Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Worried about breaking up(10 Posts)
Think this is the right place to post
Basically me and boyfriend have been together 7 yrs have a 15 week old baby.
mil and sil both keep asking on at least 5 occasions in the last 3 weeks if I'm giving my little boy pop/juice/fizzy drinks when he's older. (Don't no how many times Iv explained myself to them) I'm an oral health educator so think it's pretty obvious I'm not going to let my son have these as his main drinks and as the odd treat only going out for tea parties days out kinda thing. Anyway this is what I want to do and Iv been as nice as I can explaining this to both mil and sil. Tbh mainly sil who's only 20 and works in a nursery herself. It's getting to the point where it's chipping away at me and starting to really come between me and my DP. He's a worrier over his mam and sis and extremely protective over them. He has said in the past he'l support what I want for our baby. But will he hell take on board how they're making me feel with the constant digs and questioning. He's more worried about them being upset. Iv tried pointing out why do they keep going on about it and quizzing me and also recently the Qs are about how long I'm gunna wait until weaning etc and screwed there face up at my answer. He thinks I'm being silly and has said if "I" don't stop this he will have to leave me because he can't keep hearing the same crap every week. It's not me bringing things up its them! I feel totally unsupported and un loved. And feel like I'm 3rd on his list of priorities now. At the same time I don't want to split and it's breaking my heart thinking about my baby in this. Im soooo angry and just feel like kicking off and telling him to grow some balls cos he's got his own little family now.
I'm aware we need his mil for childcare one day a week but surely that doesn't mean that gives them the right to ignore what I want for my child.
Why do you keep re-explaining it?
Why aren't you just saying cheerily "not changed since last time you asked!"
They no doubt think you're unrealistic, but your choice is valid and you can do it. (my 7yo never has fizzy, rarely juice - only water or squash and until she was about 4, only water and milk except for birthday parties)
You're clearly going to have a different style to them. Be prepared to let that go a bit if you need childcare from MIL though! Or start thinking now how you're going yo manage without her.
They will definitely give him fizzy pop if they babysit. You're going to have to make your peace with that or not ask for childcare.
Well they spoiling things for themselves as well then by doing that. I'm not totally delusional that grandparents don't give extra treats but they'll be the ones taking my child to see him get injections in his poor little mouth due to fizzy drinks and sweets after sweets being put on him!
I do my utmost to involve them in all the nice things etc. I'm nothing but nice to them. I bite my tongue. Sil making comments like "do you show him what toys your buying him before hand so he can pick which one he likes cos you can see there's some toys he's not bothered about". I mean ffs he's 15 weeks old. Things like telling me I should be worried about leaving him with the cm because he won't settle. Not what i need to hear really. And tbh it's them who he doesn't settle for. Yeah I'm irritated and feel sufforcated by the constant remarks and Qs. And I want my partners support how can he not care what I feel like? He's all for them. But I did ask for advice and by the sounds of it I have to let them carry on and do what they want if I need a days childcare ha. Thank you for replies 😁
How do they keep getting access to you to question you like this?
Cut them out.
And stop being nice.
Any question - My baby and I decide.
End of conversation.
Don't answer their questions. Repeat - My baby and I decide.
I agree with hellsbells you need to stop being nice about this. Be blunt and don't offer any more explanations. You do NOT have to explain yourself to these women.
Your choices in how you raise your baby are exactly that YOUR CHOICES, not theirs and if they don't like it then tough.
And speak to your partner, explain, VERY CALMLY, that you are tired of the questions and it's wearing you down and you want them to stop because it's insulting and it undermines you as a parent and you can do without the judgemental attitudes. I would also say, even if it isn't true, that you don't think they are doing it on purpose, but that you would like it to stop. Ask how he would feel if someone was constantly critical of how he did his job and the decisions and choices he made. Ask him to talk to them and if he doesn't then make it clear that you will.
Be nice about it when asking, but don't take any more of it from them.
Sadly they are probably not going to change much in their opinions, but sio long as you don't have to listen to them anymore.
Tbh mainly sil who's only 20 and works in a nursery herself.
I meant to ask - is your sister in law qualified? And does she have kids herself?
I ask because, no matter what profession you work in, some people get over zealous about what they think they know and often don't really know enough or have enough experience to understand the practicalities.
Your bf saying he will have to leave you over silly spats with a very stupid sounding SIL is plain weird. Unless you are going over and over and over each remark and constantly asking him to take sides.
You have to grow a thicker skin. Think up some stock replies to these daft questions and use them. Question why she is upsetting you so very much when she's clearly talking
out of her arse rubbish?
How much time are you spending with these people? Is there a much longer back story and this is a new form of winding you up? Having a new baby is a great time to meet new people and establish new routines. Reduce time with them and enjoy your baby.
And tell your bf in no uncertain terms that he never says that again unless he wants some help with packing.
Join the discussion
Please login first.