Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

My Narcissistic ex has got together with a Sociopath - how is it going to turn out?

(14 Posts)
NarcSoc Tue 07-Jun-16 11:39:41

Don't want to give too many details, but my ex left recently after his friendship with a work colleague got "more serious". I sort of know her and her husband (they are now divorcing) and since trying to make sense of it all I think I have figured out that he is a "vulnerable narcissist" and she is basically a sociopath.

They've only been together a few months, so still in the "honeymoon phase". "true love" like nothing before etc.
I don't give a shit about him and am well rid, but concerned about the socipath's access to 6yo DD, who has met her a couple of times socially (before ex and sociopath got together.)

. Ex sees DD and I have so far managed to ban socipath coming into contact with DD, but I will not be able to keep that going for that long if ex and socipath manage to keep their deluded relationship going.

Wise women of mumsnet, your thoughts please?
(ps, have namechanged for this, hence no previous posts under this username.)

VestalVirgin Tue 07-Jun-16 14:15:34

Is he interested in seeing DD? Or is his narcissistic personality such that he has little interest in people who don't serve some purpose for him?
I think it would be easiest to just keep DD away from both of them and just accept that she won't get to see much of him.

How do you know his new partner is a sociopath? Has she done something criminal? If so, you could use that to make sure she's never alone with DD.

NarcSoc Tue 07-Jun-16 14:57:05

At the moment, he loves seeing DD, as she is the age when Daddy is her hero, and I don't want to change that.
Ex has older children who live in another european country not far at all and he only sees them twice a year. (He doesn't work, lived off me, so had no excuse not to see them more often.)

The manner in which his new partner pursued Ex, and stuff I have since found out from her STBXH. I cannot be sure, but I knew her well enough (we met socially) for her to be ticking quite a few boxes when reading up on sociopaths

BrandNewAndImproved Tue 07-Jun-16 14:57:40

Have they actually been diagnosed?

NarcSoc Tue 07-Jun-16 14:59:15

No, but I was with Ex for 9 years and the pieces are falling into place after the many books I have read and forums I have trawled

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Tue 07-Jun-16 14:59:34

He doesn't work, but the sociopath is a work colleague?

BrandNewAndImproved Tue 07-Jun-16 15:00:20

grin ok then.

Sparkletastic Tue 07-Jun-16 15:02:56

I would avoid armchair psychiatric diagnoses and try and build up a decent co-parenting relationship with ex and keep an eye on his DP. Doesn't sound like you have grounds for concerns at this point.

NarcSoc Tue 07-Jun-16 15:05:19

Some details I have changed. He doesn't work in an office.
He was working on a project we have been doing, and she was doing similar, hence "work colleagues"

Point of the thread is about: When narcissists and socipaths get together, is it likely to last in anyone's experience; or am i going to have to grit my teeth and accept that DD is inevitably going to have to spend time with this toxic couple?

BertrandRussell Tue 07-Jun-16 15:06:32

Are you a trained psychiatrist?

NarcSoc Tue 07-Jun-16 15:08:27

No, just a concerned mother who was gaslighted for years and doesn't want the same for DD. I cannot go NC with ex, and am trying to maintain a healthy relationship between Ex and DD.

BertrandRussell Tue 07-Jun-16 15:12:00

I understand that- but don't armchair diagnose.

Cabrinha Tue 07-Jun-16 15:59:31

There can be a rush to label when actually the question is just "do two arseholes stay together, and how do I manage that for my daughter?"

Answer: yeah, arseholes pair up and stay together sometimes. With regards to your daughter, honesty is the best policy. Not giving her books about narcissism and sociopathy - just calling out individual behaviours when they're wrong, explaining why they are wrong, and giving her the confidence to not dwell on them.

I'm sorry, no-one here is going to be able to tell you whether an undiagnosed narcissist and an undiagnosed sociopath are going to stay together. So approach it as worse case scenario that they will.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Tue 07-Jun-16 16:04:12

There's no such thing as a vulnerable narcissist. It's a contradiction in terms

As another poster said, just try to focus on co-parenting and leave the psychiatric diagnosis to those qualified to diagnose them

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now