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Toxic friend shock syndrome

(27 Posts)
QueenofFatAsses Tue 07-Jun-16 12:31:57

Roll up, Roll up, tell me your toxic friend stories to make me feel better.

ALaughAMinute Tue 07-Jun-16 16:15:43

Why don't you tell us about your toxic friend?

As soon as I realise someone is toxic I get rid of them. Can't be doing with negative people!

Yoksha Tue 07-Jun-16 16:40:14

Yup. Me too. Learned the hard way. Can't be arsed dealing with the toxic feckers.

wobblywonderwoman Tue 07-Jun-16 16:43:05

Had one who put down everything I did. i tried to gently break away but letter through the door. phoning my mother and dh. texting. ringing. sobbing. ughhhh

ringing from a different number. two years on I can't take a call from a private number

Bananalanacake Tue 07-Jun-16 16:43:49

I'm too much of a wuss to tell them to bugger off, luckily mine moved away but I've only had the one.

RiceCrispieTreats Tue 07-Jun-16 16:44:17

I've had one User and a couple Backstabbers. All dumped. Mulled about it in silent fury for a little bit, then really enjoyed life without them.

Openmindedmonkey Tue 07-Jun-16 16:50:03

She sucked the energy out of me & the money from my purse. I went NC 4 years ago & feel clean now.

Openmindedmonkey Tue 07-Jun-16 16:51:16

*sapped or sucked but not sacked.

Cabrinha Tue 07-Jun-16 16:51:56

I noticed a woman was missing from a private face book group, and asked another member if she was OK, if she's left. Then we worked out she'd unfriended me (or blocked or whatever, I'm not a big fb expert!)

I wasn't the only one, and apparently there was a status update about getting rid of people who weren't real friends, and how no-one ever helped her, friends should really round because she was a single mum not working and with a disability.

Things I'd done in previous 6 months, that I can remember:
- helped paint her house
- mowed her lawn a few times
- bought her a lawn mower and been across town to collect it
- fuck knows how many lifts
- lent her a tenner a few times
- took her and her child on holiday for 4 days covering all costs
- babysat during 2 hospital appointments including lifts there and paying for parking
- loads of other stuff

I don't regret any of it, I did it because I wanted to help. I was well shot of her though, always whining people didn't do anything for her grin

IreallyKNOWiamright Wed 08-Jun-16 16:43:47

Users e.g you give time to them all the time.yet they are too busy when you need a shoulder.
I'm completely burnt out From 2 friendships like this and now I've got another one trying to take up my time but this time my eyes are aide open and I'm just ignoring the messages every day. 😣

TortoiseSmile Wed 08-Jun-16 17:41:48

The thing was - I knew fairly early on there was something wrong but kinda felt sorry for her (though she was fine!) and she could be fun when she wanted to. But soon I noticed her competitiveness, jealousy and emptiness, the lack of intellectual connection, always feeling guarded, the manipulation to do favours, always trying to get "information" ..... christ, on and on.

Foolishly, I allowed her to renew friendship again, although was still guarded. I really saw her nasty side then, and that was it for me. She still texts me "lets meet for coffee". I'm always busy, eventually she'll get the message.

TortoiseSmile Wed 08-Jun-16 17:44:18

Really related to Ricecrispie's way of putting it Mulled about it in silent fury for a little bit, then really enjoyed life without them Yay!

EarthboundMisfit Wed 08-Jun-16 18:09:38

I've had one massive user, who I kept in my life for far too long giving her the benefit of the doubt. Been lucky otherwise.

PurpleWithRed Wed 08-Jun-16 18:19:35

Someone who befriended me and considered me one of her best friends, but as she didn't listen to a word I said or show any interest in anyone but herself she failed to spot that I couldn't stand her. She constantly belittled her husband too, completely unfairly as he was lovely.

The kids used to laugh when she called, I would actually put the phone down and walk off then come back and go 'mmm' and she wouldn't notice.

She completely failed to pick up on the fact my now DH and I had started a relationship - it took no effort to hide it from her as she just wasn't interested in either of us.

Eventually I cut back on answering her calls, then stopped completely. I wobbled when her husband died and she called me, but everything about that call reminded me of why I couldn't have her in my life.

I still feel a bit guilty, but my life is so much easier without her in it.

Left Wed 08-Jun-16 19:02:23

I had one who would try and manipulate me into doing favours and was also quite patronising would chat for hours about herself. It was bizarre, looking back it's obvious how toxic she was but at the time I didn't realise. Scales fell from my eyes when I asked after one of her other friends and got told "she's not speaking to me but she'll soon come crawling back" suddenly loads of demeaning comments about others came to mind and realised she saw us all as beneath her. Cut contact and felt better for it.

BitchPeas Wed 08-Jun-16 19:11:52

I was young and naive, she fed me a sob story, I felt sorry for her and tried to help her. Everytime I had something happening in my life or was busy, she called up sobbing, embellishing the story more and more. She'd treat me terribly and insult me nastily then laugh it off like it was a joke and I just couldn't take it, then when I confronted her she sobbed and embellished some more. I fell for it for about 4 years, til I woke up, blocked her phone number and her on Facebook. Never felt better!

She did try to call me a few times off other numbers but I put the phone down when I realised it was her. Haven't heard from her for about 2 and a half years now. She's still the same I hear.

Roussette Wed 08-Jun-16 19:39:34

Oh yes. "Mine" consumed me body and soul with her problems/love life/lack of money. I'm quite giving and felt sorry for her so went along with it all... I treated her to a holiday, paid for everything, gave her lots of clothes, supported her endlessly. She suddenly decided to cut me dead (after endless communication day in day out) no idea why, I reasonably asked her what was going on. The email I had back was rude, nasty and dismissive. It was the very best thing she ever did! Because I wished her well and cut her out of my life for good. Nothing has changed so I've heard - she's still taking people for a ride - they'll learn.

onceuponadream2016 Wed 08-Jun-16 19:44:19

Still have mine, total mood Hoover! But she's backed off since I've had DD, I've grown up a lot and it makes it harder for her to put me down cake the problem is I'm desperately hanging on to what we "had" if that makes sense sad

magicstar1 Wed 08-Jun-16 19:45:42

Seriously? Roll up and tell me your toxic friend stories?

We might as well just email them direct to the Daily bloody Mail

TortoiseSmile Wed 08-Jun-16 19:50:36

I never thought of that, Magicstar OP hasn't added anything either since she started ...

TortoiseSmile Wed 08-Jun-16 19:53:21

I think I was tempted to add a post though because of the title "toxic friend syndrome". I think there is such a thing, and it can be quite disturbing. But, normally I am very wary of writing any identifying stories. But good to be reminded.

QueenofFatAsses Tue 21-Jun-16 13:59:46

sorry I Haven't posted since OP, I have been in the middle of the move.
Not Daily Fail fodder, just a bit stunned but the reaction of a long term friend.

She has been harder and harder to get on with for years, but I always defended to mutual friends and would attempt to mitigate her public put downs as bad jokes.

It was only when I called her on something that it all blew up in my face, she has no interest in my life but wants me to be there for her. It is sad because we have been friends for such a long time but I haven't really even though about her.

That was the real test, i don't even miss her friendship.

QueenofFatAsses Tue 21-Jun-16 14:01:10

I have had other ones over the years, i guess my biggest surprise was how i let this one slip through the net...

Drbint Tue 21-Jun-16 14:56:34

Yes, I had one. Put me down constantly, did the same in public, never contributed, massive user, messed me about, walked all over young and stupid me, slagged my DH.

Sent an hysterical email denying everything when I told her to fuck right off and begged me to still be friends. I told her no and 12 years on, I'm so fucking glad I did.

autumnleaves123 Tue 21-Jun-16 14:56:38

The worst for me was a narcissist who would constantly boast about how great her life was. She had had lots of problems with her family so she was always trying to elicit pity from people, and I did genuinely felt sorry for many things that had happened to her. But when something good happened, she became the centre of the world, she would not be interested in anybody but herself, so either you were sorry for her or you had to admire her greatness, there was no middle ground. I put up with a lot for years and years as we had a couple of friends in common.

The tipping point was when the Narc friend lied to me, paid a lot of money for our friend in common to attend her wedding in Sweden, and then both lied and said the “friend in common” paid all expenses herself. So basically, she fabricated a false story in which she’s got a “best friend”, who adores her and pays whatever is needed to see her at her wedding day. I didn’t want to attend her wedding because she never cared when I got married, and told me in very straight terms she was busy at the time and couldn’t fly (we all live in different countries).

The toxicity was that she was always the centre of attention. She was either the “poor victim” or the grand dame, but it was all about her. She was highly manipulative if she didn’t get her way. You couldn’t say “no” to her or challenge her in any way. I went NC for a few years now and I feel so much better. But in very Narc style, she probably manipulated our friends in common against me, as I haven’t’ heard from them either since I cut ties with her. I guess sometimes you need experiences like that to realise who your true friends are.

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