'sorry'. I replied with ' I know you want to work it out, you would say otherwise.'
He said 'Im just so confused'

We are supposed to be going to a music festival together tomorrow till Sunday and he's very adamant we still go together but that it won't be good for me? Do I go with him as a 'friend' and show him how fun I really am in hope that he misses that or should I just give up and stop playing these games?

* He also ordered 'a little bag of happiness' from On the Saturday he was with me. I noticed it in the emails, probably stupid to hope it's for me.

Cabrinha Wed 08-Jun-16 13:04:59

Just how much do you want to cheapen yourself?

What the fuck has happened in your life that you think this is a good idea?

Cabrinha Wed 08-Jun-16 13:07:28

Was it a mistype to add grin after your whore comment?

You weren't clever with that comment love, you were desperate, making jokes about a man you are letting use you, having sex with someone else. You are worth more than that.

Look, I can see your desperate and hurt. But letting him use you for sex is not going to help you at all.

Cabrinha Wed 08-Jun-16 13:08:57

Your poor daughter won't know what the hell is going on. Forget him, concentrate on her.

Create your OWN happiness love. Don't hope some shit will buy some shit thing off the internet instead.

loobyloo1234 Wed 08-Jun-16 13:10:55

OMG OP ... wake up. What are you doing? He is having his cake and eating every damn slice confused

molyholy Wed 08-Jun-16 13:14:48

You are his plaything. Please don't allow your daughter to see you being used like this. It will normalise things. You deserve to be happy and while he is on the scene, you will be paranoid, second guessing and analysing every conversation, upset when he blows cold.

Why do you think it is okay to be treated like this?

Costacoffeeplease Wed 08-Jun-16 13:15:26

Why would you even want him back? He's using you as his fall-back if it doesn't work out with anyone else.

Don't let him make the decisions, while you wait around like a lovesick teenager - stop seeing him, stop sleeping with him, and just email to arrange contact

niceupthedance Wed 08-Jun-16 13:18:32

He is using you for sex, sorry.

If he wanted to work it out he would say "I think we should try again" not give you bs excuses.

SandyY2K Wed 08-Jun-16 13:20:19

Why are you accepting this?

He said he didn't love you and left - why did you sleep with him after that?

Sort out formal visitation and child support.

Keep going out with your friends and enjoy yourself.

Stop having sex with him

hownottofuckup Wed 08-Jun-16 13:23:41

He's using you and keeping his options open.
Take control of your own life, have some self respect and boundaries or you're going to ended up worthless to him and more importantly you
All said from bitter experience

Just5minswithDacre Wed 08-Jun-16 13:26:19

It sounds like a lot of drama and hassle.

How old are you both?

Cheapthrills Wed 08-Jun-16 13:35:25

Why are you asking him to buy a car for you? Surely under the circumstances that's setting yourself up for humiliation. He has already told you he doesn't love you.

Arfarfanarf Wed 08-Jun-16 13:40:50

Yes. He is using you and will continue to do so for as long as you let him.

LyndaNotLinda Wed 08-Jun-16 13:40:53

Yes you're getting used. Yes he will be back. For a fuck.

He doesn't want a relationship with you.

Find your self-respect and kick him to the kerb

tipsytrifle Wed 08-Jun-16 13:47:12

Are you seriously going to a music festival with him? Staying in the same tent too? This is beyond confusion, clinging on to a person who has declared, vaguely, that it's all over bar another shag or two. I wish you'd wake up and get a grip of your independent spirit.

Don't share yourself so readily; don't be in everyday talk/text/out clubbing with him. He walked out on your house deal, he walked out on you and your child. Please consider these as viable options to own instead of this imminently disastrous mess that is forming around you.

xxatu Wed 08-Jun-16 14:15:27

Oh wow, probably should have prepared myself for those responses haha!

I just don't think I can let go of him, we have been through so much together. And i know he suffers with bipolar and depression. All of his friends and our friends have said he still wants you, he's getting jealous and insecure whenever a guy even comments on a post. When he knows I'm out he texts me constantly.

I just feel like we've had time apart then because he actually spent time with me for the whole weekend he's questioning whether he made the right decision. It just felt right.

If its not already obvious i do want him back, i do want our family. And i probably will end up hurt. He is my best friend.

The car comment about was a bit of banter- however previous weeks he would of never even sent a car (that i wanted and he knew) or used the term us.

We're camping with a whole load of 'our' friends (i know them through him), but he hasn't mentioned anything about his own tent. I bought the tickets for him for his birthday and we did plan on taking our daughter on the Sunday, like we do every year.

Arfarfanarf Wed 08-Jun-16 14:20:25

It's your choice. You asked what we thought and we told you. If you want to carry on you have the absolute right to do so.
Just dont complain if he carries on treating you the way he is cos that's what you're signing up for.

Doesnt mean you cant sign up for it if out of all the options available to you, thats what you want.

xxatu Wed 08-Jun-16 14:36:19

Well, i did expect a few like it. I just sort of hoped someone had been in the situation and got them back.
Im going to let go, i think I took at 50 steps back this weekend. sad

SandyY2K Wed 08-Jun-16 14:37:12

Carry on being used then.

When a man says he doesn't love you and you're happy to still have sex with him, then prepare yourself to be hurt or try and detach and view it as getting your needs met.

Fasten your seat belt and prepare for more heartbreak. Bipolar or not, I don't tolerate being messed around like that - but you obviously don't mind and it's your life.

This is why kids end up confused and go on to be dysfunctional. Dad here one minute - gone the next - then on the couch.

Good luck to you.

Cabrinha Wed 08-Jun-16 16:03:23

You've taken 50 steps back every time you've had sex with him lovey.

You want him to have realised on your night out dancing how fab and special you are. Well, he had 5 weekend fucks to realise that, didn't he?

And he's shuts you down when you try to talk to him.

And he doesn't step and care for his own daughter.

And he is texting another woman.

You really are worth more than that.

Cabrinha Wed 08-Jun-16 16:04:32

Oh and don't even banter about getting him to buy you a car.
You want a car, then work, save, and buy your own car.
You don't need some headfuck ex to buy you a car girl!

Cabrinha Wed 08-Jun-16 16:05:22

Oh and by the way...
Yeah, sometimes they come back.
And a lot of time their girlfriends post on here broken hearted "I shouldn't have taken him back last time".

JuliannalovesCliveBixby Wed 08-Jun-16 16:11:02

You both seem very young. Have some self respect and dump this tosser. Imagine your daughter was with someone the same!

Jan45 Wed 08-Jun-16 16:11:49

Bloody hell, are you really that low in confidence that you are letting another human treat you like crap - worst still, all the posts and yet you are still going to cling on, he clearly left you for OW and is still seeing OW, he sees you because you make it obvious he can have sex with you regardless of how he treats you as another human being, only you can change your mind set.

YouSay Wed 08-Jun-16 16:18:46

This is awful. He has told you it is over. You are flogging a dead horse. I cannot believe you would degrade yourself like this. It is over. You deserve better. Move on. You are desperately looking for signs that he wants to be with you whilst ignoring the very large flashing sign in front of your face.

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