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What would you do re ex-dp's ex-friend's lies

(8 Posts)
WiseToTheLies Tue 07-Jun-16 12:01:52

Long story short, I had a very long relationship (10 Years) engaged, which I ended in 2000. Reasons for the split were many and varied but one main reason was the relationship between ex and his friend and friend's business partner I'll call Christine.

Christine, ex, friend and I all used to go out together quite regularly, day trips, sailing, nights out etc.. It became clear to me that ex's friend was manipulating him for financial reasons in order to exploit him (ex was very well off and liked to flaunt it). This resulted in me being annexed from events and decisions like what ex did and where he went and how he spent his money. Ex was easily led by friend and Christine and did some shitty things, cheated, called off the engagement and abandoned me in a city.

Anyway (bear with me), me and ex split up, I moved away.

I kept in touch with ex (maybe a drink once a year at a conference we both attend which is work related). He has told me some shocking things at our recent meeting. Christine apparently made a move on ex and told lies about me (that I cheated on ex) and Ex's friend has stated that he and I had an affair for two years before I left ex. Christine and ex's friend have apparently told everyone from our old circle of friends that this is fact and of course, I'm not there to defend myself and set the record straight. I wondered why nobody had bothered keeping in touch and been very cool after I left and now I understand why.

What I'm wondering is why ex has told me this now (he's happily settled with new partner), is successful business-wise and has lots of friends but doesn't speak to ex-friend and Christine because of how they cheated him out of a deal/investment and now these revelations.

What would you do? Leave it all be/ignore it? Confront ex-friend / Christine? Tell the old friendship group my side of the story after all these years?

The place I used to live is 250 miles away so I can't simply pop over for a day.

I just feel really angry that people have been able to spread lies about me to all and sundry for all these years and I knew nothing about it. My reputation is trashed there now and I feel I have to do something but what?

Thanks for reading this far. <cathartic>

Morasssassafras Tue 07-Jun-16 12:06:32

I would not do anything. I understand why it's tempting to but if they were actually friends to me then they wouldn't have believed that I was capable of doing that.

I'm sorry this has happened to you flowers

ChicRock Tue 07-Jun-16 12:09:15

You split up 16 years ago?

Do nothing. Nobody cares now, it's been 16 years confused. Let it go.

Nannawifeofbaldr Tue 07-Jun-16 12:14:55

After 16 years? I certainly wouldn't contact Christine or ex friend.

If I bumped into the anyone I was close to in the friendship group I might mention it in a "I've just found out about this, surely no one believed it?" type way.

Otherwise, water under the bridge.

True friends would have asked you for your side of the story.

DeathStare Tue 07-Jun-16 12:50:15

Oh just leave it be. I've been in a similar situation myself and I know what it feels like to want to say something and clear your name, but you can't.

A friend pointed out to me that those who know you won't need telling nd those who don't you either don't care anyway and won't welcome it being kept going as a source of conversation, or will take your denials as further proof that it is true.

The reality is your reputation isn't trashed. You probably don't know most of the people who have been told and most of the people probably don't care or remember. The story is much more memorable to you than to anyone else.

Isetan Tue 07-Jun-16 12:53:04

There's no way of verifying this information shit stirring/ mind fuckery without getting sucked back in, avoid your Ex.

WiseToTheLies Tue 07-Jun-16 13:17:55

OK. So it seems that the general consensus is to leave it and avoid my ex from now on.

Thanks all.

I did wonder if the ex was stirring as it's strange that he has only recently found out about this gossip too. I just think it's terrible that anyone can say anything they like about you and you have no means of retaliating.

mouldycheesefan Tue 07-Jun-16 13:22:27

16 years ago?! Life is too short, move on, do not attend conferences with ex. " he said, she said" from 16 years ago is not worth the effort or angst. Of course you have means of " retaliating" but is it worth opening up old wounds, people will wonder what the hell you are on about

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