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How do I end it

(7 Posts)
teaDrinkers Tue 07-Jun-16 18:00:59

I just need out!

I've been with my partner for 7 years, we own a house together, run a business together, do everything together. This is the problem, I have no space!

He's controlling and I'm no longer in love with him. He is completely devoted to me though and still madly in love. It makes things so difficult!

I just want to pack my bags and leave but where would I go?! How would I tell my mum I've ended it? How would I afford to live on my own? How do I tell him it's over?!

I'm under no impression it's going to be easy, I just don't know where to start!

Resilience16 Tue 07-Jun-16 18:17:35

When you say he is controlling what do you mean? Untangling yourself from this relationship isn't likely to happen overnight but it is possible.
You need to get some advice, try CAB for legal advice 're separating and also advice 're which if any benefits you would be entitled to, and if your relationship is abusive speak to Women's Aid for practical advice and support.
Is the relationship definitely dead? Is there nothing worth salvaging? If you worked desperately and had some breathing space would things be better or is it definitely over for you?
Don't do anything in the heat if the moment, but if you really are unhappy and need to get out then take some advice and get your ducks in a row first.
Good luck x

Flatbellyfella Tue 07-Jun-16 18:27:37

Do you want out of the business too? It will be best to have a good honest chat & get everything out in one go, he may be upset, but it will not break him. It's not something you can drag out over a long period of time. flowers

frieda909 Tue 07-Jun-16 18:38:50

The practicalities of leaving can be such a daunting prospect, but you just have to try to keep in mind that all that upheaval is temporary and will all be worth it in the end. That fear kept me in a terrible relationship for far too long, but when I finally left it wasn't anywhere near as bad as I was dreading. After the big breakup conversation, I just took baby steps. I packed a bag and stayed with a friend for a few nights. Then I called my parents and broke the news. Then I had a friend come look at flats with me. Bit by bit I slowly got my life in order again. It's hard and scary but nothing is impossible!

teaDrinkers Tue 07-Jun-16 23:11:00

Thanks for all your advice!

Resilience he's controlling in the way I cannot go out with my girlfriends, even for coffee or to get our nails done without being guilt tripped.. Things like 'you spend too much time with them' etc he's worse with one of the friends but ultimately he makes me feel like shit for spending time with any of them! If I was to ever want to go on a night out without him (with the girls) he tries to bribe/blackmail me so I won't go - normally I just cancel my plans to save any aggro!

Thanks for letting my know about CAB, I'll have a look into them. The house it's probably the biggest thing stopping me going. I don't want to land him in the shit and force him to sell our house but equally i will not be giving him our home!!

Flatbelly our business is not something that really concerns me.. It's more of a hobby I guess. We both have full time jobs and this is just something we run on weekends. I could walk away and not want anything from it.

Thanks Frieda, I'm glad things worked out for you in the end


Resilience16 Wed 08-Jun-16 06:41:06

Hi Tea, that does sound very suffocating.It may be worth you reading up about Emotional Abuse as trying to isolate someone from family and friends is a classic red flag.
And if you are having to change your behaviour because you are worried about his response (sulks/guilt tripping etc) then that is a red flag of an unhealthy relationship too...
No wonder you want out.As Frieda says, you can do it if you take baby steps.Good luck !

hellsbellsmelons Wed 08-Jun-16 10:19:19

You tell people that he is emotionally abusing you.
Because he is.
That you can't take it any more and you are getting out to get your life back.
Could you stay with a friend or your mum in the interim?
Could you afford to rent a flat?
If so, start looking.
Get some legal advice as well regarding the house.
Find out how much equity it has.
And if he cannot buy you out then you will need to sell it and get your half.
He will profess undying love. I only do it because I love you etc.....
He will emotionally blackmail you into staying.
He will change!!..... blah blah blah
Don't be taken in by it.
Pack and go as soon as you can.

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